Photo by Tara Behnke

From the overwhelmingly beautiful moment when Ty, Paige, Ed, Jeff and Pauly (and the entire EM:HE crew) knocked on our door, to the emotionally surreal "reveal"... I feel like I have been asking God one question... Why us?

Mindy from Pretty in Paint made this little doozie!

I saw this idea of a blessings board on another blog somewhere and I knew I had to do it. Usually sweet flowery things make me want to throw up a little in my mouth, but this little crafty poo is a sweet kick in the teeth.  So... I am writing a blessing on  post-its and sticking them to a board in my room ... so every time I want to have a pity party or complain... wham... it can kick me in the teeth and say, "Hey selfish, annoying, whiny lady... look at all of the amazing things you have in your life." Today I posted 7 to the board and here they are:

1. {Sibling Rivalry...} I guess I'll I just need to repeat costco, costco, costco... over and over in my head  so I'm not tempted to pull a Thelma & Louise during what seems to be NEVER-ENDING-FIGHTING! (costco)


2. {School Clothes...} My amazing big sister took all three boys shopping today and got them shoes and pants and shirts and socks... who does that?? My big sister!! That's who!:) I love you Abbers!


3. {Great Friends...} I swear I have the best friends ever... they love me for me and put up with my non-stop verbal vomit... they are some pretty darn amazing women (and some guys too:)) and I am so beyond blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people!


4. {COFFEE!!!} Seriously... this needs no explanation!


5. {God's Amazing Grace...} woops maybe I should have put this first... I was a little caught up in my costco moment... But He is so good... all of the time...


6. {The right words, when I need them} My hubby just has a way with words... this is what he texted me the other night while I pulled a mini Thelma & Louise at Costco (well I guess it was just a Thelma because Louise was at the coast) ... "You are beautiful... this is the life we GET to live." reminding me that we are so incredibly blessed to be parents to these special boys... even on the rough days. 


7. {An Amazing Family...} How amazing is it to have a HUGE and by HUGE I mean GINOURMOUS group of relatives that we would actual choose as friends even if we weren't related. We have the best family and don't take any of them for granted for even one second. 

 I have to be firm. I cannot budge… And then my 2 yr old daughter wanders out of bed wearing her patent leather shoes. For the third time, I remove them, hide them under the bed, and tuck her in. But this time I take a picture because it’s just too cute and I know I will want to remember this moment forever…



I have to be consistent. I cannot give in… They need to sleep in their own beds. But then the little shadow darkens my doorway at night and a little voice says, “Can I sweep with you, Mama. I hab bad dweam.” And even though I’ve been sleep deprived for five years, I pull the little shadow into bed with me to snuggle and squeeze her tight. I will remember this moment forever…



I am tired. Dinner is almost burnt… She’s 5 years old and she’s been afraid of everything since she was born. But even though I’m tired of the whining, and I already did it once before, when she appears in her bathing suit and goulashes and asks me one more time to make sure there are no bugs outside, I go. I go because I remember what it’s like to have irrational fears and I was never so smart to think to just put on my “goulashes”. There’s no way I could forget this moment…



 I clean. I teach. Over and over… I’ve reminded her several times to use her fork when she eats, and yet here she is facedown in a bowl of rice. When I reprimand her, she lifts her head from her food, covered in rice from her eyebrows to her ears, and says, “Sawy mama…” And I realize that a fork is not the best way for a 2yr old to eat rice and that she was actually using her little brain. I smile with pride, wishing I had a camera to capture this moment forever…



     I am a parent... I need them to listen… They’ve interrupted Daddy and I too many times. We need to talk. And then one of them starts crying because she wants a family marching band… and suddenly a hero appears. Even though they should listen, and even though our conversation is important, the hero sees something else; an opportunity he doesn’t want to miss. Daddy hurries for his guitar and begins to march through the kitchen as the two little ones fall into line. And I smile because I cannot remember what we were talking about that was so “important”. And I take a picture. This moment MUST be remembered forever…



I’ve worked a twelve- hour day and it’s not over yet… I’m trying to get through the bedtime quickly because I’m already yawning. I am firm and only read one story, like I said I would. No more, no less. One song. One prayer… And then they ask if they can pray. Their sweet little heads bowed, their tiny hands folded beneathclosed eyes, and I realize that the kingdom of heaven is present right before me. That everything I am working for is already happening. And I pray to God that this moment lasts forever…



     Nothing else matters. How lovely are those piles of laundry scattered all over my house. How lovely are the paint stains and crayon marks on my granite countertops. How lovely are those fingerprints that decorate my “clean” windows. How lovely are those voices that call to me for the hundredth time from their room even though they are supposed to be sleeping, “Mama! We need you!”







