I've always prided myself as being a person who is basically worry free, or at the very least worry limited.  Seriously, it takes a lot to freak me out, or make me over analyze or over think things, and  I rarely sit around and burry myself in garbage from the past.  I'm kinda one to save those kind of crazy, un-useful emotions for the really big events...like divorce, death, illness, or not having the right color shoes for a blue taffeta and black lace dress (sorry, just had a Sr. prom flashback moment)...

     Now that you know that much needed information about me (ya right) onto my point...There are many elements about being a parent that are impossible to be prepared for, and no matter how much your older sister tries to warn you help you understand, there is no way to fully get the amount of fatigue, frustration, crazy deep love, guilt and of course worry that will engulf you as a parent.  From the moment my daughter slipped into this world (although I'm sure the word "slip" would not be the one used by her birthmother) my world has never been the same.  From the moment I saw her beautiful head of thick brown hair and the sweet way her smooshy body formed to mine, I started to worry.  All of a sudden this successful, confident woman turned into a nervous wreck, potentially incapable of ever doing anything right again, and consumed with the greater fear of totally ruining the entire life of another human being.                It all started with the first time I changed my baby girl, was I wiping the right way?  And when I fed her, was I tipping the bottle at just the right angle?  Did I burp her enough, should I have her on a schedule, should I let the grocery clerk look under the blanket and am I holding her too much???  And lets not mention that I actually did bathe her when her umbilical cord was still attached!  (hey don't judge, I only had 5 weeks to prepare for being a first time parent! BTW, Nothing happened! ;) ) Then there was the guilt of I'm letting her cry too long (because I was peeing for goodness sakes!), she is spitting up too much, is it my fault she has a diaper rash....and so on a so forth.

    Well now that I am a totally experienced and professional mom who knows it all (do you hear me laughing at my words??) and guess what?  I still worry like a freaking nut case and my guilt often sits in the pit of my stomach like a little rock, or maybe it feels more like a wiggly snake...either way, its just all too much sometimes. I thought I would make a little list over the last few days..ok, I'm lying, all this worry was about an hours worth, but here it goes...and if you don't relate to any of this?  I so don't believe you, but I wont call you a liar ;)



*I worry that they might break a bone jumping on the couch, but if I don't let them they will be woosies (just had to use that word because it kinda makes me smile)

*I feel guilty when I sit

“Miss Katie!!!! I missed you!!!” sounded better to me than any music ever had. After nearly two weeks away I had the great joy of coming home to two of the most amazing people on earth, my boys. I’m sure after reading that most people immediately think “Miss Katie”??? Her kids call her “Miss Katie”??? Huh? If you did - don’t be alarmed, many are confused at first. I’ll try to clarify – my name is Katie and I am an “extra-mom”.



I’m sure that there are many out there like me. You may be introduced as stepmother, aunt, by your first name, or even just called mom. Regardless of the title, it means that you, like me, married not just a partner but also a family. If so, congratulations!!! Personally, I know that it’s the greatest accomplishment of my life and one that I never anticipated. Growing up I was certain of two things: 1) I was going to have a career and 2) I was not going to have children. Funny how life takes those certainties and upends them for you? Admittedly, I do have a career but I also have two great kids that happened to join my life when I married my personal Prince Charming (which I also didn’t believe in FYI, but what’s a girl to do when she finds one?) This is the story of the start of my journey towards becoming an “extra-mom”.



“Nice to meet you” I remember practicing into the mirror. Trying to smile as I rehearsed sticking out my hand and pumping it up and down in a pretend handshake. I remember scolding myself for the absurdity of that formal of a gesture. I agonized over my tone and cadence - tried variations of my name – “Kate, Katie, crazy person talking to herself in a mirror”. I smiled bigger and then smaller, tested the impact of “Hi” versus “Hello”. Looking back I can say that was probably the low-point of my sanity, but at the time it felt as if it was the most important meeting of my life. You see I’m a big believer in first impressions and I knew that this was a vital one. From all the fuss you might have thought I was meeting a Fortune 500 CEO or the President, but no I was meeting two boys that were only three and a half years old. Yes, my name is Katie and I was terrified of two toddlers! In my defense they were and still are the two most important boys in my world – they are my sons. Technically, they are my stepsons, but legalities aside they are my kids, and I’m sure that they would be very embarrassed to know that I had to rehearse (a lot) before I felt confident enough to meet them for the first time.

