I think I've shared before... or maybe my mom (the E.M.G-Ma) has... but growing up my mom's mantra was "Do as I say, not as I do..." and it's still the running joke in our family. If you've read this blog at all, you know that I, Lindsay, am never the one to really write about advice or how to's ... mostly because my life is a series of "woops probably shouldn't try that again's".



So today's post is written mostly by some of you... last night on facebook I asked readers to finish this statement: A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER... and this is what YOU came up with...



{1} From Gena M... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Refer to a tampon as a "push pop"...as it might cause confusion...and your child *might* dig one out of your purse and ask you to open her"ice cream" (not that I would know from experience or anything...) ;)



{2} From Shaneen... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Leave her breast pump where her 3 year old son might find it and try to use it....and have a rage when his " boobs just won't work"...



{3} From Krystal... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Smell things.... like if you find something brown in the car seat or in pants - accept that it's probably poo and resist the urge to smell hoping it's chocolate....it never is! Like when we find wet spots, why we sniff is beyond me - just wash it.



{4} From Lacie  & Kriste ... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ "SAY NEVER"... because you never know what kind of kiddo you'll end up parenting :) AND the moment you do, it always comes around to bite ya in the tush! ;)

[Editor's Note: True Dat... yeah I said it]





{5} From ME...~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Ignore silence... it's never worth it, EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



{6} From Tricia.... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ make their child eat liver!

[Editor's Note: I would like to add green peas and benadryl... all things my son pukes on site from... literally...]





{7} From Ceisha... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Wear White.... really that needs no explanation:)



{8} From Mindy... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ assume that there isnt spit in her lipgloss tube...(i know...disgusting.) my daugter sneaks my tubes and somehow spit ends up them.. gag.





{9} From Jill... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ have long acrylic nails and change a poopy diaper... 

[Editor's Note: Did anyone else just throw up a little??]





{10} From April... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~  Mix red wine and chocolate martinis the night before Easter... and then get so sick she can't be the Easter Bunny...





{11} From Me Again... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~  Leave the car door open near a hose... because little boys see that as an open invitation to "wash" the inside of your car... we're talking hose full blast in the back seat "wash"... 





{12} From Emilie... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~  Shop for swimwear sober...





{13} From Cindy... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~  Accidentally take too much Tri Mag (a natural laxative) ...the night before assisting at a school field trip...





{14} From Kim... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~  assume that a child would "not" crawl in bed with mom and dad during "close" time, without being noticed!



{15} From Anonymous (obviously)... ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Forget to lock the door while taking care of some "personal grooming".... [Editor's Note: this is not the original phrasing... I wrote the more socially acceptable version... the original knocked me out of my chair in hysterics... I didn't want anyone to get hurt.]





{16} From Christina...  ~A MOTHER SHOULD NEVER~ Think you have more time to be with them, Time is to precious. Enjoy every moment....They grow up too fast...



I thought I should end with a nice one:) hehe... I hope this made you laugh today... I love hearing from so many amazing moms everyday!! Thanks for sharing and making the rest of us smile!!! Have a happy Wednesday!

Photography by Maria Alexandra Photography

Yesterday Gena called after a daunting trip to the post office with her youngest monkey. She said, "I think I may have just got a glimpse of the judgmental stares you've told me so much about."  Apparently Mr. H, her almost 3 year old was less than cooperative and to put it nicely was like a monkey on crack. As she told me the story she was laughing one of those crazy laughs ... like she was either going to pull a Thelma and Louise and drive off a cliff or start to cry.



All I could do was tell her I was sorry... judgmental glares stares and comments just feel crappy whether it's because people don't remember what it's like to be smack dap in the middle of terrible two's or because they don't understand why a six year old would be flailing, screaming in an isle throwing a two year old tantrum (mama warriors you know what I'm talking about). 



