1. I am never having kids... I maintained this one for 5 years after we got married, but when the baby bug bit, there was nothing I could do. Still to this day I run into people who say, "Remember how you said you were never going to have kids." 


2. My Kids will only play with wooden toys... you know because the plastic ones are so ugly... today you would be hard pressed to find a toy or anything "kid" in my house that isn't plastic florescent or colored on with sharpie marker.


3. My kids won't watch TV until they're 3 and then only educational programming... ahahahahahahahahahaha... had I known that TV is the only way to calm my crack monkeys down I  think I would have just skipped that one.


4. I will never make more than one meal, my kids won't be picky... If there are pickier kids on the planet I haven't met them. My oldest pukes at the site of green peas and I make 6+ meals a day mon-fri to suit everyone's tastes.


5. My kids won't wear anything with cartoons on them.... I still don't like this but my monkeys are freaks for thomas and cars 2 and want to wear anything and everything that dawns those characters... but what's a mom to do?


6. Marriage and kids won't make me frumpy... bwahahahahha... anyone who read my post a couple of weeks ago should be spitting their coffee through their nose right now... ya... moving on....


7. When I'm a stay at home mom my house will never be messy... I seriously used to say this... I know... I'm an idiot, it's actually probably messier since we're all home all day everyday... who knew???

1. You often experience more that 5 emotions in a 2 minute period... (this is a fun one for the whole family to enjoy:))


2. When they have questions, your kids and husband approach you like they are getting ready to feed a wild animal because they're not sure which of mommies several personalities will answer them.


3. You get a crazed psycho smile on your face while saying things like... "Oh you'll eat it... You'll eat it and you'll like it." (this could just be a symptom of a mommy funk as well)


4. You forget what you're talking about mid sentence. (see also ...ummmm ..... "mommy brain")


5. You tell yourself your just PMSy... for 12 weeks straight. 


6. You have left the house with 2 different flip flops and mascara on only one eye more than once. (Again reference "mommy brain"... as symptoms may over lapse.)

11 years of marriage, 3 crazy kids and my oh my how times have changed. I remember back in the day when I would hurry to get my make-up on and wear just the right outfit for my hunka hunka burnin love. Heck even 5 years into it when I was preggo with monkey numero uno I wore 6 inch wedges to make my legs look thinner... (note to self: when you gain 50+ pounds during pregnancy wedges make you look more like a bale of hay on stilts than "slim" in any sense of the word) Now I consider it a victory if I actually get dressed during the day and doing my hair (which only takes 35 seconds total) and putting on make up only happens for "Special Occasions"... my poor hubby!



Last night I looked at myself... I hadn't showered in a couple of days (due to the fact that whenever I get in the shower my kids seriously try to kill each other or I don't know color with permanent marker on my favorite shoes) and I was wearing the same jammies I had been wearing and worked out in the morning before... it was definitely a low point. I turned to my husband and said "Sorry babe, I promise I'll start putting myself together more often I know I totally look like a hot mess." (minus the hot part), I expected him to say his obligatory "No babe you look great." but instead he said, "I know you've had a lot going on today." Waaa???? It was that moment that I decided I needed to stop being quite so comfortable with my sexy self and go brush my teeth.



Here are some red flags that you are in the same "Jammie Day EVERYDAY" rut...

1. If on the rare occasion when you get dressed in cut offs and a flip flops your kids ask why you're so dressed up... (this one is for you Kiley:))


2. If you have been wearing the same workout clothes for 2+ work out sessions... (even a cute yoga outfit has it's "re-wear" limits.)


3. If your husband would rather give you a high five when he gets home from work than a kiss.


4. If you come out of your room in the morning (bed head in full force) with your purse in your hands ready to pay bills online and your kids ask where you're going. (uhhhh because they're used to leaving the house with you looking like that!)


5. If you get caught in your jammies by the fedex guy almost every time he comes... at 3 pm!


6. If at any point your kids or husband ask you f you are actually going to leave the house like that.

Mindy from Pretty in Paint made this little doozie!

