Showing posts with label Nevers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nevers. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I like to eat... Especially my words...
After 11 years of marriage (this month) you would think I would stop making stupid statements with the word "never" in them. Just recently I was telling anyone who would listen that I wasn't planning on training for a 1/2 marathon I signed up for... and ignorantly added it's all mental anyone can run... Hmmhhmmm, (sorry just choking a little on that last sentence) So last night Gena and I set out to run a cool 6 miles (cold turkey mind you) because you know, it's all mental. By mile 3 I had to stop for fear of puking up all of my insides... we walked the rest of the way, and today I can barely move...
Throughout the years of marital bliss and monkey raising I have choked on eaten a few more of my words. And it's not like I just voice innocent opinions and then come to see the light. I am a passionate opinionated person... When I take a stance on something I want everyone to know... seriously I don't think I'll learn from my mistakes even after this post... it's who I am... it's kinda my thing.
So for your enjoyment, today I am listing my top 10 most annoying had to eat my words statement ever...
- I am never having kids... I maintained this one for 5 years after we got married, but when the baby bug bit, there was nothing I could do. Still to this day I run into people who say, "Remember how you said you were never going to have kids."
- My Kids will only play with wooden toys... you know because the plastic ones are so ugly... today you would be hard pressed to find a toy or anything "kid" in my house that isn't plastic florescent or colored on with sharpie marker.
- My kids won't watch TV until they're 3 and then only educational programming... ahahahahahahahahahaha... had I known that TV is the only way to calm my crack monkeys down I think I would have just skipped that one.
- I will never make more than one meal, my kids won't be picky... If there are pickier kids on the planet I haven't met them. My oldest pukes at the site of green peas and I make 6+ meals a day mon-fri to suit everyone's tastes.
- My kids won't wear anything with cartoons on them.... I still don't like this but my monkeys are freaks for thomas and cars 2 and want to wear anything and everything that dawns those characters... but what's a mom to do?
- Marriage and kids won't make me frumpy... bwahahahahha... anyone who read my post a couple of weeks ago should be spitting their coffee through their nose right now... ya... moving on....
- When I'm a stay at home mom my house will never be messy... I seriously used to say this... I know... I'm an idiot, it's actually probably messier since we're all home all day everyday... who knew???
I know I could add probably a hundred more statements... and if you talk to my family and close friends they could give you thousands more... but I thought hey... I want to hear some words you've eaten darn it!! Spill it girls... post your in the comments below... I can't be the only one who could metal in the olympic sport of putting my foot in my mouth!!
New To The EMM Blog?
Just in case you're new around here I thought I'd introduce myself.... I'm the scattered crazy Earth Monkey Mom Lindsay:) And this is my family. My kids never have clean faces, my house is usually a mess and I always have 3-15 loads of unfolded laundry sitting on my couch. I post here on Wednesdays ... Gena the "with it" organized but still whacky EMM posts on Mondays... and then each Friday we have a different guest contributor... always a mom... sometimes funny sometimes inspiring and always real. We're glad you're here and we hope you'll stick around... More than anything we want you to know that none of us have it all together... and wether your kids are 40 or 4 you're not alone in your journey through motherhood!
Facebook Login Labels: marriage, motherhood, Nevers, raising kids
Monday, July 4, 2011
Oldie BUT goodie... {OMG! I will NEVER do that!}
GENA… Seriously, people with kids do so many stupid things. Like really does it take any time to wipe that nasty food off of their dirty little face? And then, I get so grossed out when mothers try to clean it off with their own spit…Nasty! I would never do that! Oh my gosh, when I see a kid drop food then pick it up and eat it, I totally want to gag…My kid will never eat anything that could have dirt or germs on it like that! And I so can’t stand being in a car that kids ride in. Do they all have to be that dirty? Food on the floor, clothes, and diapers, all right already just clean it up and keep it clean! For real if I have to listen to one more bratty kid in the grocery store or restaurant crying or screaming, I’ll spank them myself. It’s not that hard to control their behavior! And one last thing, I will never, and I mean never wipe a snotty nose with anything but a Kleenex tissue! I saw a lady use her jacket sleeve…Disgusting!!! That was a glimpse into my past…before motherhood. Those may not have been my exact words but they were definitely things that I just knew I would never do when I was a mother. Now let me tell you what I have become.
Sometimes I look at my children (mostly my toddler, my 5 year old can now clean herself) and I think really, how long has that been stuck to your face? Hunter went to bed tonight with sharpie on his and I frequently wonder what most of the gunk could possibly be! We do try to clean up before entering public life, but even in his car seat he somehow ends up a mess.
