Showing posts with label being an example. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being an example. Show all posts
Friday, January 14, 2011
Let's Talk Trash...or Not
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| Advice from guest contributor, CindyConner...AKA our EMG-Ma |
It’s our mouths. My mouth, your mouth, our kids mouths. I feel like a prudish ole fuddy duddy when I say this but so be it, it needs to be said. Are we really so illiterate and vocabulary challenged that we must revert to the base line expletives of a drunken sailor? [Editors Note: No Cindy...our brains just don't work fast enough to come up with anything intelligent due to lack of sleep...hehehehe]
My daughters will think this message is aimed at them and before the rest of you get defensive and go all judgmental on me, it is truly not YOUR tongues of which I speak. But if your hackles were rising as you read that last sentence, perhaps you too have room for some self-improvement. Just sayin'. It is my own short-comings that provoked this writing. I use the words 'your' and 'our' in the strictly hypothetical sense of those words. Honest.
I could be wrong here but I think I was a high-school senior before that mother of all bad words ever escaped across my lips. I was no Polly-pure-bred for sure and many other powerhouse obscenities were in my well-used arsenal but I don’t think even I was comfortable with the power packed F-word. Now as a 56-year-old grandmother I shamefully admit, even my oldest grandchildren have witnessed a foul example from granny’s mouth. When did this become ok?
I hear trash-talk from all walks of life. It seeps from the stereo of that miniature low riding car with the tinted windows who is waiting on a red light next to me at the intersection, I hear it at playgrounds, grocery stores, even a maintenance scheduler at a Nissan dealership in Billings Montana whispered it loudly at me when he became frustrated with his own mistake in the computer. Some times it’s considered funny when it shoots out of a toddler’s mouth. I personally am guilty of using it, simply for the humor and shock value. But on a personal level, I’m over it. It is low class at it’s finest and I’m raising the bar.
It becomes so routine and natural to just let it fly, there is no way to realize how many times on a given day we allow it, ever so casually to slide out of our mouths, until, inevitably….. out of the mouths of babes, our babes, it gets used loudly and appropriately. And yes, it is a reflection on us, on our example, on our very limited vocabulary, and on the low standards we have set for ourselves and our children in the privacy of our homes.
Our mouths are our most deadly and damaging weapons. Whether we use it to express ourselves profanely to blow off steam, or to hurt our spouse with cutting sarcasm, or assassinate another person's character with gossip, we are showing our kids what character is or isn't. I had a friend many years ago who had gone on and on to her husband one night about the ugly shoes his sister had bought that day when they shopped together. When her sister-in-law dropped in the next morning wearing said shoes, my friend gushed over them. When she finally took a breath, my friend's 4 year old son said, "No mom remember, you told daddy those were the ugliest shoes you had ever seen!" Awkward doesn't begin to describe this scene. Worst of all my friend's sister-in-law was genuinely crushed. We laugh at stories like this all the time but the reality of it is: "Sticks and stones can break my bones but your words can break my heart."
When my next door little grand boys have a sleep-over with me, they sometimes say "Gramma will you pray to Jesus?" when I tuck them in. I've had days when my answer should be, not with this mouth we can't. Seriously do you kiss your kids with that mouth?
I could be wrong here but I think I was a high-school senior before that mother of all bad words ever escaped across my lips. I was no Polly-pure-bred for sure and many other powerhouse obscenities were in my well-used arsenal but I don’t think even I was comfortable with the power packed F-word. Now as a 56-year-old grandmother I shamefully admit, even my oldest grandchildren have witnessed a foul example from granny’s mouth. When did this become ok?
I hear trash-talk from all walks of life. It seeps from the stereo of that miniature low riding car with the tinted windows who is waiting on a red light next to me at the intersection, I hear it at playgrounds, grocery stores, even a maintenance scheduler at a Nissan dealership in Billings Montana whispered it loudly at me when he became frustrated with his own mistake in the computer. Some times it’s considered funny when it shoots out of a toddler’s mouth. I personally am guilty of using it, simply for the humor and shock value. But on a personal level, I’m over it. It is low class at it’s finest and I’m raising the bar.
It becomes so routine and natural to just let it fly, there is no way to realize how many times on a given day we allow it, ever so casually to slide out of our mouths, until, inevitably….. out of the mouths of babes, our babes, it gets used loudly and appropriately. And yes, it is a reflection on us, on our example, on our very limited vocabulary, and on the low standards we have set for ourselves and our children in the privacy of our homes.
Our mouths are our most deadly and damaging weapons. Whether we use it to express ourselves profanely to blow off steam, or to hurt our spouse with cutting sarcasm, or assassinate another person's character with gossip, we are showing our kids what character is or isn't. I had a friend many years ago who had gone on and on to her husband one night about the ugly shoes his sister had bought that day when they shopped together. When her sister-in-law dropped in the next morning wearing said shoes, my friend gushed over them. When she finally took a breath, my friend's 4 year old son said, "No mom remember, you told daddy those were the ugliest shoes you had ever seen!" Awkward doesn't begin to describe this scene. Worst of all my friend's sister-in-law was genuinely crushed. We laugh at stories like this all the time but the reality of it is: "Sticks and stones can break my bones but your words can break my heart."
When my next door little grand boys have a sleep-over with me, they sometimes say "Gramma will you pray to Jesus?" when I tuck them in. I've had days when my answer should be, not with this mouth we can't. Seriously do you kiss your kids with that mouth?