I saw this idea of a blessings board on another blog somewhere and I knew I had to do it. Usually sweet flowery things make me want to throw up a little in my mouth, but this little crafty poo is a sweet kick in the teeth.  So... I am writing a blessing on  post-its and sticking them to a board in my room ... so every time I want to have a pity party or complain... wham... it can kick me in the teeth and say, "Hey selfish, annoying, whiny lady... look at all of the amazing things you have in your life." Today I posted 7 to the board and here they are:

1. {Sibling Rivalry...} I guess I'll I just need to repeat costco, costco, costco... over and over in my head  so I'm not tempted to pull a Thelma & Louise during what seems to be NEVER-ENDING-FIGHTING! (costco)


2. {School Clothes...} My amazing big sister took all three boys shopping today and got them shoes and pants and shirts and socks... who does that?? My big sister!! That's who!:) I love you Abbers!


3. {Great Friends...} I swear I have the best friends ever... they love me for me and put up with my non-stop verbal vomit... they are some pretty darn amazing women (and some guys too:)) and I am so beyond blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people!


4. {COFFEE!!!} Seriously... this needs no explanation!


5. {God's Amazing Grace...} woops maybe I should have put this first... I was a little caught up in my costco moment... But He is so good... all of the time...


6. {The right words, when I need them} My hubby just has a way with words... this is what he texted me the other night while I pulled a mini Thelma & Louise at Costco (well I guess it was just a Thelma because Louise was at the coast) ... "You are beautiful... this is the life we GET to live." reminding me that we are so incredibly blessed to be parents to these special boys... even on the rough days. 


7. {An Amazing Family...} How amazing is it to have a HUGE and by HUGE I mean GINOURMOUS group of relatives that we would actual choose as friends even if we weren't related. We have the best family and don't take any of them for granted for even one second. 

...psst... she has three boys too... so she's familiar with the funk!

"...you have to..."

Sometimes I resent the things I "have" to do in a day... and for no real reason at all I get myself into a mommy funk. So when my three year old says for the 7000th time "Mom, You have to..." instead of correcting him and modeling the words he should say... I get right down on his level and say... "I don't HAVE to do anything." (Insert head bob and finger wave here) ... at which point he ignores my attitude and repeats himself... and I just end up doing what he's asking me to do anyway ... but with a grudge. It's funny how fast I forget how blessed I am to HAVE to do so many mundane and sometimes down right disgusting things... hey I live with four boys remember:):)



It was two years ago this past Sunday that my husband CJ and I moved our family back to Southern Oregon. We left our house still on the market just outside of Portland and lost every dime of our savings we had invested in that place. It was the lowest point in our lives together... a newborn baby and two special boys who had just been diagnosed with PDD-NOS (a form of autism). We were broke, broken and honestly at times I felt hopeless... A lot of you already know this story... already know my heart ache of mourning the sons I thought we were going to have and learning to love and celebrate the amazing boys God made them to be... many of you already know that we lost everything and lived with my parents for nine months relying on food stamps and family to help us through one of the darkest chapters of our lives. It was humiliating and earth shattering and beautiful all at once.



It's amazing how things can change in two years. I wish I could say we weren't still reeling from the aftermath of that disaster. What I can say is that if I had the chance to wipe it all out.. to get to skip that portion of our lives... I WOULDN'T THINK OF IT.



While I don't wish dark times on ANYONE... ever... I have to say it's what grows us... it's what gives us perspective and grace for people and situations we may have stood in judgement of before. Without pain I don't think we can fully experience compassion... without struggle and suffering we really have no reason to grow.

...my love...

My husband and I have decided that we want to do something every 3rd of July to remember where we were and to marvel at how far God has brought us. How the rough stuff bound us together... if even just barely by a thread at times... we got through it with a deeper connection and love than we ever knew possible. And that my friends is worth celebrating!



I love remembering the fact that it was only two short years ago that I was praying for this very home... even knowing about the black mold, old windows, draftiness and bug "situation"... I dreamed of how our family would grow and thrive in this place... and we have. It's remembering July 3rd, 2009 that brings me out of my "mommy funks" and reminds me to celebrate all the the things I GET to do for my friends and family and amazing boys who are doing better than ever.