Which brings me to my next topic…Messy cars. So ya, I have become that mom that is mortified to even have the gas station guy look into my car. I even wonder if it smells to him when my window is rolled down. I’m telling you that I fill my arms with as much stuff as I can every time I get out and its still a mess! I took out a floor mat that was caked with dried milk a few months ago, I should go clean that thing. Think I’ll wait, its 2:45 am! And lets not even talk about car seats! I’m sure my kids will need therapy someday to deal with that issue. I have just given up on getting those clean!
My toddler can throw a fit the size of Texas if he drops his “bar” and I’m sure that by blowing on it after I pick it up, its clean enough to eat. I’m convinced, and that’s good enough for me! Dare I admit that I am now occasionally eating dropped food too???
And yes I have become the mother with the screaming kids. I try my best to be respectful, and I have removed us from a few places because of crying, but come on, if I went home every time one of my kids was screaming, I would never be anywhere outside my home! Sorry is the best I can do.
I saved to grossest (I’m sure that’s a word somewhere) thing for last…I do it…I use my shirt often to wipe snotty noses. I hope at least one person can relate and the rest of you should try it! Its convenient, eco friendly (think of all the tissue you save) it dries quickly and washes out easily. What? You don’t think those are good reasons??? I’ll just give you a tighter hug next time I see you.
Linz… Let me just say I was the MOST annoying “pre-mom” and “first time mom” on the face of the planet. Seriously, I was full of things my kids would never do… AND when our oldest was three months old I actually told my husband I don’t know why people think being a parent is so hard. (Uhhh…maybe because he wasn’t mobile or verbal yet you idiot!!!)Here are my top 5 most annoying “NEVERS” ever…Drumroll please…
1) I WILL NEVER COOK MORE THAN ONE MEAL…if you’re a picky eater…you’ll have to starve. Now, I’m sure there are good moms who can stick to their guns on this rule…but I am not one of them. I cook anywhere from 2-4 meals three times a day most days. I should clarify that my kids are on the GFCF diet AND God blessed me with not only the pickiest kids on earth but also kids with the worst gagg reflexes ever…thank you for that one. Sawyer has thrown up in his plate more than once …sometimes he gags just looking at food. And the whole starving method only works if you can put up with hours of whining crying and tantruming … I can’t - so I will cook!
2) MY KIDS WON’T WATCH TV…. ahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahaha ….. ahahhahahahahahahahah…. excuse me, I mean hmmm…yeah right. TV is my best friend simply because it’s the only thing that can paralyze and mesmerize my children for more than 10 minutes…the only time I get to go to the bathroom by myself is when the kids are sucked into curious george or shawn the sheep. Do they watch too much?? Absolutely…Am I going to do anything about it in the near future?? Uhhh not likely. Don’t judge…try it, you’ll like it…all of your friends are doing it:):)
3) I WON’T ALLOW SIBLING RIVALRY… I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for that one… ALL my children do (besides watch TV:)) is FIGHT…not just arguing or screaming at each other either… things usually end with someone being punched, hit, bit or bludgeoned with a golf club…they’re furocious… And they’re all under 6 … ohhh mamas got a long road ahead of her!
4) MY KIDS WILL NEVER JUST RUN WILD AT HOME OR IN PUBLIC…seriously my mom used to say, “I just can’t have nice things”...I decided yesterday my line is “I just can’t have things!” because they destroy everything!! Sawyer didn’t earn the nickname “SAWYER THE DESTROYER” for nothing. They are all three animals…AN-I-MALS! Last week sawyer pulled down his pants and peed not once but three times in the spray park…next to other kids!! Good thing they’re so cute!
5) I WILL NEVER TAKE MY KIDS INTO PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE TRASH… Not that we venture into public often…but I will tell you it’s rare to have teeth brushed, shoes on, hair done and nothing sticky on faces when we leave the house. I had a friend post on facebook that she and her husband had done what they said they would never do…they took their children into town looking totally dirty and trashy…I told her it gets easier after the first time and earlier that day we went to the store shoeless because my kids just didn’t feel like putting them on:) Ohhh so classy!
What are some of your “NEVERS”? We want to hear from you…
Facebook Login Labels: funny, kids, motherhood, Nevers, parenting
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
omg…I will never do that!
GENA…Seriously, people with kids do so many stupid things. Like really does it take any time to wipe that nasty food off of their dirty little face? And then, I get so grossed out when mothers try to clean it off with their own spit…Nasty! I would never do that! Oh my gosh, when I see a kid drop food then pick it up and eat it, I totally want to gag…My kid will never eat anything that could have dirt or germs on it like that! And I so can’t stand being in a car that kids ride in. Do they all have to be that dirty? Food on the floor, clothes, and diapers, all right already just clean it up and keep it clean! For real if I have to listen to one more bratty kid in the grocery store or restaurant crying or screaming, I’ll spank them myself. It’s not that hard to control their behavior! And one last thing, I will never, and I mean never wipe a snotty nose with anything but a Kleenex tissue! I saw a lady use her jacket sleeve…Disgusting!!!
