I have been a hairdresser for 10+ years and in those years if I had a dime for every woman that said "I wish my hair was...thicker, thinner, straight, or curly" I'd be retired and living on the shorelines of Tahiti.  The response that I have adopted, would have made me just as rich..."stick around here for the day and you will love your hair".  You see, the way they look at their hair is because of their perspective.

     If a perfectionist walked into my house right now, they would be disgusted by the lack of order...but on the other hand, if a hoarder walked in, they would be frightened by the open space and lack of clutter.  They would be seeing my home based on their own perspective.  Let me ask this, which one would be right???

     My kids think I'm tall, my husband thinks I'm short.  Based on their perspectives, who is right???

Donald Trump would think my home is a shack...the woman who lives in Uganda in a mud hut would think I live in a mansion.  They would be seeing the same house but basing their opinion on their own perspective.  So again, which one is right??



   Ever have those moments where you have to take a good look at "deep" things?  Well it happened to me this week and this is the "punch in the gut by perspective" part, so I'll quickly move onto my point...you like the quickly part, don't you!   Based on our own perspectives, we judge others.  Let me soften that because I hope we all try not to judge...we make assessments and assumptions about people.

     Lets say we see a tall, totally put together, gorgeous blond, we assume that she has a happy life, feels great about herself and lives a completely self absorbed, judgmental existence.

    On the other hand, lets picture a 5'2" brunet (which I happen to like because I am those things ;))  wearing sweats, a big old t-shirt, and no makeup.  We assume she doesn't like herself, she is probably lonely and would be relatable and sweet to talk to.

     Notice something...with both scenarios, I listed what might be assumed on the positive side and the negative side...any guess why???  Because depending on your own perspective  we would look at these two women totally differently!  My point is this.  I can't simply look at someone and think I know anything about them.  We do make assumptions about others based on our own perspective.  OK, so maybe its just me, but I doubt it ;)

     I want to  have more grace by not setting standards for others based on the standards I set for myself.  I expect things from myself that I  never want to expect from others.  I talk a lot around here about food and health, and sometimes in the process I forget that others don't have the same ideals for their own lives.  And that is so totally OK, because it would be so boring would it be if we were all the same!  You may relate to me sometimes, and sometimes not...but what I want you to know is that I never want any of you to think I am being judgy or purposefully insensitive.  I am not the best at communicating what I am feeling, and I have a tendency to be a bit too black and white.  What I love is the variety of women that are hanging out here!  We love you and we love your input.  I have so much to learn, and I learn from you all.  I hope for us all, this blog can be a place we all love to be.  Sometimes you may want to punch me (never Linz though because she is way too cool!) but I hope that you will understand that I come from a place of just wanting to grow and figure stuff out, and I hope you are along for the ride.

     I know that I strayed a bit from our theme this month of "get off your butt and get healthy" so I'm going to end this today by saying lets all have a "healthy" perspective toward each other, because we can never look at someone and assume things that we can't really know...(how do you like that deep thought!)

     Can you remember to share us?  We appreciate it!

  



















      I feel like most days I spend that majority of my time cleaning up after the tirades of a two year old.  My vocabulary often feels limited to "don't put your pee pee on the dog...boogers go on tissues not in your mouth...and you can't eat off of the ground!'  Chaos feels like a permanent resident here; but it wasn't until last week that I actually experienced that mortifying, everyone is staring at me, I'm "that" parent, moment.



     Our day started innocently enough at music class when my dude took a vacation from reality.  He became the kid that everyone looks at and either says "thank God he is not mine, or that parent should not be allowed to have children".  Let me just preface this by saying that even though he can be out of control at times, I can almost always distract him, or figure out some kind of a discipline to snap him into reality.  But not today.  He was charging into closets, out doors and doing exactly the opposite of every activity we were supposed to be doing.  He was laughing hysterically at himself as he pulled my hair, climbed on everything (climbable or not) all the while getting the attention of every adult (and not in a good way!).  We managed to survive music class and I apparently lapsed into a total state of bad judgement when I attempted the post office!  (Earth Monkey products had to be mailed rain or shine, sweet or psycho toddler!)  About 15 seconds into the door, it started down hill fast...

I have managed to burry a lot of the details but for the sake of my final point, I will relive them now...



1 time pulling cards from the display

2 times throwing his dinosaur at the oh so patient man who worked there

3 laps around the counter that forms the line

4 rolls on the ground (under said counter)

5 bolts to the door (only one time trapped by a nice woman!)

6 head throws backwards as I trapped held him in my arms

7 items on the counter that had to be moved as I waited to mail our products

8 screams of delight at his insanity

9 beads of sweat on my brow

10 sets of eyes staring



     Maybe that does not sound too insane, but it is all I can relive.  The rest is just too painful.

Oh ya..one more thing..my dad all the years of my life (even now) has said to me, "think about what you say before you say it".  Well, that advice escaped me that day because as I carried him back to the counter after the 5th escape attempt, a woman commented (I think trying to make me feel better) "wow, he is fast"..to that I jokingly replied "ya, we call him birth control".  This is the point where I wish my dads advice would have been at the forefront of my mind because the other 10 customers, well lets just say that not one of them got the joke!  At this point,  I finished my business, buried my  head; or should I say my son had my eyes covered with my own hair and his hands; and I left.