Katie... married her college sweetheart, and together they continue in youth ministry. They are finally living their dreams of he being a youth pastor and and her, a worship leader; however, the best part of her life is being a wife to her man and a mommy to her daughters. She can honestly say with all certainty that the melody of her life is that of God's unfathomable love and never-changing faithfulness.

OK Today I have to admit that I'm fried.... I have tried to write a serious post and then a funny post and ended up deciding to delight you with one of my favorite oldie but goodies... I'm a mess, my man's a mess, my house is a mess and my children are only not a mess because I finally gave them a bath today and they are now sleeping... but they will be a mess 5 nano seconds after they wake up cause that's how we role here:) Happy Wednesday!



{Oldie But Goodie}

No one can know the down and dirty of being a parent…until you become a parent… sometimes throughout the day I stop and think to myself…”did those words really just come out of your mouth?” They are words that form sentences I never imagined anyone saying…



Forks Aren’t For Stabbing…Maybe it’s just my kids…but they can turn anything into a weapon and often try to shank each other…



We Don’t Touch Poop… I still remember the day Sawyer came down the stairs proudly yelling ewwe poooop… he had pooped on a toy cell phone and brought it down proud to show us his accomplishment… that was the day the poop war was waged in the McPhail household and we battle on even today…



Don’t Drink the Bath Water… your butt is in that water….Stop drinking it!!! What is the draw?? Seriously, I can’t imagin what is so thirst quenching about merky soapy butt water?? But still they drink…



Hands Off Your Peeper… (I know peeper sounds I little creepy but I just can’t say penis or wiener…) If you have boys, you have to be familiar with this one. day or night rain or shine, they have to make sure their friend is still attached… apparently it will be that way until the end of time…



Is That My Toothbrush In The Toilet??? Oh the glamorous life of a mother…



What Crazy things have you caught yourself saying as a mom that you never thought would come out of your mouth?!?!? We want to know:)!!

...psst... she has three boys too... so she's familiar with the funk!

"...you have to..."

Sometimes I resent the things I "have" to do in a day... and for no real reason at all I get myself into a mommy funk. So when my three year old says for the 7000th time "Mom, You have to..." instead of correcting him and modeling the words he should say... I get right down on his level and say... "I don't HAVE to do anything." (Insert head bob and finger wave here) ... at which point he ignores my attitude and repeats himself... and I just end up doing what he's asking me to do anyway ... but with a grudge. It's funny how fast I forget how blessed I am to HAVE to do so many mundane and sometimes down right disgusting things... hey I live with four boys remember:):)



It was two years ago this past Sunday that my husband CJ and I moved our family back to Southern Oregon. We left our house still on the market just outside of Portland and lost every dime of our savings we had invested in that place. It was the lowest point in our lives together... a newborn baby and two special boys who had just been diagnosed with PDD-NOS (a form of autism). We were broke, broken and honestly at times I felt hopeless... A lot of you already know this story... already know my heart ache of mourning the sons I thought we were going to have and learning to love and celebrate the amazing boys God made them to be... many of you already know that we lost everything and lived with my parents for nine months relying on food stamps and family to help us through one of the darkest chapters of our lives. It was humiliating and earth shattering and beautiful all at once.



It's amazing how things can change in two years. I wish I could say we weren't still reeling from the aftermath of that disaster. What I can say is that if I had the chance to wipe it all out.. to get to skip that portion of our lives... I WOULDN'T THINK OF IT.