By now you know that I don't know anything about anything so this is not a post of great tips to conquering your strong willed child... but I do have an arsenal of sanity savers to survive the sometimes years of butting heads that come with raising mind-numbingly headstrong strong, independent monkeys on crack:

1. And this is the most important.... when your child starts throwing one of those "that's not really my child" tantrums in public... Stop what you're doing... Keep your head down and get the HELL out.... I think I might stitch that on a pillow...  (eye contact with other adults is bad... very very bad... it's almost an invitation for unsolicited criticism advice and looks of horror.)


2. Have something you look forward to everyday... Sticking to your guns and feeling like the bad guy all the time can be rough on a mama. Constantly having to be on top of the strong willed culprit and ready with consequences...is EXHAUSTING... so after my monkeys are in bed (at 7pm on the dot... cause I'm mean like that) I always try to have something to look forward to. Usually a date with my friend Merlot... but sometimes a bath and some ice cream are just the trick... 


3. Let go of the guilt... When Gena and I talk on the really rough days... we know we're safe with each other to say... we don't want to do this anymore... {Gasp... yes I said it.} Of course we aren't serious and it's only a little true... but there's a huge weight of guilt that surrounds those feelings. Even if that thought is only a fraction of a percent true, it feels yucky and I beat myself up over it. Especially about a half hour after they're all asleep for the night and I go in and they look like little angels... I wonder how I could have ever been so frustrated with such perfect little men... but then a new day starts and with it comes the "stares of doom" where if they could talk I know they be saying... "Oh, sorry... did you really think you're in charge here... because I'm pretty sure I'm going to ignore you and do what I want."  I think the point is... when you know you love your child more than life... it's ok to have the split second feelings of "I don't want to do this anymore".... I think if we're honest... most of us have felt that way at one time or another. So let it go... You're not alone.


4. Focus on the bright side... The really exceptionally great thing about having strong willed children is that they are in fact strong. They are decisive and persistent and not afraid of a fight. Those are great qualities to have as an adult... those things alone make a person great and will allow them to do amazing things in life ... that could be my own little fairy tale I tell myself... but hey it helps me sleep at night:)


5. Learn from other people's mistakes... I have to say in my journey as a mother of special needs and very strong willed children there's one thing I wish no mother would ever have to experience... and that's the judgemental comments and stares from people who haven't walked in my shoes. It's about the crappiest feeling ever to be on the receiving end of harsh criticism on top of having to deal with a meltdown or stand off... it hurts... and it stays with me for days. You would think that alone would keep me from EVER uttering "I would never..." or giving a disapproving look at someone parenting differently than I do... but honestly I've done it... and today I am making a pact to stop. We have to stop beating each other up or the cycle will never end!

Someone wrote on our earth Monkeys facebook page the other day that this too shall pass... they were talking about toddlerhood. And while being a strong willed child isn't always just a phase, I think eventually the days of constantly testing boundaries and saying NO to everything will die down...maybe... hopefully... Regardless, I will remember that what makes them a pain and hard to live with at times is what also is going to make them great men. No one said being a parent was going to be easy... I am just thankful that I get to go through it with moms like you... It's so comforting to know that I'm not alone... and neither are you!





Don't Forget to {Go Blue} for autism awareness month.. Check out these amazing mother warriors and do your part to spread awareness about autism this month!

Organizing Made Fun

Mom’s Flight School

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A Bowl Full of Lemons

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Pieces of My Heart

Me you Wine and Cheesecake

     Remember the time before you were a mother, or even the first bit into your motherhood journey when you thought you had all of the answers?  When you would say things like "I will never...",  "I can't believe that mother is doing...", or "I will always...".  Well personally, I am at the stage where all of those are coming back to bite me in the butt!  The one I am living now relates to a time when I used to think that the terrible two's were a myth and anyone experiencing them had obviously created this little monster by their lack of parenting skills.  Well...you guessed it...I have one of those 2 year olds!  You see, my daughter was an ANGEL (I'm sure there are things I am forgetting) but my son; well he is another story for sure.  I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that the list I have started, has been made out of a necessity for us both to survive this horrific challenging time.  You noticed I said "started" this list?  Well that is because I am leaving it up to you all to finish it.  I am begging you to add to it because heavens knows that I need all of the help I can get!!  So here we go...

