Friday, January 28, 2011
I am the most beautiful woman in the world
Shauna... is a stay at home mom of two girls, she's the author of the "Waypoint" book series, and her personal blog "Breathe, Smile, Pray...Repeat." Her girls keep her on her toes, and have been the inspiration for many blog posts, here and on BSPR. She's just an ordinary mom trying to master the most natural job in the world.
I am the most beautiful woman in the world.Don’t believe me? Ask my kids, they’ll tell you.To them, their mommy is gorgeous. They don’t see my flaws, they don’t see my wrinkles or pimples (so not fair by the way) they just see the woman whom they adore.
I like to think that our children see us the way God does, I mean really He wouldn’t waste his time creating someone or something He didn’t see as beautiful, right? So why do I constantly question and criticize God’s work? Who am I to tell the man upstairs that his artwork needs a little help?
There is a story that I think about often, not sure what brilliant mind came up with it, but it goes something like this;
A little boy loses his mom at a shopping mall, he knows if he is ever lost to find a police officer to help him. He sees an officer and runs over to him,
“Help, I’ve lost my mom!” he wails.
“It’s okay, little buddy, we’ll find her” the officer scoops up the young boy and takes him to the security office. “Okay son, I’m gonna need you to tell me what your mom looks like” he requests.
“Oh that’s easy” says the boy. “She is the most beautifullest lady in the world.”
The boy then continues to tell the officer about how amazingly beautiful his mother is.
After hearing this description the officer imagines this gorgeous woman and radios all the other officers at the mall her description, of course they all believe she is some sort of cross between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, and so this is the type of woman they look for, pretty much ignoring every other woman who cross their paths.
After a few minutes a woman approaches the security office. She is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, tennis shoes and has a baseball cap covering her frizzy hair, which is pulled back into a “mommy tail.”
“I can’t find my son!” she wails to the security officer at the front desk.
The officer who is still thinking about Angelina Jolie doesn’t even connect the dots that this woman, exhausted and sweaty, could possibly be the mother of the boy in the next room. And so he takes her information and has her wait. It isn’t until the door to the side room is opened that the boy screams with delight and runs over to the frazzled woman.
All of the officers are dumbfounded- this woman is not beautiful, sure with some makeup and the proper attire she’s okay, but in no way close to the most beautiful woman in the world.
But to her son, she is…
So when do our kids stop thinking we are beautiful? When we tell them to, that’s when.
Every time we look in the mirror and sigh with disappointment, we tell them just how ugly we are. Every time we complain about our wrinkles, or our weight we tell them. It happens over and over again until one day we just aren’t that pretty to them. For some kids this is highly confusing, here is a woman they find to be the most beautifullest in the whole wide world and then we tell them they are wrong over and over again. Pretty soon they start to believe us.
I remember this with my mom, she would look in the mirror and complain about how fat she was, and she weighed 120 pounds. I instantly decided I was fat, and have battled that instinct for decades now. I heard her tell me over and over how ugly she is, only to cringe now when people tell me how much I look like her. She never said I was ugly, she never said I was fat, but she said it about herself, and because she is my mom, I believed her.
As a grown up though, I now know how beautiful my mother is, and I tell her often. I still have to call her on it though, when she says mean things about my daughter’s grandmother. Which is why now I don’t allow two words in my house, the “U” word (ugly) and the “F” word, and by that I mean FAT, (the other F word isn’t allowed either, although I would be far more forgiving if one of my kids said that word than calling themselves fat).
So today and every day I vow to myself to not confuse my kids. I refuse to continue this trend of self hating woman in my family. It’s almost an addiction and I’m done with it. Think that it’s just moms with girls that need to worry? Think again! If you have boys you are raising the next generation of husbands who will judge their wives based on what YOU tell them. So proceed with caution.
I don’t look like I did when I was 18, I shouldn’t! I’ve had two kids and gone through some stress. I’m proud of my laugh lines, and I know I have seriously earned every single one of these gray hairs. I don’t have to like them, but I guess I’m to a point of appreciation, yes I appreciate the fact that gray hairs are some of my biggest concerns right now, and I appreciate that I live in a time when covering those gray hairs takes only 25 minutes!
So next time you look in the mirror and see something you don’t like, remember there are little people watching. They are taking notes on how to do life, so keep your judgments about how horrible you look to yourself; nobody wants to hear them anyways. If you feel better beating yourself up, write those hateful thoughts in a journal, one day when you’re 80 you’ll look at that journal and sigh about all the time you wasted hating yourself.
I’m not gonna be that 80 year old. I’m gonna be the great grandma, with my cellulite and chin hairs lounging on a beach with my great grandkids building sand castles. That’s how I am choosing to do life.
One other thing, my girls are constantly being told how much they look like their momma, and guess what…my girls are GORGEOUS!
I remember this with my mom, she would look in the mirror and complain about how fat she was, and she weighed 120 pounds. I instantly decided I was fat, and have battled that instinct for decades now. I heard her tell me over and over how ugly she is, only to cringe now when people tell me how much I look like her. She never said I was ugly, she never said I was fat, but she said it about herself, and because she is my mom, I believed her.
As a grown up though, I now know how beautiful my mother is, and I tell her often. I still have to call her on it though, when she says mean things about my daughter’s grandmother. Which is why now I don’t allow two words in my house, the “U” word (ugly) and the “F” word, and by that I mean FAT, (the other F word isn’t allowed either, although I would be far more forgiving if one of my kids said that word than calling themselves fat).
