Our guest contributor Delores, has been a single mom of 8 kids since 1998, when her marriage of 22 years ended. Since that time, she has completed a Masters in Early Intervention/Early Childhood Special Education and began working with Child Development Services in Medford, Oregon in September of 2000. Her message is one of optimism, hope, and tenacity. She tries to be easy on herself, and not take things too seriously, and so humor is the vehicle she rides every day through life. She is currently working on planning the "Next Best Thing" in her life.... hoping to develop her own blog and pursue professional speaking.



So, you ask, exactly what branch of the service or other line of work requiring a uniform is your son involved with? "Aha", says me, 'there's the rub". You see, the uniform is the term my son's siblings and I have affectionately given to the series of T-shirts and jeans he chooses to wear until the clothing is literally WORN OUT. I mean, TOTALLY... no butt remaining in the jeans, no knees, a plethora of holes, and t-shirts which have deteriorated to the point where they are actually rags of cloth held together by neck binding and side seams.



Noah is my 19 year old who experiences Down Syndrome and Autism. For those of you familiar with either challenge, you can certainly appreciate this scenario. The bottom line with Noah is that he is clear about what he likes, and doesn't like. He also loves the familiar.... especially his favorite shirt and jeans. He will make a choice about what he wants to wear, and will want to wear it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Oi Vey !!!!!!! (or Ai Yi Yi, or Holy Crap !!!) I have to be honest here and confess that this used to drive me CRAZY. I have had to sneak the clothing away while he was in the tub in order to get it into the washing machine... he has even picked through the clothes hamper to get his uniform out before I've been able to wash it.... he has also pulled it out of the dryer before it was dry. YIKES !!!



So, what's my point? Well, I'm getting to that. One day I just had enough of the uniform and simply had to figure out a better way. My choice was to become very creative and flexible and approach this situation a little differently. I mean, it was getting pretty bad... I refused to let him out of the house in "THE UNIFORM", and he planted his feet and refused to take it off. This battle was raging out of control and something had to change. I decided to resort to bribery, and more importantly, change my approach. I appealed to Noah's love of Diet Coke and his status as a then 16 year old DUDE. I attempted to reason with him by cutting a deal, which went like this. "So listen up, Noah. You can wear your Uniform anytime you are home, but when you leave the house for ANY reason, you have to change into "COOL DUDE CLOTHES". If you cooperate and make this good choice, you will receive a Diet Coke. Whaddaya think about that?????" Fortunately, he really liked this plan, and believe it or not we NEVER have any more fights about what he will wear when leaving the house. And I make sure that I never forget to buy the Diet Coke.



But wait, it gets even better than that!!!!! One day not too long ago, the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the unfathomable happened. Noah walked up to me, uniform jeans in hand, full of holes, threadbare, strings hanging at the ankles..... held them up to me and asked for NEW JEANS !!!! "WHAT????", I yelled in astonishment..... "You want to go shopping for new jeans? Quick, put your shoes on, Dude.... we're goin' to TJ Max !".. This was HUGE. This was a FIRST. Noah made the choice, on his own, to change, to grow, to break out. I was thrilled beyond thrilled because this was not MY idea. But on his own terms, in his own time, Noah made a huge forward leap... and growth happened. I was so proud of him.



Ok, ok, here's my point. I called this little rant "Choices, Choices, Choices" because I can. But also because life is full of choices every single day. We can choose to fight the same battles in the same ways and end up with the same results (by the way, this is the definition of insanity...been there, done that), or we can choose to adjust, change our battle plan and experience a better outcome. Growth happens when we choose to actively participate in life. I chose to address my frustration over the uniform fiasco by appealing to my son's love of Diet Coke (sneaky) and his appreciation for being a "Cool Dude". I learned something about him, but mostly about myself.... that I needed to chill out and find a way to make peace with the uniform in a mutually beneficial way. WHEW ! Sure am glad it worked out, cuz I was hating that battle. I also learned that Noah could come to a good decision on his own if given the right encouragement. I am so impressed with him.



You guys have opportunities to make choices about how to do things with your children every single day. The possibilities are dizzying !!!! But the best part is that you even get to have a choice to make. Think of it... you ALWAYS have a choice.... that should help you feel so empowered. It certainly helps me to know this. I like being the one to have that much control in my life. During the crumb gobbling growing up years of my 8 monkeys, I didn't always realize I had so much power. As a result, I would feel discouraged, frustrated, out numbered, unappreciated, exhausted.... well, not all the time, and not every day, but hopefully you get my point. It was HARD !!! But, I did start to learn that I could feel differently just by choosing to work on my attitude, looking for the good in little things, and taking the time to smell the roses (not just the poopy diapers). You are all doing a GREAT job... keep up the good work. And remember, your days can be brighter, funnier, more fulfilling, and lots more just as a result of your choices; and don't forget that Noah got new jeans, 'cuz he made a choice.



Are you an Earth Monkeys' Friend yet on facebook? The giveaway today is posted there... so you have to be a friend to win... I know we're sneaky that way huh??:)