Lindsay and I with our two toddlers... oh and she has another one!!   and don't let the cute faces fool you!

     I am a divorcé.   Oh the horror, gasp, no way, OMG!  There was a time in my early years of being married that I was very judgmental toward people that did not "honor their commitment to marriage!" Wow how those kind of stupid "holier than thou" thoughts have come back to bite me in the butt!!!

     I was married for almost 7 years when a week before our 8th anniversary, my husband moved out.  Now I'm sure that you all are just dying to hear that story, (right) but suffice it say that it happened very suddenly and I not only lost my husband, but my best friend (you get my drift???).  To say that it was horribly devastating, heartbreaking and traumatic, is at best, and understatement.  I remember the moment that I learned why they call it a "broken heart", and why someone could drive off of a cliff because of it.  This was the person that I had committed my life to, the man I thought I would grow old with, the man I built my life around!  Thank God I was lucky enough to have the support of my loving family, my friends, my God and it was because of their love that I made it through this horrible process.

     What I want to talk about though, is what I learned from it all...not everything, because that would take days!!!  I have had the chance to talk to loads of women who have gone through the same thing;  The heartbreak is about the same but the major difference is how we come out of it in the end.  I'm super competitive and I think at the end of it all, this



So I have to admit to something. I fully realize that I just stopped mid sentence but I was trying to write this in the middle of my day with the kids running around all crazy like. I have now had dinner, a margarita and the kids are taking a bubble bath. Not alone people! Sheesh I'm not totally inept as a parent.   Anyway, the advice could get really good now, after a margi, even though I may regret what I'm saying in the morning.. Now back to that amazing advice I was about to give you....



     See, what I learned is that I can sit around for days, months or even years and feel sorry for myself.  I   could wallow in self pity, sulk and bore everyone with the details for years on how "my x this, and my x that".  Wouldn't that be productive! I'm sorry, but to be totally honest, I talked to so many women who gave their exes that kind of power over them for years, lots of years, and I was determined to NOT be one of them. Seriously, I had every right to be bitter and angry but then who still has the power over me?  He would have!   Call me crazy, but that was the last thing I wanted to give him was more power!!!  Let me be totally clear,



     I started hanging out with my sweet husband much before I ever even thought it was a good idea. He was just a friend, really people!  Let me just be clear...this is not part of my "advice"...I'm not suggesting to anyone in this situation that you date right away and marry the first guy that comes along without years of healing; but for me it was right.  (one other thing I have stopped being judgmental about!) For sure there were times when my past snuck in like a punch in the face, but again I had to remind myself..."do I give my x that kind of power over me??".  For me the answer was always  NO. I had a very hard time trusting, but my husband is NOT my x!  Life is scary and unpredictable. "it" could happen to me again, but do I live in fear?  Do I let my past dictate my future? Heeeellll noooooooooooo!  I look at my husband and praise God for letting him be the man I get to share my life with.  I look at my kids, amazing, beautiful little faces and weap at the thought that they would not be ours if I would have been too scared to move on!  We just celebrated 8 years of marriage and I love him more than I did when I married him!

     We all have the crap from our past that scares us into paralysis...whether it's abuse from a parent, someone abandoning you, death, or like me divorce, and I certainly don't want to insult anyone or in anyway oversimplify any of these traumas, but at the end of the day, it's up to you. Are you going to give that asshole person from your past control over how you choose your future?  Or are you going to be brave, take a leap of faith and jump? That doesn't mean be unwise, but it does mean to do your best to trust and move on. Could you get hurt again? Yup! Should that keep you from being brave and trying? Nope! You survived lady!!!! now get off the couch and go live!  Let your past give you streingth because you are wiser, and more resilient.  Life is waiting, be brave and live!  (or I will come to your house and give you a good dose of Gena drill sergeant!...too much?  Must be the margi speaking!)







