I feel like most days I spend that majority of my time cleaning up after the tirades of a two year old.  My vocabulary often feels limited to "don't put your pee pee on the dog...boogers go on tissues not in your mouth...and you can't eat off of the ground!'  Chaos feels like a permanent resident here; but it wasn't until last week that I actually experienced that mortifying, everyone is staring at me, I'm "that" parent, moment.



     Our day started innocently enough at music class when my dude took a vacation from reality.  He became the kid that everyone looks at and either says "thank God he is not mine, or that parent should not be allowed to have children".  Let me just preface this by saying that even though he can be out of control at times, I can almost always distract him, or figure out some kind of a discipline to snap him into reality.  But not today.  He was charging into closets, out doors and doing exactly the opposite of every activity we were supposed to be doing.  He was laughing hysterically at himself as he pulled my hair, climbed on everything (climbable or not) all the while getting the attention of every adult (and not in a good way!).  We managed to survive music class and I apparently lapsed into a total state of bad judgement when I attempted the post office!  (Earth Monkey products had to be mailed rain or shine, sweet or psycho toddler!)  About 15 seconds into the door, it started down hill fast...

I have managed to burry a lot of the details but for the sake of my final point, I will relive them now...



1 time pulling cards from the display

2 times throwing his dinosaur at the oh so patient man who worked there

3 laps around the counter that forms the line

4 rolls on the ground (under said counter)

5 bolts to the door (only one time trapped by a nice woman!)

6 head throws backwards as I trapped held him in my arms

7 items on the counter that had to be moved as I waited to mail our products

8 screams of delight at his insanity

9 beads of sweat on my brow

10 sets of eyes staring



     Maybe that does not sound too insane, but it is all I can relive.  The rest is just too painful.

Oh ya..one more thing..my dad all the years of my life (even now) has said to me, "think about what you say before you say it".  Well, that advice escaped me that day because as I carried him back to the counter after the 5th escape attempt, a woman commented (I think trying to make me feel better) "wow, he is fast"..to that I jokingly replied "ya, we call him birth control".  This is the point where I wish my dads advice would have been at the forefront of my mind because the other 10 customers, well lets just say that not one of them got the joke!  At this point,  I finished my business, buried my  head; or should I say my son had my eyes covered with my own hair and his hands; and I left.



     You ready for the moral to the story?  This is what I learned that day...one, best friends that can relate to this totally rock...and two, people that know lots of things are my super heros.  Did you know that red dye in our foods are directly related to ADHD????  I didn't, but now I do.  We eat super clean around here so we don't come into contact with much overly processed food, but the night before we had pink cupcakes at a birthday party, and the next morning, my son check out of reality.   So heres the deal, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but for me its just one more thing that we all need to know about.  There are so many dangers in the things we eat and this is just one.  So I challenge you to check all the processed food in your pantries and get rid of anything with red dye in it.  ESPECIALLY if you have a child who struggles with "post office type behavior", or a child that your sure might make you loose your mind.  Then do some research.  Don't take my word for it...just educate yourself!!!

     There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, Christmas Vacation, that makes me cringe every time I see it.  Cousin Eddy arrives at Clarks house with his family in their "tenement on wheels" and as grandpa bends down to give the son a little kiss, Eddy says something to the effect of "you might not want to do that, he's got a little lip fungus that they aint identified yet"...



     I had the joy of experiencing my first zit at the age of 19.  Now those of you that struggled through high school with a face full of them are probably thinking "lucky!!!"  But for me, it has taken 20 years, a truckload of antibiotics, bathtubs of benzoil peroxide,  washes, scrubs, lotions, ointments, homeopathic remedies and special diets, it's finally gone.  Basically I got to experience my 2 weddings, my 2 children's births, beauty school, 2 careers, my 21st., 25th, 30th and 35th birthdays, covered in zits!  Fun...The great part is, they are gone, the bad part is, now I'm fighting the wrinkle battle!  So not fair!!!  At this point in my life, my bathroom cabinet  resembles that of a 65 year old wrinkled, puberty struck, "cousin Eddies son", freckled freak of nature.   I have RetinA for the acne (yes that is what FINALLY got rid of it!), Tri-luma to fade the freckles (sounds much better than "age spots!"), arnica cream for the aching arthritis in my knuckles, and this is the shudder part...an anti-fungal used on jock itch and athletes foot!  There I said it!  I had to use something men used on their johnsons, peepers, man parts, unmentionables, to cure the area just above my lip.  (cringe!) If I ever pictured living a scene in Christmas Vacation, it would be the part with the swimming pool, NOT the lip fungus scenario!   It now takes me longer to get ready for bed than it does to get ready in the morning!  (a point which my husband just LOVES...especially the night guard, sexy!! Riiiiiight)  When each section of your face requires a different "magic potion, it takes a while! The irony is that I am crazy about what our family eats and puts on our skin.  We are basically limited to a bare minimum soap, an organic shampoo and plain coconut oil on our bodies...but when it comes to trying to get my face to resemble that of a human, I'll pretty much resort to whatever chemical is necessary...I admit to peals, micro-dermabrasions, botox (hey don't judge, this stuff takes off 10 years!), and fillers...yep, I have these hollow lines under my eyes, and darn it, I just like it when they are gone.   There, now you all know my secrets!   And one other thing..thank goodness for editing (and Maria Alexandra Photography) because according to a lot of my photos, my face looks as smooth as my little guys butt!"



     Funny what a little vanity does...Ya I'm not afraid to admit to being just a little bit vain...We are bombarded by skinny, plastic looking 16 year olds on tv and magazines selling us "old girls" living in the real world, foundation that makes us look 13.6 years younger, and eye creams that will for sure make us look like we actually have slept for more than 3 hours in a row, and cream to rub on our butts to that will make them look like my 5 year olds!  But the reality?  That type of magic doesn't really exist!  We can fill our drawers with 15 different creams and still scare ourselves when we look in the mirror in the morning!  We will  have lines when we smile, (I'm ok with a lot from that!) furrows when we yell at our kids (not that I ever do that! right...) and no amount of sunscreen with ward off those pesky age spots freckles.  But I guess at the end of the day, It's all good.  I want to do the best I can, (and rid myself of fungus..gag) and the rest is controlled by gravity and time.  So once again, I have no real lesson of the day, just a little funny so you can laugh at me and feel better about yourself!



     I want to know what is in your bathroom drawer...make me feel better now...

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We wish you all a very safe and happy new year!!  Thank you all for a first great run...we look forward to a ton more fun!

NVAKATPGPMZE