While I don't wish dark times on ANYONE... ever... I have to say it's what grows us... it's what gives us perspective and grace for people and situations we may have stood in judgement of before. Without pain I don't think we can fully experience compassion... without struggle and suffering we really have no reason to grow.

...my love...

My husband and I have decided that we want to do something every 3rd of July to remember where we were and to marvel at how far God has brought us. How the rough stuff bound us together... if even just barely by a thread at times... we got through it with a deeper connection and love than we ever knew possible. And that my friends is worth celebrating!



I love remembering the fact that it was only two short years ago that I was praying for this very home... even knowing about the black mold, old windows, draftiness and bug "situation"... I dreamed of how our family would grow and thrive in this place... and we have. It's remembering July 3rd, 2009 that brings me out of my "mommy funks" and reminds me to celebrate all the the things I GET to do for my friends and family and amazing boys who are doing better than ever.



Perspective is everything... it's so easy to lose... and sometimes so painful to gain. What do you GET to do today?

Jami... is a mom to teenaged quadruplets and wife to her best friend, her knight in dented armor. Her "almost 15" year old crew consists of one girly tomboy and 3 strapping young men, one who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 7th grade. With kids now in high school [the same school she and her hubby shared a locker in!], keeping up with everyone keeps her busy as a stay at home mom. Being "on call" for the lanky, bright, and fiesty son has kept her from rejoining the paid work force as of yet. Her passion for God/teens/sports is a perfect combination for her position as a Fellowship of Christian Athletes weekly Huddle Leader.

Some of last year's "trashy" bootcamp girls... this years pic is soon to be posted!

There's nothing quite like a trashy bootcamp on a warm summer morning to wake you up and sometimes make you wish that you were dead. Not trashy as in stripper poles in my back yard... (bwahahaha... sorry I just pictured that:)) I'm talking dodging the 17 kids, and piles of dog poop while we work out kind of "trashy". The, my kids pull down their pants and pee in the yard in front of everyone "trashy". The, I rarely brush my teeth and am usually wearing the clothes I worked out in yesterday because I haven't showered in three days "trashy". And I LOVE it!





For anyone who has ever read this blog you know that as the self proclaimed Anti-Martha, "DIY's" and "How To's" are not my thing... but I have to say our little "Trashy" bootcamp group has become one of my very favorite things about summer. Bringing women together from ages 16 to 65... laughing, talking, gagging, and sometimes even cursing whoever it was that invented stinking mountain climbers and burpees. I LOVE it all... I love seeing the kids play (and sometimes try to shank each other with broken sand toys), and I love seeing some my closest friends several times a week which would never happen otherwise.



While I could make a list of thousands of things I could never tell anyone how to do... today trashy bootcamp is not one of them... SO... are you ready??? are you sure??? Here's one of the only times you'll see me post a "HOW TO"here on EMM... I hope you can create something as meaningful and trashy as we've been able to do.... hehehe!



How To: MakeYour Own "Trashy Bootcamp"

• Pick Up The Dog Poop... really... just do it...


• Make sure you have lots of outside toys to keep the kids entertained ...then LOCK your stinken doors... it's never good when you realize little johnny's gone missing and is inside painting a mural with permanent marker down your hallway.


• Turn off the sprinklers that are programmed to come on in the middle of bear crawls.


• Make sure your friends know YOU'RE NOT A PRO and therefor not responsible for their weight loss, gain or pulled whoowhoo muscles... it's more like a play-date on crack with a purpose than a personal training session.


• Don't let it turn into a gab session... keep things moving and slighty organized so everyone has fun but feels it the next day... (I have to say I get enjoyment out of planning workouts I know they're going to be cursing me for the next day... the problem is I'm cursing me too... I'm kinda sick that way)


• Pick a Pro... find a workout dvd you like or a fitness app (I like Nike Training Club) and design your workouts around what they teach. You're more likely to do the exercises safety and effectively if you've seen them done and have done them before...


• Have Fun!! Don't roll your eyes at me... I HATE working out... and I don't work out most of the winter when we can't have bootcamp. There is seriously something awesome about working out with friends and sharing in the pain of finishing a workout when you normally would give up and go get a latte.