11 years of marriage, 3 crazy kids and my oh my how times have changed. I remember back in the day when I would hurry to get my make-up on and wear just the right outfit for my hunka hunka burnin love. Heck even 5 years into it when I was preggo with monkey numero uno I wore 6 inch wedges to make my legs look thinner... (note to self: when you gain 50+ pounds during pregnancy wedges make you look more like a bale of hay on stilts than "slim" in any sense of the word) Now I consider it a victory if I actually get dressed during the day and doing my hair (which only takes 35 seconds total) and putting on make up only happens for "Special Occasions"... my poor hubby!



Last night I looked at myself... I hadn't showered in a couple of days (due to the fact that whenever I get in the shower my kids seriously try to kill each other or I don't know color with permanent marker on my favorite shoes) and I was wearing the same jammies I had been wearing and worked out in the morning before... it was definitely a low point. I turned to my husband and said "Sorry babe, I promise I'll start putting myself together more often I know I totally look like a hot mess." (minus the hot part), I expected him to say his obligatory "No babe you look great." but instead he said, "I know you've had a lot going on today." Waaa???? It was that moment that I decided I needed to stop being quite so comfortable with my sexy self and go brush my teeth.



Here are some red flags that you are in the same "Jammie Day EVERYDAY" rut...

1. If on the rare occasion when you get dressed in cut offs and a flip flops your kids ask why you're so dressed up... (this one is for you Kiley:))


2. If you have been wearing the same workout clothes for 2+ work out sessions... (even a cute yoga outfit has it's "re-wear" limits.)


3. If your husband would rather give you a high five when he gets home from work than a kiss.


4. If you come out of your room in the morning (bed head in full force) with your purse in your hands ready to pay bills online and your kids ask where you're going. (uhhhh because they're used to leaving the house with you looking like that!)


5. If you get caught in your jammies by the fedex guy almost every time he comes... at 3 pm!


6. If at any point your kids or husband ask you f you are actually going to leave the house like that.

     In my youth I couldn't have imagined the twists and turns, lumps, bumps, and seeds I would encounter through the years. In fact, I'm sure I never gave any thought to what I might be confronted with along my way. Its probably a good thing too, because if I had known some of the experiences I would walk through, I would have said, "No, thank you". But the older I get, the more I realize those experiences I would have refused are the very ones which produced the most growth, and ultimately the most beauty in my life.



     One unexpected experience was the birth of my son, Noah, who has Down Syndrome. Up to the time of Noah's birth, I had no experience or familiarity with Trisomy 21. This was a good thing for me, because I had no expectations or knowledge of worrisome details. I began to learn about Down Syndrome as I fell in love with my beautiful baby boy. I took things in stride without any anxiety about what might or might not happen in his life.....it didn't occur to me that I should have any concerns about what life might look like for him, me, or his siblings. We all accepted Noah just as he presented himself to us... and we continue to do so today. This was all good.



     However, as Noah began to get a little older, the reality of challenges presented by his disability became more apparent. Learning has been difficult for a variety of reasons. Good educational programs have been few and far between... this has been a true heartache for me. Self-care is an ongoing challenge, even though Noah has some skills in this area. And now, at 19 years of age, Noah is out of school and participating in a transition program... but its very unclear what we are transitioning to, or how well prepared he will be for life beyond school. This brief menu of issues are all things to which I would have said, "No, thank you".



        No parent would choose to have a child with a disability. And noone would fault a parent for admitting that they are struggling, and often wishing their child didn't have such challenges.... life is tough enough when all is well, even tougher to face when little things require supreme effort. But I have found my life to be enriched because of the efforts involved in raising Noah. I work in the field of Early Childhood Special Education because of Noah... I am able to positively impact parents of children with special needs because of Noah.... my other 7 children are compassionate and sensitive to others with challenges because of Noah... I have a great catalog of funny stories because of Noah.... I get a kick out of really quirky stuff because of Noah..... I am a better person because of Noah.