So today and every day I vow to myself to not confuse my kids. I refuse to continue this trend of self hating woman in my family. It’s almost an addiction and I’m done with it. Think that it’s just moms with girls that need to worry? Think again! If you have boys you are raising the next generation of husbands who will judge their wives based on what YOU tell them. So proceed with caution.
I don’t look like I did when I was 18, I shouldn’t! I’ve had two kids and gone through some stress. I’m proud of my laugh lines, and I know I have seriously earned every single one of these gray hairs. I don’t have to like them, but I guess I’m to a point of appreciation, yes I appreciate the fact that gray hairs are some of my biggest concerns right now, and I appreciate that I live in a time when covering those gray hairs takes only 25 minutes!
So next time you look in the mirror and see something you don’t like, remember there are little people watching. They are taking notes on how to do life, so keep your judgments about how horrible you look to yourself; nobody wants to hear them anyways. If you feel better beating yourself up, write those hateful thoughts in a journal, one day when you’re 80 you’ll look at that journal and sigh about all the time you wasted hating yourself.
I’m not gonna be that 80 year old. I’m gonna be the great grandma, with my cellulite and chin hairs lounging on a beach with my great grandkids building sand castles. That’s how I am choosing to do life.
One other thing, my girls are constantly being told how much they look like their momma, and guess what…my girls are GORGEOUS!
We are crazy excited and totally proud of Shauna that Barnes and Noble
is now caring her book, Cache Quest Oregon!!! You and your kids will love it!!!
Once again...share away! We appreciate it...oh and we loooove to hear from you!!
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13 comments:
I already like the Waypoint book page!!!
I think the most beautiful thing about me is my ability to make beautiful children :-).
Wow Shauna! This is so true... I have to think about this all the time cause I have little girls that look just like me. If I trash the way I look, one day they will connect the dots and begin to trash themselves! Wow... Thank you! And I'm gonna go share your link right now cause I want to be a heroin in a book!
A subject that I'm passionate about already has now been articulated in the most perfect way! Thank you Shauna for expressing this vital perspective.... one that really needs to be taken on board by everyone, not just parents... but especially parents, as the next generation is being guided. I feel there are several "epidemics" in our society that need to be eradicated and I am working on the philosophy "be the change you want to see in the world", and "I'm starting with the man in the mirror". Right now we all have the power to change ourselves into self-loving, self-appreciating people.... and can encourage the same in others. YAY!!!! :) I hope that everyone will share this with their circle of friends - the more people who read this, and take it to heart the better! Thank you Shauna! :)
Amazing writing Shauna you have such a way with words. And all this is so true. I hope you and your family are doing great!
Oh Yay an Alaska book. I'm living in Alaska...hint hint ;)
I just went and liked her page.
The most beautiful thing about me is is me. I may not be skinny or a super model but I am me. And I can honestly look in the mirror and be happy with that.
Oops - I forgot to say the most beautiful thing about me. I guess it's my kind, loving spirit towards others and my ability to motivate others to see the best in themselves.... I'm working on directing that more towards myself too. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPb5dWdlsS0&feature=related
You reminded me of this song....You are very beautiful, inside and out!
Thank you,Shauna, for reminding us how powerful we are in shaping who our children become and how they see themselves & the world.I "liked" your pages and am keeping my fingers crossed! My husband says my sweet and loving nature makes me beautiful. I don't know about that but I will say that I LOVE FIERCELY!!
Very interesting blog. Could it be that the media's portrayal of women - all we see are skinny, stick figures with a lot of makeup? This then is embedded into both male and females that the perfect woman is 50 pounds and with a lot of makeup and a hell of a lot of plastic in her. Whatever happened to the days when a man would look at a woman with curves and go "damn, shes lookin fine"? I think that this is where it should start – cut all the media garbage – because that isn’t the truth – what we see on TV is NOT the truth.
I look at Cath and I see the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. She doesnt need makeup. She doesnt need to go on some ridiculous diet. She doesnt need plastic surgery. She doesnt need to gym 5 days a week to look perfect. In my eyes, shes already perfect - the way that the man upstairs had intended her to be. She has the curves, she has the brains, she has the humour – that is what a real woman is.
A lot of women (and I have also heard of men) resort to makeup to fix up the "imperfections" on their face/body etc. If they are doing this in front of their kids, what would the kids think? They would start to think that not only are their parents not perfect but also that of themselves, that they are not perfect and need to resort to wearing "masks" to be someone that they are not. While a woman has to be confident around her kids to show beauty and pride, I also think that the man has to play a vital part in showing kids beauty. By loving openly, it instils on the kids that their mommy is the most beautiful woman to their daddy too.
It has taken me a long time to learn this, but then again, I wasn’t with the right women – I am with the right woman now – and she has shown that its ok to love without any limitations.....words cant describe the gratitude I have for having her in my life. This is what our kids will see in her, and in us - they will be tomorrow's leaders :)
Thank you Matt! The world needs more men like you! Beautiful inside and out :-)
Once again you amaze and humble me, and challange me in ways that I never even thought of before! I am so grateful that God put you in my life to be able to know and love.
I did some research in college about how parents affect their girls self-esteem. What you say is RIGHT ON! Girls take on whatever their mom thinks about herself as what she thinks about them! I vowed when I have my own kids to keep my self hating comments to myself.
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