Britny ... is a Mommy of 2, wife to 1 and lover of God. Her days are filled with homeschooling her monkeys, making a home on a budget and bringing joy to mankind in the form of sweet treats! She owns a small boutique bakery, Brit’s Bakes, which gives her a fun and creative outlet from Mommyland. A self-proclaimed “foodie” she enjoys reading food blogs, cook books and searching for the best local eats. She is also an occasional runner (which is necessary when there is so much good food in the world) and enjoys setting goals and running road races. When not covered in flour and drowning in laundry, multiplication tables and coupon clipping...you will find her sipping on a vanilla latte with her BFF, who also happens to be her husband of (almost) 11 years.



In the month of June, my husband and I have started a “get off your butt” routine. On Monday, Wednesday & Friday, we put on are matching Nikes ( I know. we are ridiculous), grab some water, put on our favorite Pandora station and head out to the garage. No, we don’t have any fancy machines, or a personal trainer who stops by to kick us into shape - it is just us, two jump ropes, a pull-up bar, dumbbells and our neighborhood to sprint through - I LOVE IT. If you are in need of motivation grab a friend or few - or that good lookin’ guy you married and keep each other accountable! This makes working out so much more fun and when you are working together for a common goal - stuff just gets done, in all areas of life.

My son cheering me on !!

So what kind of health goals do you have? Are they realistic? Are they preparing you for the future? So many times our goals can be far fetched, chasing the wind, “I want to wear my Junior High jeans” kind of goals. What if we changed our mind about our health goals and really purposed being healthy as a legacy for our children and even grandchildren? As moms, we have the power of influence in our children’s lives that affect the generations to come. Everyday. If they see Mommy freaking out about her pant size, number on the scale or filling her body with junk food in truck loads...this is the pattern they are most likely to follow. Be a healthy example! Every choice we make is knitting together the person our little people can become. If they see Mommy feeling good, being strong, active and making balanced food choices (we are not talking deprivation people!), they too are set up to do the same. What do you want the “health” legacy to be for your family?



Having our health is a gift and exercise is a way of saying thanks for the gift we each have been giving. It doesn’t always have to be about looking “better”, though as you cultivate a healthier lifestyle that is sometimes the bonus! So put your ideals and perfectionism aside and think about what lifestyle you would like for your children. Make healthy choices as a family - go for walks together, prepare healthy meals together, and teach your kids (by example) to have a healthy relationship with food...there is a time for cupcakes and a time for carrots....:) Let your children see you set goals and see them through - Let them see a Mommy who has energy to run with them ( and sometimes catch them), a Mommy who takes risk and is willing to climb on the jungle gym or slide down the slip n slide with them. Making memories and teaching your child to make positive choices for their future too, now that is healthy!

Let your kids see you drinking this and you will be the picture of utmost health...... or you may totally gross them out! :)



Blend together:

1 Quarter of a Fresh Pineapple, chopped

1 Mango Sliced

1 Cup Fresh or Frozen Peach Slices

Half of an Orange

1 Medium Banana

1/2- 1 cup Coconut Milk



After the mixture is good and blended, GO GREEN!!



Add in a large handful of Spinach (preferably organic) and blend away! Pour in a jar throw in a straw and sip your way to better health :)



IF you must, you can add some agave or honey to sweeten things up, but the banana usually does the trick!



NOTE: If the green color freaks you out (I promise the taste will not) you can add a handful of fresh or frozen blueberries. This will give you a purplish drink, that even the kids might drink!





You can find Brit's Bakes on facebook at www.facebook.com/britsbakes she also has a blog at: www.pocketfulofmoments.blogspot.com 

{Photo By: Maria Alexandra Photography}

I'm not a picky eater... really... I'll eat just about anything you put in front of me and go back for seconds. One time while I was living in Chile, we were camping in the foothills of the Andes ... and not wanting to be seen as the wimpy "gringa" I ate the coagulated sheep's blood with lemon and cilantro (a chilean delicacy I guess or... a cruel joke to initiate the naive foreigner:):) ) Anyway, I sucked that blood jiggler down with pride... consequently I also spent the following 3 months knowing what it actually feels like to have your guts turned inside out ... it wasn't pretty... at all! While I lost a ton of weight, it's definitely not a diet plan approved by the FDA, and proof that you shouldn't just eat anything someone puts in front of you.