      I believe some of my most powerful growth has come as a result of raising Noah. And I am certain I would have said "No, thank you", if the challenges had been laid out before me. In fact, I know myself well enough to say I would not ever choose the more difficult path if given the choice. I am happy to report I have learned the value of struggle, hardship, and disappointment. I might not always smile the whole way, but I have learned to appreciate how the tough stuff paves the way for joy, growth, and beauty.



     Struggle can serve to bring out the best in us.... enlarge our hearts.... strengthen our spirits.... embolden our self-confidence. So when faced with something hard and you want to say, "No, thank you", just remember you might be getting an opportunity of a lifetime that you don't want to miss. Then smile to yourself.

 I have to be firm. I cannot budge… And then my 2 yr old daughter wanders out of bed wearing her patent leather shoes. For the third time, I remove them, hide them under the bed, and tuck her in. But this time I take a picture because it’s just too cute and I know I will want to remember this moment forever…



I have to be consistent. I cannot give in… They need to sleep in their own beds. But then the little shadow darkens my doorway at night and a little voice says, “Can I sweep with you, Mama. I hab bad dweam.” And even though I’ve been sleep deprived for five years, I pull the little shadow into bed with me to snuggle and squeeze her tight. I will remember this moment forever…



I am tired. Dinner is almost burnt… She’s 5 years old and she’s been afraid of everything since she was born. But even though I’m tired of the whining, and I already did it once before, when she appears in her bathing suit and goulashes and asks me one more time to make sure there are no bugs outside, I go. I go because I remember what it’s like to have irrational fears and I was never so smart to think to just put on my “goulashes”. There’s no way I could forget this moment…



 I clean. I teach. Over and over… I’ve reminded her several times to use her fork when she eats, and yet here she is facedown in a bowl of rice. When I reprimand her, she lifts her head from her food, covered in rice from her eyebrows to her ears, and says, “Sawy mama…” And I realize that a fork is not the best way for a 2yr old to eat rice and that she was actually using her little brain. I smile with pride, wishing I had a camera to capture this moment forever…



     I am a parent... I need them to listen… They’ve interrupted Daddy and I too many times. We need to talk. And then one of them starts crying because she wants a family marching band… and suddenly a hero appears. Even though they should listen, and even though our conversation is important, the hero sees something else; an opportunity he doesn’t want to miss. Daddy hurries for his guitar and begins to march through the kitchen as the two little ones fall into line. And I smile because I cannot remember what we were talking about that was so “important”. And I take a picture. This moment MUST be remembered forever…



I’ve worked a twelve- hour day and it’s not over yet… I’m trying to get through the bedtime quickly because I’m already yawning. I am firm and only read one story, like I said I would. No more, no less. One song. One prayer… And then they ask if they can pray. Their sweet little heads bowed, their tiny hands folded beneathclosed eyes, and I realize that the kingdom of heaven is present right before me. That everything I am working for is already happening. And I pray to God that this moment lasts forever…



     Nothing else matters. How lovely are those piles of laundry scattered all over my house. How lovely are the paint stains and crayon marks on my granite countertops. How lovely are those fingerprints that decorate my “clean” windows. How lovely are those voices that call to me for the hundredth time from their room even though they are supposed to be sleeping, “Mama! We need you!”







Katie... married her college sweetheart, and together they continue in youth ministry. They are finally living their dreams of he being a youth pastor and and her, a worship leader; however, the best part of her life is being a wife to her man and a mommy to her daughters. She can honestly say with all certainty that the melody of her life is that of God's unfathomable love and never-changing faithfulness.

I can remember the exact location and moment when Lindsay shouted across the street, in the midst of our kid chaos, the idea that started it all.  Born out of necessity (aka seriously grubby toddlers) she said "we need a bib that folds up that we can keep on our keychains!"  Don't tell her, but I thought at the time, great idea "I'm sure someone will do it someday!"

