In my youth I couldn't have imagined the twists and turns, lumps, bumps, and seeds I would encounter through the years. In fact, I'm sure I never gave any thought to what I might be confronted with along my way. Its probably a good thing too, because if I had known some of the experiences I would walk through, I would have said, "No, thank you". But the older I get, the more I realize those experiences I would have refused are the very ones which produced the most growth, and ultimately the most beauty in my life.



     One unexpected experience was the birth of my son, Noah, who has Down Syndrome. Up to the time of Noah's birth, I had no experience or familiarity with Trisomy 21. This was a good thing for me, because I had no expectations or knowledge of worrisome details. I began to learn about Down Syndrome as I fell in love with my beautiful baby boy. I took things in stride without any anxiety about what might or might not happen in his life.....it didn't occur to me that I should have any concerns about what life might look like for him, me, or his siblings. We all accepted Noah just as he presented himself to us... and we continue to do so today. This was all good.



     However, as Noah began to get a little older, the reality of challenges presented by his disability became more apparent. Learning has been difficult for a variety of reasons. Good educational programs have been few and far between... this has been a true heartache for me. Self-care is an ongoing challenge, even though Noah has some skills in this area. And now, at 19 years of age, Noah is out of school and participating in a transition program... but its very unclear what we are transitioning to, or how well prepared he will be for life beyond school. This brief menu of issues are all things to which I would have said, "No, thank you".



        No parent would choose to have a child with a disability. And noone would fault a parent for admitting that they are struggling, and often wishing their child didn't have such challenges.... life is tough enough when all is well, even tougher to face when little things require supreme effort. But I have found my life to be enriched because of the efforts involved in raising Noah. I work in the field of Early Childhood Special Education because of Noah... I am able to positively impact parents of children with special needs because of Noah.... my other 7 children are compassionate and sensitive to others with challenges because of Noah... I have a great catalog of funny stories because of Noah.... I get a kick out of really quirky stuff because of Noah..... I am a better person because of Noah.



      I believe some of my most powerful growth has come as a result of raising Noah. And I am certain I would have said "No, thank you", if the challenges had been laid out before me. In fact, I know myself well enough to say I would not ever choose the more difficult path if given the choice. I am happy to report I have learned the value of struggle, hardship, and disappointment. I might not always smile the whole way, but I have learned to appreciate how the tough stuff paves the way for joy, growth, and beauty.



     Struggle can serve to bring out the best in us.... enlarge our hearts.... strengthen our spirits.... embolden our self-confidence. So when faced with something hard and you want to say, "No, thank you", just remember you might be getting an opportunity of a lifetime that you don't want to miss. Then smile to yourself.

Delores, has been a single mom of 8 kids since 1998, when her marriage of 22 years ended. Since that time, she has completed a Masters in Early Intervention/Early Childhood Special Education and began working with Child Development Services in Medford, Oregon in September of 2000. Her message is one of optimism, hope, and tenacity. She tries to be easy on herself, and not take things too seriously, and so humor is the vehicle she rides every day through life. She is currently working on planning the "Next Best Thing" in her life.... hoping to develop her own blog and pursue professional speaking.



When Gena and Lindsay moved my blog date to the beginning of Mother’s Day weekend, they told me it would be fitting because I am the “MOTHER OF ALL MOTHERS”. I’m still not sure exactly what they were hinting at, so I decided to take it as a compliment. Thanks, Ladies!!!



As I was percolating creative thoughts about this task, I was challenged to come up with an original idea or perspective about MOMS and Mother’s Day. Mothering has been exhaustively analyzed, celebrated in song, documented in books, elevated in poetry, and lovingly immortalized in works of art…… remember “Whistler’s Mother”??? (she was no stunning beauty, but I’m certain her baby loved her!!) It seems to me Motherhood has been examined from every possible angle. And on this day set aside to remind all of us to love on MOM, most of us are sure to remember our own MOMS and the special things that warm our hearts as we think about them.



