My career as a hairdresser has changed from a pre-child 40+ hour a week crazy fest to a one day a week "vacation" from my really hard job as a stay at home mom.  Every once in a while, I get to do a special style for a client heading out for a big night, and for this, they end up at my home.  This particular client was in her mid 30's not married, and no children but would someday like it all.  Her hair took me about 30 min. and in that amount of time, she came to the conclusion that being at my home made her "hit the snooze button on her biological clock".  I think I know why...



     My 21/2 year old is proudly pottie trained, and I'm not ashamed to admit that nudity and bribery were my main tactics in accomplishing this.  I often wonder how every pottie moment has created a line at the pantry with everyone expecting a marshmallow and every poopie followed by the excitement of suckers for the whole house.  Really?  HE is the one doing all the work and somehow HIS reward has become an expectation for everyone???  I'm hoping that this will end by the time my kids are 15 and 18 because there is just something kind of weird about the thought of them both running in announcing what he just did in the bathroom at that age???  I don't know, just a thought.





     And what it is up with all the flippin whining???  Really, this one could be the one to totally send me over the edge!!!  All I want is one second in my day when I'm not hearing a voice so high it breaks glasses!  And the endless  begging for something they just cant have; really, this is a sanity killer!  Seriously, how many times will I have to say "I am not going to do anything when you are whining...use your big boy / girl voice"...you'd think they would get it after the 1000th time!  Sometimes I'd like to crawl into a corner, ( or better yet an sound proof closet) cover my ears and rock back and forth in the fetal position.  Will it ever end?



     Why, Why Why Why Why Why...your already sick of it hu?  I know that I am not the first mom to hear a 100 why's, even before breakfast...and I also I'm not the first one to have to admit to saying those stupid words we swore we would never say (before we had kids) "Because I said so!".  Yep I've started saying em!  I think I gasped when I heard them come out of my mouth the first time, but at some point, there simply are no more answers!  "Mom, why is that worm on the cement; because the rain pushed him there...why didn't he go back to the dirt; because it was a long ways away...why is he not moving; because he is dead...why is he dead; because the water is gone...why is the water gone; because it dried up...why did the water dry up; because it sunny...why is it sunny; because God thought we needed sun...why did God think we needed sun; BECAUSE I SAID SO!" why, why, why!  This was a real conversation my friends, and after 30 of these conversations...ya, you get why I have resorted to because I said so!!!





Speaking of whining...We have to beg you all one more time...we are up for a chance to win $25,000 with The Green Awards that would allow us to do amazing things with our Earth Monkey line!!!  But we need all of your votes!!!  You can vote daily (you only have to log in once) and if we could get you all to do us this favor, we will never ask for anything again!  (um ya right!)  Thanks for your support!!!!

Earth Monkeys.com

How about this...We will give a bib to one person that is, or becomes a google follower, votes for us at the Green Awards, then comments below and tell us you did it and give us a "snooze button" story.  I think you can all do that, we know your smart!!

I grew up in a family full of great traditions, but one of my favorites occurred on friday nights.  Our family would eat at our favorite asian restaurant where we filled up on greasy food, and green tea and then raced home to our beloved "Dukes of Hazard".  If you are old like me, you can relate to the excitement of sitting down with Bo and Luke..Daisy didn't do much for me but you get the point.  Saturday mornings then consisted of cold cereal and our favorite cartoons.  Cartoons then, were much different than they are now.  Most of the time  they were about someone (or something) blowing up, burning, smashing, dropping off of a cliff, or just a lot of good old fashion "maiming".    I suppose it's a good thing that my kids  are learning so much from their cartoons now a days, but sometimes I miss a good old fashion Wile E, Road Runner beating!!  I have recently been inspired to give these "new" cartoons a piece of my mind...



Dear Mickey Mouse, first of all, I love Disneyland.  It is a magical place of smiles and fun and some really great memories... but  COME ON!  A clubhouse that comes up out of the ground, totally set up, organized and clean?  Then you further insult my intelligence by ALWAYS being in a good mood, no matter who royally messes up;  you then take Tootles along on your adventures to fix the problem.  How in the world does "he" always know what kind of "tools" you will need anyway?  Please would you stop singing, counting and smiling.  Sometimes life is just not that cheery!!



Mr. Cailou, Where is your hair for god sakes!  You are 4 years old and totally bald???  It's probably your completely neurotic and crazy mother that does that to you.  And speaking of your mother, please let her that if she keeps talking in such a sweet voice to you and your sister all of the time, I might drive over and punch her.  (is she medicated or something??)  I don't know any boy (or girl for that matter) that gets along with his sibling, uses manners and never talks back to his parents!!!  GET REAL!



Sir Thomas, (or should I address this to Sir, Topin hat...is that his name??)  you totally freak me and my children out.  Please be honest here...Does some crazy man have a scary little railroad city set up in his backyard pretending to make you all real and then filming it?  If so, please let him know that more things need to move than just your crazy eyes!  He is NOT fooling anyone!

 Also, you all could use some not so boring voices, and your narrator, omg...he puts me to sleep.!  Could you please tell your crazy captor you want  to do something a little creative or fun or get off the t.v!!!



Dear Barney, the Wiggles, Imagination movers and Dirt Girl....I don't even want to waste my time writing to you all individually!  If I even think you are coming on, I will change the channel!  You are poisoning my children with all of your "positivity and happiness!"  Your cheerful songs, endless lessons and lack of any real fun...I just can't handle it.



Mr. Sponge Bob,  I love you.  You are a hard worker, a responsible home owner and a good friend to all.  You make me laugh and cry and you challenge me to be a better person.  I love how you occasionally loose your skin in an unfortunate hot grease accident, I cry when your eyes  get popped out of your head from a run in with a jelly fish electrocution.  I am sorry for the times that you fall off cliffs or drop from the sky (aka the water) and when you get pommeled by your dense friend Patrick, I feel for you!  Thank you for bringing me back to the simpler times of my childhood where we didn't have to learn how to count from tv but got to just mindlessly enjoy it for the pure joy of it!

I only paint the toes that show on any given day. From a distance it looks like I have a decent pedi going … and I do mean a distance. But if you look up close you would see about 17 layers of gunky, chipped “You don’t know Jacques” OPI nail polish on my toes. My big toe on my left foot is still swollen and throbbing from an unfortunate forking (which is why forks don’t belong on the floor FYI) and the calluses on my heals…well it’s just not proper to talk about them in mixed company.