There we were, slightly smarter, wiser, driven and slightly more exhausted with 5 kids total!  But we forged on!  Every day, our dreams (and gallons of coffee)  propelled us to work hard, pray hard, and dream big, no, dream huge!!!



Remember when you were a new parent you "knew it all"??  You had goals, direction, plans and you knew exactly what your child would be doing 10 years from now?  Then crazy enough, and much to your dismay, Jr. doesn't act, do, or follow any of your "perfect plans"?  Well, Earth Monkeys is that child.  We've had moments when we pretty much knew where we were going to be in 10 years, and we had a clear path to get there.  We had our dreams written out, our goals defined, and the hutzpah (love that word!)  to make it all come together!  Funny how dreams change!  Somedays we are amazed at what these two simple, busy, completely slightly crazy moms have accomplished with out even a real college degree between us.. and somedays we feel buried in what we still need to do!  The one thing that never waivers though, is the love we have for the connection we have made with all of you.  YOU make us feel sane, YOU make us feel like we will survive this thing called mother hood, and YOU remind us that we are not alone.  We never dreamed that we could become this passionate about wanting to see other women succeed, to grow and to come together!  We want to see your dreams come true, just like we want our dreams to come true with Earth Monkeys.   We adore getting to "hang" with all of you, we soak it all in and love it all!   Anyway, We are talking about dreams here...



Earth Monkeys as a company has grown, and we thank every customer that supports us, and every mom that uses our products and tells your friends about us!  This last year has been a year of growth as a company, but more importantly, growth personally!  We are in the production stages of our next 3 products and the new direction that we are taking EM feels like a 180 degree turn.  But we are stoked, we are excited to give other moms a chance to jump on board this crazy ride with us...but that is all we can say (for now anyway).  It's a dream, a big hurkin scary dream...we can't wait to tell you what is next for us, but if we told you everything, then you wouldn't have anything to lose sleep over!  (bwahahahah).

I have been wanting to read this book called "Hell is Other Parents" for a while now. It sounds hilarious and honestly I think sometimes we can all relate to this statement to some extent! Unfortunately, it isn't available in an audio book format yet and I don't really read read for fear that if I concentrate too hard on anything for too long my children will shank each other with a broken duplo or flush a full box of tampons down the toilet. It did get me thinking though, while people can be super annoying, sometimes I bet there are other examples in parenthood that more accurately describe HELL...



So here is my list of what "parenting hell" really is...

1. Waking up to my 2 year old puking in my face (yes it went in my mouth) at 2 am... and then having to cut my nose ring out a few days later because the vomit had so enflamed my piercing that my nose was swollen up to my forehead... ahhh good times!


2. Almost sitting on a tree frog that's resting on my toilet seat in the middle of the night... I still throw up a little bit when I relive that one! 


3. Being 30 minutes late for an appointment and realizing that my child has pooped up his back and down his legs as I put him in the car ... AND... not having one single other pair of undies for him to put on because I haven't done laundry in three days... sure hope re-diapering doesn't scar children!


4. Sitting down for a nice Easter dinner with our closest friends and family and having my sensory child puke in his plate at the table... I think we can add Christmas and Thanksgiving to the list too!


5. Having my little guy come snug me in the middle of the night only to wake up in the puddle that he left on my side of the bed because apparently kids don't EVER EVER EVER crawl in bed on daddy's side!


6. Seeing the look of utter shock and disappointment on my little one's face when that $%^&#* tooth fairy forgot to come!! Dumb Broad!


7. Trying a new church for the very first time and as I hand my little one over he pukes all over me, himself and the floor...THEN... turning around to see my hubby booking it down the hall for fear of throwing up himself... always fun to deal with puke and strangers!


8. Having to admit that it was my child that just pulled down his pants and peed in the middle of the water park... and possibly on your child's leg. Sorry about that!


9. Not being able to stop my oldest from saying horrible things he observes about others like asking a guy we were standing in line next to why his teeth were green... seriously how do you recover from that?? 