That was a glimpse into my past…before motherhood. Those may not have been my exact words but they were definitely things that I just knew I would never do when I was a mother. Now let me tell you what I have become.
Sometimes I look at my children (mostly my toddler, my 5 year old can now clean herself) and I think really, how long has that been stuck to your face? Hunter went to bed tonight with sharpie on his and I frequently wonder what most of the gunk could possibly be! We do try to clean up before entering public life, but even in his car seat he somehow ends up a mess.
Which brings me to my next topic…Messy cars. So ya, I have become that mom that is mortified to even have the gas station guy look into my car. I even wonder if it smells to him when my window is rolled down. I’m telling you that I fill my arms with as much stuff as I can every time I get out and its still a mess! I took out a floor mat that was caked with dried milk a few months ago, I should go clean that thing. Think I’ll wait, its 2:45 am! And lets not even talk about car seats! I’m sure my kids will need therapy someday to deal with that issue. I have just given up on getting those clean!
My toddler can throw a fit the size of Texas if he drops his “bar” and I’m sure that by blowing on it after I pick it up, its clean enough to eat. I’m convinced, and that’s good enough for me! Dare I admit that I am now occasionally eating dropped food too???
And yes I have become the mother with the screaming kids. I try my best to be respectful, and I have removed us from a few places because of crying, but come on, if I went home every time one of my kids was screaming, I would never be anywhere outside my home! Sorry is the best I can do.
I saved to grossest (I’m sure that’s a word somewhere) thing for last…I do it…I use my shirt often to wipe snotty noses. I hope at least one person can relate and the rest of you should try it! Its convenient, eco friendly (think of all the tissue you save) it dries quickly and washes out easily. What? You don’t think those are good reasons??? I’ll just give you a tighter hug next time I see you.
Linz…Let me just say I was the MOST annoying “pre-mom” and “first time mom” on the face of the planet. Seriously, I was full of things my kids would never do… AND when our oldest was three months old I actually told my husband I don’t know why people think being a parent is so hard. (Uhhh…maybe because he wasn’t mobile or verbal yet you idiot!!!)
Here are my top 5 most annoying “NEVERS” ever…Drumroll please…
1) I WILL NEVER COOK MORE THAN ONE MEAL…if you’re a picky eater…you’ll have to starve. Now, I’m sure there are good moms who can stick to their guns on this rule…but I am not one of them. I cook anywhere from 2-4 meals three times a day most days. I should clarify that my kids are on the GFCF diet AND God blessed me with not only the pickiest kids on earth but also kids with the worst gagg reflexes ever…thank you for that one. Sawyer has thrown up in his plate more than once …sometimes he gags just looking at food. And the whole starving method only works if you can put up with hours of whining crying and tantruming … I can’t - so I will cook!
2) MY KIDS WON’T WATCH TV…. ahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahaha ….. ahahhahahahahahahahah…. excuse me, I mean hmmm…yeah right. TV is my best friend simply because it’s the only thing that can paralyze and mesmerize my children for more than 10 minutes…the only time I get to go to the bathroom by myself is when the kids are sucked into curious george or shawn the sheep. Do they watch too much?? Absolutely…Am I going to do anything about it in the near future?? Uhhh not likely. Don’t judge…try it, you’ll like it…all of your friends are doing it:):)
3) I WON’T ALLOW SIBLING RIVALRY… I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for that one… ALL my children do (besides watch TV:)) is FIGHT…not just arguing or screaming at each other either… things usually end with someone being punched, hit, bit or bludgeoned with a golf club…they’re furocious… And they’re all under 6 … ohhh mamas got a long road ahead of her!
4) MY KIDS WILL NEVER JUST RUN WILD AT HOME OR IN PUBLIC…seriously my mom used to say, “I just can’t have nice things”...I decided yesterday my line is “I just can’t have things!” because they destroy everything!! Sawyer didn’t earn the nickname “SAWYER THE DESTROYER” for nothing. They are all three animals…AN-I-MALS! Last week sawyer pulled down his pants and peed not once but three times in the spray park…next to other kids!! Good thing they’re so cute!
5) I WILL NEVER TAKE MY KIDS INTO PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE TRASH… Not that we venture into public often…but I will tell you it’s rare to have teeth brushed, shoes on, hair done and nothing sticky on faces when we leave the house. I had a friend post on facebook that she and her husband had done what they said they would never do…they took their children into town looking totally dirty and trashy…I told her it gets easier after the first time and earlier that day we went to the store shoeless because my kids just didn’t feel like putting them on:) Ohhh so classy!
What are some of your “NEVERS”? We want to hear from you…
Facebook Login Labels: funny, kids, life, Nevers, parenting, things people say
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)