And one more thing..we love to hear your stories and comments below...and could you share us with your friends?? We love ya for it!!

  



      I have been a hairdresser for 10+ years and in those years if I had a dime for every woman that said "I wish my hair was...thicker, thinner, straight, or curly" I'd be retired and living on the shorelines of Tahiti.  The response that I have adopted, would have made me just as rich..."stick around here for the day and you will love your hair".  You see, the way they look at their hair is because of their perspective.

     If a perfectionist walked into my house right now, they would be disgusted by the lack of order...but on the other hand, if a hoarder walked in, they would be frightened by the open space and lack of clutter.  They would be seeing my home based on their own perspective.  Let me ask this, which one would be right???

     My kids think I'm tall, my husband thinks I'm short.  Based on their perspectives, who is right???

Donald Trump would think my home is a shack...the woman who lives in Uganda in a mud hut would think I live in a mansion.  They would be seeing the same house but basing their opinion on their own perspective.  So again, which one is right??



   Ever have those moments where you have to take a good look at "deep" things?  Well it happened to me this week and this is the "punch in the gut by perspective" part, so I'll quickly move onto my point...you like the quickly part, don't you!   Based on our own perspectives, we judge others.  Let me soften that because I hope we all try not to judge...we make assessments and assumptions about people.

     Lets say we see a tall, totally put together, gorgeous blond, we assume that she has a happy life, feels great about herself and lives a completely self absorbed, judgmental existence.

    On the other hand, lets picture a 5'2" brunet (which I happen to like because I am those things ;))  wearing sweats, a big old t-shirt, and no makeup.  We assume she doesn't like herself, she is probably lonely and would be relatable and sweet to talk to.

     Notice something...with both scenarios, I listed what might be assumed on the positive side and the negative side...any guess why???  Because depending on your own perspective  we would look at these two women totally differently!  My point is this.  I can't simply look at someone and think I know anything about them.  We do make assumptions about others based on our own perspective.  OK, so maybe its just me, but I doubt it ;)

     I want to  have more grace by not setting standards for others based on the standards I set for myself.  I expect things from myself that I  never want to expect from others.  I talk a lot around here about food and health, and sometimes in the process I forget that others don't have the same ideals for their own lives.  And that is so totally OK, because it would be so boring would it be if we were all the same!  You may relate to me sometimes, and sometimes not...but what I want you to know is that I never want any of you to think I am being judgy or purposefully insensitive.  I am not the best at communicating what I am feeling, and I have a tendency to be a bit too black and white.  What I love is the variety of women that are hanging out here!  We love you and we love your input.  I have so much to learn, and I learn from you all.  I hope for us all, this blog can be a place we all love to be.  Sometimes you may want to punch me (never Linz though because she is way too cool!) but I hope that you will understand that I come from a place of just wanting to grow and figure stuff out, and I hope you are along for the ride.

     I know that I strayed a bit from our theme this month of "get off your butt and get healthy" so I'm going to end this today by saying lets all have a "healthy" perspective toward each other, because we can never look at someone and assume things that we can't really know...(how do you like that deep thought!)

     Can you remember to share us?  We appreciate it!

{Photo By: Maria Alexandra Photography}

I was in the fifth grade when my older brother's girlfriend showed me how to make myself throw up... and that's the moment my war against food was waged. What started as I cry out for attention quickly snowballed into a full blown eating disorder. The more I dieted and purged and worked out obsessively ... the more self-centered and self absorbed I became. The empty dark hole inside of me was never satisfied, it whispered to me and told me I was ugly and disgusting... and eventually it convinced me I was nothing... less than nothing.



It's amazing how wrapped up we can get in how we look. And how we relate how we look on the outside to who we are on the inside. For so many years I thought if I could look the "right" way THEN I could be loved and accepted and feel worthy of both. Even though I left the physical act of "bingeing and purging" behind in Chile, all of the emotional baggage of not feeling good enough EVER... came back home to the states with me... along with the extra 30 pounds I was packing on my little missionary booty.



I replaced my eating disorder with an obsessive need to serve (and no... not for others... but for myself... to make ME feel worthy... there was nothing beautiful or Godly about it) It was important for me to identify myself as the worker... the servant... the one who never says no... I always had to be seen serving... always tried to EARN love and attention and affection... by "doing" this time instead of "purging".