      

     I have this super cool wall in my house that I painted with chalkboard paint.  It is either filled up announcing a birthday, holiday, special event deep thought or a scripture.  It is almost always covered partially in kids drawings, and currently it has a scripture on it from Colossians 3, that reads...(an abbreviation from the original text..)

Put aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech from your mouth!

Lay aside: the old, evil self= put on the new self!  Be renewed!!!



     This verse has been there for a month or so and was originally put up by me when I was just being short and nasty to my sweet husband for no real reason.  I needed that reminder to stop being ugly with my words and attitude!  Now...for even more honesty!

  

     I had been husbandless for a couple of days; just a side note: hats off to you mamas doing this solo!  You are heroes!  Can I just add another side note before I continue without this whole thing feeling like one big side note??  I love my family and my children with so much passion it hurts my innermost being.  They are a part of me, even though they are not from my body.  My arms ache for them, and I am only complete because of them.  That being said...

     I had been husbandless for a couple of days when mama "snapped".  I won't give all the reasons why my snap felt justified, but it happened after many days of arguing, whining, crying, and straight up irritation.  I took the kids to bed and they started arguing about who wanted me to "tuggle" them first.  I know it sounds silly, but it was like the straw that broke the camels back...I just couldn't handle it!  I got up and said "I don't want to snuggle anyone, I just want to be alone" and I walked out.  Thats when it hit me, like a punch in the face, I walked right toward the wall.  I knew right at that moment that the verse, was still there for me; but this time, it was about my attitude toward my kids.

     You see, I have been justifying my shortness, my irritation and my bad attitude by saying "I have a crazy frustrating terrible 2 year old boy, and an only slightly less frustrating 6 year old girl".  But is that a good justification? or is it that  I have let my attitude go to a really ugly place?   As I stood and stared at the verse, I realized that I had to start right at the moment to do exactly what I had resolved to do toward my husband..to put aside anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech.  To lay aside the old, evil self and put on the new self.  Be renewed.

     For me though, this is not a one time commitment to myself.  This is an ongoing, moment by moment choice to put on the new self.    I don't have a 12 step plan to follow, I don't have a contract to sign or a long speech to make.  Just a simple story on how the only way I can change my attitude, is to allow my heart to be renewed.  For me, this involves praying for change and allowing my heart to be softened and for my ugly self to be renewed to a soft, and patient mommy for my kids.  They deserve it.  

     This is not a lecture for anyone today, or even a "how to" post, but a simple dose of honesty that is hard to admit to, but necessary for my growth.  I know it's hard to raise kids...it's easier to be at work all day (I know, I do it both!)  but it is my most important job I will ever do.  I will never be perfect at it, but I will put aside my anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech, I will put on a new self.  For me and my family;



     I turned away from the wall, walked back into my kids room, apologized, snuggled first with my baby girl, then climbed in bed with my little walking hunk of frustration.  Through half closed eyes he whispered to me "I love you sooo much..." as they closed the rest of the way he finished with "we have a family".

All I could do was cry.

Thank you God, for these little miracles that I in no way deserve.  Thank you for giving me renewed patience, and thank you for renewing my heart.

Sugarpie Cosmetics... A lovely tube of lipgloss

Eco Chic Hand Knits... Organic cotton face scrubbies

T-Aroma... $20 gift certificate for yummy bath goodies

Eco Glo Minerals... full size jar of shimmer eye shadow 

Dabrowski Designs... amazing custom bling hat

Earth Monkeys... Green on-the-go baby gear {bib, changing pad, paci-pack}

Vivo candles...a delicious soy/coconut candle

Irma Gusman Jewelery...a gorgeous handmade necklace and earring set 

Oops Sheet...your choice of a mattress protecting sheet

My babies green...you must check out all of their awesome things!

Please go check out these sights...

these are hard working mamas just like us!!!