My boys... (including my husband)... are just the opposite. Picky isn't even a strong enough word to describe whatever it is they are. Sawyer has to sniff everything and has turned down cakes, and cookies and candy many times because he's not sure about how it feels on his fingers. I realize autism has a huge role to play in the pickiness of two of my men... but what's my hubby's excuse? And why in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks won't my youngest eat anything but fruit roll ups and pretzels? That's rhetorical... I don't really want your advice:) I know what you're thinking... be the boss!!! make him!!! But I'm lazy and don't want a fight and have about 15 other excuses if you want to check back with me later:):)



Here's the thing, along with loving a hot loaf of "fresh at 5" from safeway, or anything with butter or heavy whipping cream in it... I do in fact also LOVE veggies.. I love salads and chicken and beats and chard and leeks and so many other really heathy foods... BUT... I HATE ... I mean I HATE(!!!) making them just for myself. My husband won't eat green and never has to my knowledge. Sawyer has actually thrown up just from seeing peas in a bowl by his plate (not even joking)... the little boys are just stubborn ... and I am the worst of all... I am the L word... L-A-Z-Y!!





I can admit it... I start the day off with great intentions... and so many times the only things I eat until 5 pm are bites I steal from the boys. They are scarred by their thieving mother's attempts to help them "finish" and all to often ask me to stay away from their food... poor kids:):) AND it's not because I'm soo crazy busy I just don't have time to eat a real meal... but because mama's too lazy to go throw some pre-washed lettuce in a bowl or slap a piece of turkey on some bread. It's that bad. If I'm hungry I grab whatever's fastest and easiest... which translates into "CRAP" off of my kids plates, and then I like to gorge myself with dinner because I realize I am freeken starving...

{By Guest Contributor: Laura Moriarity}

It was a hot, dusty Southern Oregon morning in 1988. My mom had signed me up to run in the” Mini Marathon” at Sam’s Valley Elementary School. There I was, a chubby 4th grader standing on the starting line of some great idea from the mom with the fit kids at a PTA meeting. As I stood there a sense of absolute dread came over me. I panicked. What was I doing? Am I supposed to run up THAT HILL? Then all of a sudden some crazy parent in short-shorts, Asics and a sweatband yelled “GO”! Everyone started sprinting like there were puppies and unicorns on the other side of the hill of death, so stupidly I started sprinting too. After about 2 minutes I thought my lungs were literally on fire and going to explode. To make matters worse (like there is something worse than your lungs exploding) I was certain I was about to puke for the second time ever in public (yes it was that dramatic, and puking in public IS worse than your lungs exploding when you are 9). I was traumatized. The next year I volunteered at the doughnut table and took home the free t-shirt.

This is how mama rolls!

So how did that traumatized 4th grader go from the “Mini Marathon” nightmare to not only choosing to, but spending hours raising money and training for a 26.2 mile real marathon? (By the way, my fantasy of appearing on the cover of Runner’s World Magazine as my hot skinny butt crossed the finish line in record time did not come true- the reality was I ran the last 3 miles with a migraine, I think I was crying when I got there, and my 10 pound heavier butt ran straight for my mom. Oh, and my time was slower than Oprah’s). But here is the thing, outside of childbirth I have never felt more accomplished or AMAZED at what my body could do than I did that day.



I am not sure how I got there really. It would be great to be able to insert some movie montage set to “Eye of the Tiger” here to motivate you all, but really I think I just decided one day that I was too poor for a gym membership, I felt too chubs to work out at one anyway, AND if I was going to puke I would rather do it outside. I knew I was 20 pounds overweight and all of my quick fixes did NOT work. I knew I had to get up off my butt and DO something.