     You ready for the moral to the story?  This is what I learned that day...one, best friends that can relate to this totally rock...and two, people that know lots of things are my super heros.  Did you know that red dye in our foods are directly related to ADHD????  I didn't, but now I do.  We eat super clean around here so we don't come into contact with much overly processed food, but the night before we had pink cupcakes at a birthday party, and the next morning, my son check out of reality.   So heres the deal, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but for me its just one more thing that we all need to know about.  There are so many dangers in the things we eat and this is just one.  So I challenge you to check all the processed food in your pantries and get rid of anything with red dye in it.  ESPECIALLY if you have a child who struggles with "post office type behavior", or a child that your sure might make you loose your mind.  Then do some research.  Don't take my word for it...just educate yourself!!!

Photography by Maria Alexandra Photography

Yesterday Gena called after a daunting trip to the post office with her youngest monkey. She said, "I think I may have just got a glimpse of the judgmental stares you've told me so much about."  Apparently Mr. H, her almost 3 year old was less than cooperative and to put it nicely was like a monkey on crack. As she told me the story she was laughing one of those crazy laughs ... like she was either going to pull a Thelma and Louise and drive off a cliff or start to cry.



All I could do was tell her I was sorry... judgmental glares stares and comments just feel crappy whether it's because people don't remember what it's like to be smack dap in the middle of terrible two's or because they don't understand why a six year old would be flailing, screaming in an isle throwing a two year old tantrum (mama warriors you know what I'm talking about). 



By now you know that I don't know anything about anything so this is not a post of great tips to conquering your strong willed child... but I do have an arsenal of sanity savers to survive the sometimes years of butting heads that come with raising mind-numbingly headstrong strong, independent monkeys on crack:

1. And this is the most important.... when your child starts throwing one of those "that's not really my child" tantrums in public... Stop what you're doing... Keep your head down and get the HELL out.... I think I might stitch that on a pillow...  (eye contact with other adults is bad... very very bad... it's almost an invitation for unsolicited criticism advice and looks of horror.)


2. Have something you look forward to everyday... Sticking to your guns and feeling like the bad guy all the time can be rough on a mama. Constantly having to be on top of the strong willed culprit and ready with consequences...is EXHAUSTING... so after my monkeys are in bed (at 7pm on the dot... cause I'm mean like that) I always try to have something to look forward to. Usually a date with my friend Merlot... but sometimes a bath and some ice cream are just the trick... 


3. Let go of the guilt... When Gena and I talk on the really rough days... we know we're safe with each other to say... we don't want to do this anymore... {Gasp... yes I said it.} Of course we aren't serious and it's only a little true... but there's a huge weight of guilt that surrounds those feelings. Even if that thought is only a fraction of a percent true, it feels yucky and I beat myself up over it. Especially about a half hour after they're all asleep for the night and I go in and they look like little angels... I wonder how I could have ever been so frustrated with such perfect little men... but then a new day starts and with it comes the "stares of doom" where if they could talk I know they be saying... "Oh, sorry... did you really think you're in charge here... because I'm pretty sure I'm going to ignore you and do what I want."  I think the point is... when you know you love your child more than life... it's ok to have the split second feelings of "I don't want to do this anymore".... I think if we're honest... most of us have felt that way at one time or another. So let it go... You're not alone.


4. Focus on the bright side... The really exceptionally great thing about having strong willed children is that they are in fact strong. They are decisive and persistent and not afraid of a fight. Those are great qualities to have as an adult... those things alone make a person great and will allow them to do amazing things in life ... that could be my own little fairy tale I tell myself... but hey it helps me sleep at night:)


5. Learn from other people's mistakes... I have to say in my journey as a mother of special needs and very strong willed children there's one thing I wish no mother would ever have to experience... and that's the judgemental comments and stares from people who haven't walked in my shoes. It's about the crappiest feeling ever to be on the receiving end of harsh criticism on top of having to deal with a meltdown or stand off... it hurts... and it stays with me for days. You would think that alone would keep me from EVER uttering "I would never..." or giving a disapproving look at someone parenting differently than I do... but honestly I've done it... and today I am making a pact to stop. We have to stop beating each other up or the cycle will never end!

Someone wrote on our earth Monkeys facebook page the other day that this too shall pass... they were talking about toddlerhood. And while being a strong willed child isn't always just a phase, I think eventually the days of constantly testing boundaries and saying NO to everything will die down...maybe... hopefully... Regardless, I will remember that what makes them a pain and hard to live with at times is what also is going to make them great men. No one said being a parent was going to be easy... I am just thankful that I get to go through it with moms like you... It's so comforting to know that I'm not alone... and neither are you!





Don't Forget to {Go Blue} for autism awareness month.. Check out these amazing mother warriors and do your part to spread awareness about autism this month!

Organizing Made Fun

Mom’s Flight School

Caffeinated Autism Mom

A Bowl Full of Lemons

Hello House, Goodbye Home

Pieces of My Heart

Me you Wine and Cheesecake