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Photography by Maria Alexandra Photography

Yesterday Gena called after a daunting trip to the post office with her youngest monkey. She said, "I think I may have just got a glimpse of the judgmental stares you've told me so much about."  Apparently Mr. H, her almost 3 year old was less than cooperative and to put it nicely was like a monkey on crack. As she told me the story she was laughing one of those crazy laughs ... like she was either going to pull a Thelma and Louise and drive off a cliff or start to cry.



All I could do was tell her I was sorry... judgmental glares stares and comments just feel crappy whether it's because people don't remember what it's like to be smack dap in the middle of terrible two's or because they don't understand why a six year old would be flailing, screaming in an isle throwing a two year old tantrum (mama warriors you know what I'm talking about). 



By now you know that I don't know anything about anything so this is not a post of great tips to conquering your strong willed child... but I do have an arsenal of sanity savers to survive the sometimes years of butting heads that come with raising mind-numbingly headstrong strong, independent monkeys on crack:

1. And this is the most important.... when your child starts throwing one of those "that's not really my child" tantrums in public... Stop what you're doing... Keep your head down and get the HELL out.... I think I might stitch that on a pillow...  (eye contact with other adults is bad... very very bad... it's almost an invitation for unsolicited criticism advice and looks of horror.)


2. Have something you look forward to everyday... Sticking to your guns and feeling like the bad guy all the time can be rough on a mama. Constantly having to be on top of the strong willed culprit and ready with consequences...is EXHAUSTING... so after my monkeys are in bed (at 7pm on the dot... cause I'm mean like that) I always try to have something to look forward to. Usually a date with my friend Merlot... but sometimes a bath and some ice cream are just the trick... 


3. Let go of the guilt... When Gena and I talk on the really rough days... we know we're safe with each other to say... we don't want to do this anymore... {Gasp... yes I said it.} Of course we aren't serious and it's only a little true... but there's a huge weight of guilt that surrounds those feelings. Even if that thought is only a fraction of a percent true, it feels yucky and I beat myself up over it. Especially about a half hour after they're all asleep for the night and I go in and they look like little angels... I wonder how I could have ever been so frustrated with such perfect little men... but then a new day starts and with it comes the "stares of doom" where if they could talk I know they be saying... "Oh, sorry... did you really think you're in charge here... because I'm pretty sure I'm going to ignore you and do what I want."  I think the point is... when you know you love your child more than life... it's ok to have the split second feelings of "I don't want to do this anymore".... I think if we're honest... most of us have felt that way at one time or another. So let it go... You're not alone.


4. Focus on the bright side... The really exceptionally great thing about having strong willed children is that they are in fact strong. They are decisive and persistent and not afraid of a fight. Those are great qualities to have as an adult... those things alone make a person great and will allow them to do amazing things in life ... that could be my own little fairy tale I tell myself... but hey it helps me sleep at night:)


5. Learn from other people's mistakes... I have to say in my journey as a mother of special needs and very strong willed children there's one thing I wish no mother would ever have to experience... and that's the judgemental comments and stares from people who haven't walked in my shoes. It's about the crappiest feeling ever to be on the receiving end of harsh criticism on top of having to deal with a meltdown or stand off... it hurts... and it stays with me for days. You would think that alone would keep me from EVER uttering "I would never..." or giving a disapproving look at someone parenting differently than I do... but honestly I've done it... and today I am making a pact to stop. We have to stop beating each other up or the cycle will never end!

Someone wrote on our earth Monkeys facebook page the other day that this too shall pass... they were talking about toddlerhood. And while being a strong willed child isn't always just a phase, I think eventually the days of constantly testing boundaries and saying NO to everything will die down...maybe... hopefully... Regardless, I will remember that what makes them a pain and hard to live with at times is what also is going to make them great men. No one said being a parent was going to be easy... I am just thankful that I get to go through it with moms like you... It's so comforting to know that I'm not alone... and neither are you!





Don't Forget to {Go Blue} for autism awareness month.. Check out these amazing mother warriors and do your part to spread awareness about autism this month!

Organizing Made Fun

Mom’s Flight School

Caffeinated Autism Mom

A Bowl Full of Lemons

Hello House, Goodbye Home

Pieces of My Heart

Me you Wine and Cheesecake