I am lucky enough to have a husband that I can drag to occasional chick flick without major complaint (Im sure there is some ulterior motive on his part...but we wont go there today)...When "The Help" came out in the theaters, I was totally stoked because I read the book and loved it.   Just a side note, that if you have not seen it, or read the book, you have got to because it is an amazing story!  It is set in the 60's and is about black maids that work for white families.  The maids were treated as second class citizens for sure, and had no real hope of anything ever changing, until a young writer comes along and gets them to tell their stories. The story is deep, powerful, and moving!  When we left the theater, we talked about how glad we were that times were not like that anymore....and then I got to wondering, are they really that different???





     It is so easy in life to limit ourselves to situations that we are comfortable in, and people we are comfortable with.  Its tempting to stay on the surface with people, to not open up to really knowing them and to make judgments based on appearances.  Straight up racism might be better now than it was then, we all may be more equal,  but are we really open to each other?  Are we passed being judgmental?  Do we listen to a respect each other?  I'm not fully convinced we are passed all of that.  





     I want to share just two things that are really on my heart with you...was that a gasp, because you think Im going to keep it short and sweet???  Well you are right....





     One thing this blogging, facebooking, social networking stuff has done is open me up to a whole bunch of people that I would have never crossed paths with.  I've learned that everyone has a story. It's easy to look at someone from the outside and think you know what their life is all about.  It's easy to be judgmental because of what they look like, the house they live in, and what you think their story might be...But it is amazing that when you really dive in, you find out what their stories are really all about.  Some lives are filled ease, some with struggles, but all with interest.  I am left wanting to know more about you all...more about your lives, your thoughts and who you really are.  I have met people that I would have walked passed in a grocery store, I have learned from people that I never would have dreamed had something to teach.  I have shared similar life stories with some, and been blown away by the roads some have walked.  Mostly what I have learned, is that you truly cant judge a book by it's cover (I know cliché, but true..) You are amazing and interesting to me.  You have given me a desire to know more of people and focus less on me. And I gotta be honest here for a minute and admit to liking the comfort of my "bubble".  The familiarity of close friends and the ease in keeping things to myself.  As selfish as it sounds, I don't love to put the time into new relationships when I barely have time for the ones I already have...did I just totally contradict myself???  I guess so, but what I'm saying is that I am learning.  And what I am learning is to put myself out there to get to know other's stories....I don't want to assume things about others anymore, I want to really know them...would you try it with me?  





     So I guess my two deep thoughts that hit me from the movie last night are, not to assume I know someone's story, or make judgements based on those assumptions and to really take time to get to know people.  We are amazingly different and can learn great things from each other...so will you all take a quick second and do me a favor???  Say Yes, then Ill tell you what it is ;)....





OK...in the comments below, tell us 4 things about your story.  Things that give us a little glimpse into who the real "you" is...Ill start (and Lindsay will join in...right?)





*I was born in 1972 (ouch), I have 2 siblings and my parents are still married.

*I grew up in the same valley that I still live in.

*I am a divorcé (a fact it took me several years to admit without cringing)

*and I have been through the trials of infertility and adoption...

There you go...thats me (aren't you just all kinds of intrigued!) ;)













  

     I am a divorcé.   Oh the horror, gasp, no way, OMG!  There was a time in my early years of being married that I was very judgmental toward people that did not "honor their commitment to marriage!" Wow how those kind of stupid "holier than thou" thoughts have come back to bite me in the butt!!!

     I was married for almost 7 years when a week before our 8th anniversary, my husband moved out.  Now I'm sure that you all are just dying to hear that story, (right) but suffice it say that it happened very suddenly and I not only lost my husband, but my best friend (you get my drift???).  To say that it was horribly devastating, heartbreaking and traumatic, is at best, and understatement.  I remember the moment that I learned why they call it a "broken heart", and why someone could drive off of a cliff because of it.  This was the person that I had committed my life to, the man I thought I would grow old with, the man I built my life around!  Thank God I was lucky enough to have the support of my loving family, my friends, my God and it was because of their love that I made it through this horrible process.

     What I want to talk about though, is what I learned from it all...not everything, because that would take days!!!  I have had the chance to talk to loads of women who have gone through the same thing;  The heartbreak is about the same but the major difference is how we come out of it in the end.  I'm super competitive and I think at the end of it all, this



So I have to admit to something. I fully realize that I just stopped mid sentence but I was trying to write this in the middle of my day with the kids running around all crazy like. I have now had dinner, a margarita and the kids are taking a bubble bath. Not alone people! Sheesh I'm not totally inept as a parent.   Anyway, the advice could get really good now, after a margi, even though I may regret what I'm saying in the morning.. Now back to that amazing advice I was about to give you....



     See, what I learned is that I can sit around for days, months or even years and feel sorry for myself.  I   could wallow in self pity, sulk and bore everyone with the details for years on how "my x this, and my x that".  Wouldn't that be productive! I'm sorry, but to be totally honest, I talked to so many women who gave their exes that kind of power over them for years, lots of years, and I was determined to NOT be one of them. Seriously, I had every right to be bitter and angry but then who still has the power over me?  He would have!   Call me crazy, but that was the last thing I wanted to give him was more power!!!  Let me be totally clear,



     I started hanging out with my sweet husband much before I ever even thought it was a good idea. He was just a friend, really people!  Let me just be clear...this is not part of my "advice"...I'm not suggesting to anyone in this situation that you date right away and marry the first guy that comes along without years of healing; but for me it was right.  (one other thing I have stopped being judgmental about!) For sure there were times when my past snuck in like a punch in the face, but again I had to remind myself..."do I give my x that kind of power over me??".  For me the answer was always  NO. I had a very hard time trusting, but my husband is NOT my x!  Life is scary and unpredictable. "it" could happen to me again, but do I live in fear?  Do I let my past dictate my future? Heeeellll noooooooooooo!  I look at my husband and praise God for letting him be the man I get to share my life with.  I look at my kids, amazing, beautiful little faces and weap at the thought that they would not be ours if I would have been too scared to move on!  We just celebrated 8 years of marriage and I love him more than I did when I married him!

     We all have the crap from our past that scares us into paralysis...whether it's abuse from a parent, someone abandoning you, death, or like me divorce, and I certainly don't want to insult anyone or in anyway oversimplify any of these traumas, but at the end of the day, it's up to you. Are you going to give that asshole person from your past control over how you choose your future?  Or are you going to be brave, take a leap of faith and jump? That doesn't mean be unwise, but it does mean to do your best to trust and move on. Could you get hurt again? Yup! Should that keep you from being brave and trying? Nope! You survived lady!!!! now get off the couch and go live!  Let your past give you streingth because you are wiser, and more resilient.  Life is waiting, be brave and live!  (or I will come to your house and give you a good dose of Gena drill sergeant!...too much?  Must be the margi speaking!)







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