The good news is I have grown to love it. Now instead of viewing running as a horrible lung bursting puke-fest (although it is that sometimes) I see it as affordable therapy. Challenging myself to enter races (no matter if it is a 5K or a full marathon) has transformed the way I think about weight and about my body. I find when I am training for a race I do not obsess over the number on the scale, instead I think about how many miles I was able to run while pushing 60 pounds of stroller, children, stuffed animals, blankies and snacks. I thank God for my body when I cross the finish line. I smile like a crazy person when I am passed by 70 year old ladies during a race because it gives me a crazy sense of hope. I don’t care if I am fast, I don’t care if I win anything, I just LOVE that I can survive it. Experiencing that split moment of absolute amazement at my imperfect but ABLE body is something I need as a women. So with that, just try it. Who knows, you may actually like itJ to help you get going here are my “10 running tips from an unlikely runner”

My 2 year old daughter running the last 1/2 mile with me!

1. {Run for a cause} For my marathon I raised $2,500 for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society through Team In Training www.teamintraining.com. On those days I would have rather died than put on my running shoes I remembered that the people I was running for may never get the opportunity to do what I was doing so suck it up! Many races give the proceeds to foundations or agencies- pick one and put it in perspective!


2. {Brag about it!} post it on Facebook, tell your friends, milk every sore muscle and every ½ mile you possibly can-it helps with accountability!


3. {Download a training program} I like Hal Higdon’s as the schedules are realistic to incorporate in my crazy life. http://www.halhigdon.com


4. {Listen} to your body


5. {Get} a good pair of shoes


6. {Eat}


7. {Do it with and for your kids} Check out the picture of my 2 year old running the last half mile with me...


8. {Get an App} Like Runtastic or the one from Nike to track your calories, distance and progress


9. {Get a running partner} or join a running group (or start your own.)


10. {Sign Up}To really bring this thing full circle you can always sign your kids up for the Mini Marathon  http://kohd.com/news/local/193513

     Anyone miss the big topic this last week...."the end of the world".  Just in case your FB friends were focused on joking about something else and you missed it,  it was predicted that the end was 5/20/11  at 6:00.  As we all know, it didn't happen. (Not to  lose anyone here but I must say that I do think that it will happen but no one knows when, and no one will know)...anyway...

     I don't really know much about the guy that came up with that prediction, and I didn't believe his theory personally but I do have to admit  to waking up that morning with a little different feeling heading into what could have been our last day here on this earth.  I was a bit happier to see my kids (at 6:00 AM), and I tried to smile at my husband even before my coffee took full affect.  You see, I woke up thinking "what if this is our last day here? What would I want this day to be like?  It's not the first time I have thought that, and I  know I'm not the first one to wonder those things.  We have all lost a loved one, or heard someone else predict a certain day as being the "end day", you may have even had a near death kind of situation yourself, and those events always prompt that kind of a question.   This time for some reason, it just really hit me.

      I am busy.  Too busy.  I am impatient.  I always have to get home to do something "really important" when my kids just want to go to the park.  I get tired.  Very tired.  I complain about things like dishes in the sink, a never ending pile of laundry, and shoes that seam to think their home is the living room floor.  I turn away from conversations, to do a really quick thing on the computer (I justify it as work!)  It's easy for  me to put my kids in front of the T.V. so I can get dinner made in peace (right).  I like to send them outside to play so mommy can "finally get things picked up".

     Well on may 20th, I thought, if I am leaving this planet today, I am not leaving behind a clean house for the person that moves in and takes it over when I'm gone.  So I spent the day simply being mom.  I sat and looked at things from Mr. destructo's perspective...ants really are amazing, and cars are kinda fun to race, he is hilarious...I listened to my  princess tell me amazing stories, and snuggle just for the love of it.  She looks at detail like no one I've ever known.  She is beautiful.  My husband is so handsome when he smiles.  He is strong and funny and smart, when I take the time to notice.  I miss my family when I am so busy trying to make our world perfect.  What I realized is that me not trying, is what makes our world "perfect".

Funny how a crazy man telling us that it is our last day here is what made me slow down and just be.  In reality, my world could end today, I have no way of knowing...so how do I want to spend it?  I've asked myself this before, but I want to live this question, because I don't know when my last day will be.