Monday, December 6, 2010
Git-R-Done
I could easily write a book on all of my great childhood memories and I could just as effortlessly fill a book with everything he taught me. The funny thing is, that book would not be loaded with a lot of HIS words, to be honest, I don't really remember many deep conversations; but what I learned from him is a "ya, I can do that" mentality. My dad never sat me aside when he worked on anything...cars, toasters, swing sets, lawn mowers...whatever! I was always invited to join in on painting projects, building wood thingy doos, yard work or really anything he did, he taught me how to do it. It's funny because now that I am a parent, I am fully aware that I was NO help to him, but I never felt like anything less than the best assistant he could possibly ask for. Growing up like this made me brave! I will take on just about any project, any where, any time...a little honesty moment; I have messed up just as much as I have brilliantly created! And uh, just a side note; sometimes it's smart to hold off on building entertainment centers if you are not a pro (just sayin!) I refuse to pay someone when I can get-r-done myself, or at least ask my dad to "help"...he works for free and most of my projects he now gets dragged into, so I'm not usually in it alone!(excuse me why my daughter and I go hang the "towel rack" that we made in the freshly painted bathroom that I did...)
Lesson...don't try to teach your daughter how to use a drill when she is "starving" apparently they are "loud"!!! Eat first.
I'm going to take a little rabbit trail; If your new to our blog, stick around and you will get used to my lack of focus! Um...where was I?
Oh ya...Writing this blog scares the poop out of me! It hit me today when our pastor quoted me from the last blog post that I did where I quoted him...make sense??? I realized that people are reading this (hundreds of people actually), and specifically reading my words...excuse me but AAAHHHHH! I am NOT a writer (surprise surprise) and I feel panicked every Monday morning when my post goes up. I don't feel like my words are worthy of anyone to learn from, laugh at or spend any time reading...and this leads me to the ta-da...deep part of my post...
I dont know what you know, or what you don't. I don't know what scares the ?@$&% out of you and what you are a pro at, but I think that we all could use a little of a "ya, I can do that" pep talk. Hey lady, if you can be a mom,
So here is the deal, if you are scared, start by hanging a picture (I'm a pro if you want to know how :) then plant a pot full of flowers (maybe wait till spring for that one) get out your got glue gun and go for it! youtube some easy projects, or put yourself out there and start a blog, or paint your bedroom (just don't ask the hubbie for his opinion, shhhhh). Whatever it is, don't sell yourself short and wait for someone else to do it...git-r-done!!!
I would love to know what you are inspired to take on because of this...then let us know how it turns out!
please, please, please, tell your friends about us...we need each other!!!
Facebook Login Labels: being an example, encouragement, family, growing up, memories
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Inspiration in a grocery store..and not in a good way!
I love this blog, I love writing it, reading it and sharing it!! I love laughing at some of the stories and being moved by the others. I was thinking about what I wanted to write about today and I decided it was time for me to come up with something funny…I’ve been pretty serious lately! But I feel like if I do that, I won’t be being true to what I really want to talk about. I work hard at not offending anyone ever but today, I think I need to be honest. These thoughts I want to share are being prompted by my many visits to grocery stores, Wal-Mart and playgrounds.
I have a dumb habit. I started doing it when I was very young, in fact, I don’t remember ever not doing it. I learned it by watching my mom and to this day, I can’t stop. Ready??? Drinking?…no….smoking?…no…yelling, cursing, or lying??? No….I bite the inside of my cheeks. (sorry to let you down) For me this is serious. I hate it!!! It has given me lines around my mouth and a lumpy mouth that I continually chew at to try to get smooth. It can even consume my thoughts…I know it sounds stupid, but if you do this, you can understand the frustration in trying to stop. I watched my mom “chew” her lips when I was young, and I realize now, that if I don’t stop, my kids will learn it from me!
So this may be a lame example about what I really want to say, but for me it is real.
We have a huge job as parents to help to shape our children into amazing, productive, adults. They learn from us, and for me at least, this carries with it a huge responsibility. I am their example, who they learn from and who they will either become or turn away from. This is where I might loose some of you, but stick with me here. I am so tired of being in the store and hearing parents yelling or talking obnoxiously to their kids! Our children learn to talk like us, act like us and treat others the way that we do. We need to remember that we are raising “adults” not 2 year olds. In other words, we are giving our children the skills they need to use when they are grown. We need to focus on teaching our children, not just disciplining them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the one that reasons, and explains everything to my two year old, but I do take every chance to teach him about why we do and don’t do certain things. We need to stop yelling at our kids and take a breath. I fully know how frustrating it can be to be with these little turds all day every day, but frankly, I wanted them and it is my job to do what is best for them. When I decided to become a parent (as we all did) we took on that responsibility and we need to own up to it.
We all need to look at our toxic pasts…
whether is cheek biting
anger
jealousy
yelling
even talking bad about yourself (our daughters especially do NOT need to learn how to put themselves down)!!!
Or any self destructive behavior …
(enter yours here)
I know that we can all admit to having something that we in no way should pass on to our kids!!! Lets all start today…Lets rid ourselves of these things!!! Lets give our kids a chance to be as healthy as they can be. Our kids will have “issues”. They will make their own choices, but we should never be able to look at them and realize that the nasty things they choose to do were learned by us as parents. And you know what else I want to say…Be nice to your kids! In our home talk all the time about “treating others as you want to be treated” and “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” These may be big concepts for little kids, but they are learning…
Teachers, that’s what mothers are. We will never be perfect and it is too much pressure to even try but we all need to do our best, so we can have no regrets, but mostly so we can be proud of the adults we help create. And one more thing…Love twice as much as you discipline. (a wise person once told me that) If we are not teaching our children to hug, kiss, snuggle, appologise and say I love you…Then we fail them. I will make mistakes, plenty of them, but at the end of the day my kids will have NO doubt that I LOVED THEM EVERY MINUTE!!
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