We think of MOM as the nurturer, the one who was always there to listen to our dumb jokes and heartaches, to kiss our “owies” and make them all better. She was the one who carted us around to our friends’ homes, to school and sporting events, and to the doctor when we were sick. MOM is the one who always knew where everybody’s stuff was… (I still don’t know how she did that…. But I have been that same person in my home…maybe its “Mom Magic”). MOM always seemed to know what we were going to say, and had those infamous “EYES BEHIND HER HEAD”. (that always creeped me out until I was the mom with “EYES BEHIND HER HEAD”, and then I thought it was pretty cool !) MOM never forgot anyone’s birthday…EVER !! And, she would come and take care of the disgusting spider on the ceiling so we could go to sleep.



And then there were the memorable quotes we all remember, like….”You wanna cry? I’ll give you something to cry about !” (eeek, I think I have actually said that), “Don’t cross your eyes or they’ll stay that way”, “How many times do I have to tell you to put your dirty underwear in the hamper?”, “Get your finger out of your nose”, “Get your finger out of your brother’s nose”. And who can forget, “Yes, honey, you can always live with Mommy”, “Nite, nite, baby… Mommy loves you very much”, “I promise you it will feel better”, “I know it hurts, baby, and I’m staying right here with you”. Awww, thanks, Mom. (group hug right about now) One of my most treasured memories is recalling our bedtime ritual and the unforgettable words my Mom would say every night…”Sleep tight, sweet dreams, see you in the morning”. I can still hear her voice in the deep place within.

...just some of my amazing kids...

All of us have a treasure box of MOM memories. How about the way your MOM could look at you and make you recoil in fear without uttering a single syllable? Remember the familiar aromas drifting out of the kitchen as she prepared your favorite holiday meals? I wonder how many loads of laundry MOM did? “Back in the day”, my mother used a wringer washer. (If you are too young to know about them, go ask your grandmother). My mom always hung the laundry on the clothesline to dry.( Geeesh, I’m exhausted just remembering all that !!) How about the stray animals she allowed you to bring home? And what about the times she held you close as you sobbed over the latest tragedy in your young life? There’s nothing quite like having your MOM’S arms around you, and feeling the acceptance and consolation pouring out of her soul and into yours.



So now it is your turn to take on the role of MOM. It is a puzzlement to find yourself in the place of the one whom you adored. You are now and forever in the hearts and minds of your children, just as your MOM is in your heart. You so ache to get it all right. You instinctively know the importance of this job and what you do every single day. Sometimes, you don’t feel up to the task, but you keep on mothering, listening, helping, hugging, nurturing, and guiding. Sometimes, you feel your heart might burst because of the fullness of indescribable love you feel for your offspring. And now you know how SHE loved you.



You begin to understand so much more about your life with MOM. Things have come full circle and you are better for this understanding. Soon, you will experience the most difficult part of a mother’s journey and it will cause you to appreciate your MOM even more. You will begin to understand about LETTING GO. The one certainty we all face is the preparation of our young to launch and be free to define their own journey….to be like the mother eagle who pushes her young out of the nest because it is time !! This aspect of parenting is particularly poignant for MOMS because it is within OUR bodies that life begins. We have a unique bond with our children even before they make their entrance into the world, out of the protective womb. We intensely feel the responsibility to care for this new life. And we spend years doing just that.



Michael Bolton recorded a song entitled, “If I Could”. It’s a song about parenting and all that we would do for our children, if we could. My favorite line is this…”The life I gave you isn’t mine…. I watched you grow… So I could let you go”. This is the toughest thing we face as MOMS. Our MOMS faced this when we began to tug at the umbilical cord to begin the fight for our freedom from her constant oversight. She faced the pain of that struggle and learned to let go. And so will you.



I have been learning to let go and release over and over again. (maybe that’s why they call me the “Mother of all Mothers”). I want you to know that through it all I still am MOM. My kids know I am here for them. I will still cry and laugh with them, hold them if they need holding, kiss them, give them guidance, and maybe do some laundry if I’m in a really good mood !!! And so will you. Because that’s what we do…. We are MOMS. It’s a tough job, certainly not for the faint of heart… but it does pay big dividends !



Celebrate your day, MOMS. Bask in the love and adoration of your young ones. If your MOM is still here with you, let her know you get it. Thank her for catching you. Thank her for releasing you. And promise yourself you will remember the full circle of your job. The life you gave them isn’t yours to keep… You watch them grow, so you can let them go. Happy Mother’s Day !!



To get regular doses of Delores' humor and inspiration visit her blog State Of Delorium! She also has a new facebook page CLICK HERE to check it out!