It wasn't until I had my oldest son Sawyer, that a good friend (and father of 5) gave me this advice, He said "Lindsay, look at Sawyer... he's so busy... ALL of the time... isn't your favorite time when he just stops and sits in your lap and hugs you and isn't really doing anything at all?? How much more do you think God wants that from you... he doesn't want what you have to offer... he doesn't want what you look like... he wants you... just the way you are." That was the moment my heart began to heal, that was the moment the empty dark hole inside of me started to shrink... that was my first glimpse at worthiness and I knew I wanted more.



I could bore you with more years of dieting and weight gain and pregnancy and dieting... I can't tell you when I finally just started to let go of the  "dieting" and "doing"for all of the wrong reasons because honestly I don't even know... it was probably around kid #3 when I was too tired and strung out to care about trying to look like a barbie or about pleasing others or letting them down by my inability to ever say NO. It's like I just woke up one morning and realized I felt free... it's an amazing feeling... almost indescribable actually.



Now as I'm sitting here typing, at 31,  I can tell you I feel worthy of love... and affection... I don't hate myself... I don't have to "do" or have people see me "do" to feel good about myself... I am fine with my weight and my size 10 jeans... I am who I am... I am who God made me... This blog has walked me through so many of my issues, it's been almost therapeutic to write and be honest and have so many of you tell me you've gone through the same things. I can honestly say now that with all of my "headcaseyness"... with my 160 pounds of pure love of a body... with stretch marks and spider veins... with my dirty house and never ending list of stuff I never get done... I love myself... and I am worthy... have you ever said that out loud? I -AM-WORTHY! I am worthy... not because of who I am or what I've done (yes that's a JJ Heller song:)).. but just the way I am... I am worthy of love and forgiveness and acceptance ... and so are you...

                                                        

















So I have to admit to something...If I tried to sit down and write any kind of anything that any of you would want to spend more than 10 seconds reading, I would bomb.  It's 9:00 PM, I have a to do list sitting in front of me crazy long, dishes that have been there since yesterday morning (not kidding), neither one of my kids had clean jammies tonight, and no thief will be able to break in to my house because I finally got everything out of my car and it is now blocking my front door...so I am pulling out an; 

 Well it has happened once again...my sweet motivated, brainy friend has dragged me into another challenge.  I try to steer clear of her brilliant ideas, schemes and "learning programs" but somehow, she is contagious.  I used to think that I was motivated until Lindsay and her energy made me come face to face with my complacency.  I'm realizing that I was ok with status quo...and uh, this is not necessarily a good thing.   Apparently she wants to be in business with a partner that thinks big, and dreams big!



     Lindsay is forcing me to read..I am reading this great book upon her recommendation, and I'm actually enjoying what I am learning.  Before I say more, I have to tell you how I read.  I look at all of the chapter titles and then skip around to the ones that I think are the most interesting (don't tell her that).  So in this book titled "mentored by a millionaire" and I skipped to chapter 2 where he has a personality profile "test" to take and then he explains what all of the different personalities mean.  I thought this looked like the only fun part in the book...anyway...If anyone is wondering, I am dominantly "golden retriever" with a subdominant type of "lion".  To put it simply I am a sweet easy going door mat that will jump up and bite your head off if you ask me too many questions, I will always put your needs first, unless my patience has worn out then I will demand that you organize your cupboards and while I listen to you complain, but I will respond with encouraging words.  Wow, I am seriously neurotic!!! 

     So when I first started thinking about all of this "personality stuff", I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and REALLY think about it.

     Of course for me, that means dragging my husband into it as a guinea pig and then helping him to learn.   (by this I mean telling him all the ways that he is wrong and I am right).  But for real, what is hitting me all of a sudden, is that we are all different.  WOW you say, big revelation!!  Maybe this is not earth shattering to you, but for me, it kind of is...



 We are all different, not wrong, not right, just different. 



We should all be able to read that a couple of times, and I should end here, but the Lion in me just cant do it...Sorry.