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 I wish I could end with the title... (hey don't agree with me here!!!)  but I must explain...



My daughter loves to draw.  She loves to paint, to trace, to color and anything that can be turned into artwork will be.  She is 5.  We all know that a five year old has limits in this area and that her artwork would probably not be admired by strangers, but it is admired by me.  When she makes a drawing, I have two choices...

One, I could say "oh honey, that's a good try, but that looks nothing like a dinosaur, and the colors are really not quite correct, and why would you put hearts in the sky??  There are not hearts in the sky ever.

Or option 2 would go something more like this...Oh honey, that is beautiful!  That looks like the happiest dinosaur in the world, and he is so lucky to be pink and purple!!  And he is so full of love, that he puts hearts in the sky!!!  I LOVE IT!!!!

Now, the first would be a better description of what is really going on, but what would that do to her desire to create if I said those words???



Let me give you another example...

My two year old boy LOVES to sing and "play the guitar".  He does a great job, but it goes without saying that he is not always in tune, and his guitar playing resembles that of a donkey stuck in a barbed wire fence. (not that I have heard that personally, but I can't imagine it would sound very good..) Once again, I have two options...

I could say, Baby, you don't sound quite like the people singing the song,  they said "mama called the doctor and the doctor said...NOT mama doll the dada nadad dad daid....and when you play the guitar, it hurts my ears.

OR I could say, Baby, mama looooooves it when you sing (and break into a crazy dance) it blesses my heart!  You sound like an angel!  And your guitar sounds just like daddies!  Good job pumpkin!!!

Once again, the first would be more true...



But what would it do to my kids spirits if I pointed out every fault, or everything they could do better???  It would deflate them.  They would give up!  My sweet girl would stop drawing, and my baby boy would stop singing!!! (oh that breaks my heart!)

We have soooo much control of how inspired or broken our kids become!!!!



Here is another way to put it...

If I talk over and over about how "shy" my child is, she will be shy!

If I tell my boy all day long what a "bad boy" he is, he will be bad!

And seriously, If I ever hear any parent call their child "stupid" I will go ape all over them!!!

Oh and just a side note...you that are married, If you tell your husband what a lazy, selfish, unloving  jerk he is, guess what he will be???(just saying!!!)

If we say you're NOT good at math, or soccer, or driving, or talking....guess what they will NOT be good at???



In contrast to that..

If I tell my daughter that she is the best big sissy in the world, she hugs her brother when he cries, helps him when he falls down, and "teaches" him how to read! (this often happens in my house!)

When my son hears over and over that it is important to be gentle to girls and be respectful to them...imagine the type of man he will be.

If we say your an amazing singer, a beautiful dancer, such a great communicator, and I love how you are respectful to everyone you are around...they will rise to the standards that we set for them! 



I think it goes without saying that we want our kids to be successful adults (and I'm not talking money here) so treat them like successful children.  Does criticism or brutal honesty motivate any of us?  I think not.  I want to use my words and attitude to build up my children!!!



So here is a little challenge for all of us today.  Lets be mindful of every word that we say to our kids today...I am committed to only use my words to encourage, lift them up and bring joy!



Glad you're here today, and hoping you will "share" us with your friends!!!

We hope this gives you a good laugh...if it does, please share us with your friends!  And please, leave your best advice (or really embarrassing story) in our comment box below, its not too late to help out a fellow EMM!



We wish you all a very safe and happy new year!!  Thank you all for a first great run...we look forward to a ton more fun!

NVAKATPGPMZE 

Ahhh sweet, unadulterated, unsolicited advice… it’s like veggies and aftershave, too much can gag you. You’d be surprised (or maybe you wouldn’t) how much unsolicited advice/comments/veiled criticism one gets when she announces on facebook that oops she’s pregnant with number 4.