     In reality, I do have to get things done.  I do have to make dinner and do laundry, but do I have to obsess about these things, or can I just chill so my family can have a mom and wife that takes time for them?  This is what I want, to live so that I don't miss out on them and our life together.  And so this is how I will live today, like THEY are the most important thing in my world.  Because they are.



So today I'm wondering if last weeks prediction made anyone else out there think...Did you spend that day any different?? Or If today was your last day here, How do you want to spend it?  

Comment below...we want to know what you think.



And make sure to share us with your friends!  We all need each other on this crazy journey!

My treasure from Serendipity in Bend this weekend "Living the Minivan Dream"!

I drive a 2002 heavily "loved" minivan. It has war wounds from spilled soy milk and rogue french fries that have been petrified between the seats for years. It has a bit of a large ding on the front passenger side where I ran into our garage one day while texting and driving a bit too fast. (eeek...no kids in the car thank goodness:) It's pushing 200K miles and the automatic sliding door has been transformed into my daily workout since it takes all 160 pounds of me to close it each and every time we want it to work... I am in every sense {LIVING THE MINIVAN DREAM}... and it's only now that I can wear that badge with honor.



Last week on Mother's Day my little sister and I were swapping war stories of our destructive children and sleep depravation when my mom chimed in and said. "I know I had my melt downs when you kids were growing up... but I really LOVED my job as a stay at home mom... it doesn't really seem like you girls like it." I was stunned and hurt, and while my mom wasn't meaning to be disrespectful or hurt me... her words cut me deep and I cried myself to sleep that night.  I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that she didn't understand... that I love my kids but that didn't mean that I had to love the endless laundry and accidents and potty training and sibling rivalry... I knew my defense was weak though and as a mother of 5, every part of her understood my feelings of frustration and wondering if sleep would ever be something I experience EVER again. Every part of her knew the darkness that creeps in from time time, telling me that my only worth in life is as a maid, servant and "cook"(or in my case we'll call it a "microwave technician")... and maybe her words wouldn't have hurt so much if my husband hadn't said the same thing to me just a few weeks ago... I was defensive because I wondered if there really was a small piece of truth to it.



This past weekend I was able to go on my first EVER in the history of the world {MOM'S WEEKEND}. It was awesome and refreshing... we ate great food and drank good wine. More meaningful than anything though were the amazing conversations we had reminding me how blessed I am to wear the badges of chief butt wiper, nose blower and meal maker... reminding me how blessed I am to bear the marks of motherhood and how important my job of raising my three little men really is...

...proof that the urban legend of a "Mom's Weekend" is more than a myth...

I think sometimes in my quest to be real and relatable I come across grouchy and complaining. While preaching on my soap box, that none of us have it all together, I get lost and forget so often to relate the beautiful redeeming parts of motherhood ...  the snuggling, and loves and giggles and beauty of seeing my boys love each other. What terrifies me is thinking that my kids, even for a nano second, might think I don't love my job as their mom. The bottom line is that we're at a rough stage in life... with 2 toddlers and a very special 6 year old... life on any given day is not easy. There are many days that I just cry to myself thinking... "This is NOT what I signed up for." But I know we won't be in this season for ever... and I do love my job and my family more than anything... they define me ... they make me a better person... they give me purpose and passion and laughter and so much unconditional love and forgiveness that I don't deserve. Before them, life was easier... life was less messy and complicated... life was carefree ... BUT BEFORE THEM... I WAS LOST...  AND BEFORE THEM... I DIDN'T HAVE A SONG.



Have you ever heard a song that actually changed your life... your perspective or your heart??? This one did just that to me this weekend! It was like a sweet punch in the face (if there is such a thing) reminding me that I am nothing without my four men... even with a crappy minivan and old rundown house and having to scrub UBS (Unidentifiable "Brown" Stuff) out of the carpet 17 times a day... I love my life and I am so completely blessed! I L-O-V-E JJ Heller! I just downloaded her CD "When I'm With You" because every song on it is AMAZING... and I especially love "Until You Came Along" listen to it and you'll know why:) Here's the song, press play (below) to listen to it... [Click Here to buy on iTunes]