     I like to be right.  (again that pesky Lion!) I have a hard time admitting that I am wrong (big surprise to my husband...the analytical Beaver!) This is not a great trait!!  I don't like to talk on the phone, I don't like a lot of information.  I like to make a decision and be done. I sound like a real ?&*#% hu?  But you know what??  I am crazy compassionate, I will have your back no matter what.  I would give anything up for my family, and I would do anything for a friend.  I take on your grief, and your sorrow, and I would give you the shirt off my back!!  Am I redeemed yet???



     So I guess what this all means is that we all have great weaknesses, and even greater strengths, it is all in how we use them....and...those around us have different strengths and weaknesses, and we should appreciate them!  And really, thank goodness for this fact!   How ridiculously boring would this world be if we were all the same.   How cool would it be if we all could encourage each other instead of being so judgmental and self serving.  I want to lean on my husband for his strength where I am weak, and give Lindsay control when I don't know what the heck I am doing!  Also, I am going to stop beating myself up for not having it all together.  I am designed to be a certain way and I am beginning to understand me.  Cool.  Now, what I am not saying is stay the same...be who you are...HMMMM let me see if I can say this right...be WHO you are, but a gentler, softer version of you.  If you are a "go get em and kill everyone who gets in your way" type person, CHILL...if you are a door mat, TOUGHEN UP...if you are so worried about being liked  that you stifle your logic,  SPEAK OUT.  You get what I am saying??  Use your strengths in a productive way, and recognize your weaknesses and grow from them.  We need to back up off those around us, and I think our kids should be included in this.  Just because they do things differently, does not mean they are wrong.  Lets all understand and appreciate one another instead of thinking we are right and everyone else is wrong...or is that just me???



What are your greatest strengths, and obvious weaknesses???  We want to know!!!



And please share us with your friends...unless they are perfect, we just wont be cool enough for them!

We are trying to get Sawyer  mainstreamed... (meaning out of a self contained special ed classroom) and to start next year off in a class of typical peers... where he will most likely be a little disruptive ... he will most likely make people feel uncomfortable... he will most likely make more work for the teacher of 35 other students... but where he will also add to a culture of tolerance and acceptance. Where he will be able to teach others about celebrating small victories and  not taking the little things for granted. Where he will be a great friend to any child who will give him a chance... where he will light up the room with his smile and the love and unconditional acceptance my sweet boy gives to absolutely anyone who will give him the time of day.



It's amazing to me that in an era when our society is fighting so hard to prevent bullying in schools and to create a culture of tolerance and acceptance of different lifestyles, beliefs and religions... that the special needs community tends to be left behind. Our kids are showered with "services" and we're told that separating them from their peers is what's best for them.  We're told not to force our expectations on them... and to appreciate them for who they are... which is of course true with any child. But with special needs kids there is an "assumed incompetence" ... we are encouraged to push them and challenge them... but no too hard, lest we be accused of not accepting their situation... or who they are in life. After all... they do have autism... down's syndrome, CP... the list goes on... we shouldn't really expect too much right??



Today I am thinking of all of the mama's out there who are getting ready for their IEP's. Who are so tired and overwhelmed with fighting the "system" and playing the stupid games. Whether fighting for much needed services or fighting for someone... anyone... to see the value and gifts their child has to offer... that they're not just a drain and extra work and something to be dealt with... and that they don't need to be shoved aside in a separate class. I know this is a controversial subject and not every parent is for inclusion. With integration comes bullying and mean comments and the fear that their self esteem will be damaged... but if we don't teach kids how to be tolerant of differences and accepting of all people now... how are they going to be tolerant accepting adults? I think about what schools must have faced in the hight of the civil right movement in the 60's... what if nothing was ever done about segregation because it would have been too hard for the teachers, because it would cause disruption and require flexibility and patience from everyone... where would we be as a nation if an entire people group were left behind because it was just easier for everyone to keep things how they had been for years and years. That thought process wasn't acceptable then... and it's not now.



Think about taking time today to talk to you child about the kids in their school who experience disability... saying hi to someone who seems different... inviting them to play on the play ground or join them for lunch could make such a difference in that child's life AND in your child's life as well...



Here's a short video I made for a school who came along and partnered with Sawyer last year... they are proof that 7th and 8th graders do have the capacity to affect change and show true compassion...