Perspective is everything... it's so easy to lose... and sometimes so painful to gain. What do you GET to do today?

It gets worse but I want you to still like me so we'll leave it at that... Is there anything in your life that is out of whack, but you justify it as "Just being how you are"?? Are you brave enough to put on your big girl panties (not to be confused with granny panties) with me and take the plunge.... I'm scared but I know it will be worth it...



P.S. If you'd like to know more about how you can have Kriste as your coach, check out her site at: www.coachingtowardempowerment.wordpress.com 



P.S.S. Not this isn't a paid review of her services... we're not that kind of blog... we just like what we like and we pass it on:):)

I love my kids, I do, but wow, my youngest has hit the terrible two’s, her birthday is actually the day this will post, the 20th. I can’t wait 'til next year; I remember 3 being so much fun, right now that is the only light I have.



I’m writing this a few weeks early (5/5/11) because of a trip I’m taking, and I felt inspired today because I am so stressed out, going so insane and in need of a much needed time out. To the point of wanting to scream and cry and lock myself in my closet…with my children’s Easter baskets.



My days start around 6:30 am with a screaming toddler and end hopefully around midnight if everyone goes to bed and I have gotten chores done and hopefully some writing on my next book… which feeling inspired when I am absolutely drained, annoyed and well, pissed off? Yeah that’s gonna happen! So needless to say I am exhausted, I am cranky, I yell too much, and stand in front of my refrigerator often looking for something…anything to make me feel better. But since I have been watching my sugar intake sadly there is nothing good in my fridge (that would constitute binging on, at least).



Here is my dilemma, I need a break so badly, I want one so badly, I want to sleep in until noon and be awakened by a room service person bringing me a veggie omelet with a bran muffin (wow I am getting so old) I just realized how lame my “dream” is, bran muffin, sheesh! I remember the days before I had kids, Awe College, scheduling classes to start after 10am, sitting at the Starbucks as I leisurely read my assigned work. Staying up late, cleaning and having things stay tidy…oh sorry I got lost for a minute there. Anyhow where was I? Oh yes - I’m desperate for a break!



When the time comes for me to take one though, I feel horribly guilty and frankly - terrified. What if something happens to the kids? What if something happens to Dave and me? What if there is the earth quake that everyone says there is going to be, and I am on another continent enjoying an adult beverage? And now thanks to recent events, what if there is a terrorist on my plane and I go down and become a flight number?



I know these thoughts are irrational, but I also know that my trips are always tainted with my worry. We leave for Cancun in a week, I am beyond excited, especially after a day like today, but I know the night before we leave I will think of every excuse not to go, (I have already checked the cancellation insurance, yeah, it’s pretty specific about injuries and such, so that probably won’t work). But seriously I will be in tears as the flight attendant tells me where the emergency exits are. I will be profiling every single person on the aircraft, (not for if they may be carrying a bomb, but as to how easily I can knock them over and beat them out the emergency exits) and my stomach will be in knots the entire flight, which will in turn make matters worse because I swear to God that I WILL be the person that gets sucked into the airplane toilet and so I’m afraid to use them.



MY POOR HUSBAND.



Here’s the problem, I bitch, I wine, I complain… “I need a break; you get to go to work! You get a break; you get to miss the kids! You get adult time! All I do is dishes and diapers and I vacuum and then YOU walk in with dirty boots!” So he says, “Okay Merry Christmas YOU are getting a break, we’re going to Cancun!” I cry, get excited, start planning ridiculous expeditions, and then as the date approaches I start to freak out again, “We didn’t get our Will done! What if Madi loses her first tooth while we are gone? Will your parents know to save the tooth? What if our plane goes down? What if they get sick, I can’t leave a sick kid and go on vacation. What type of a mother am I that I want a break from my own kids?? Blah blah blah…crying...blah blah…more ridiculous crying, wailing now...blah blah!”



Again, MY POOR HUSBAND.



He can’t win, he tries, but he can’t because I am officially psycho! This man tries so hard, he gets up every morning before everyone else, he tip toes around the house as to not wake the kids, or I, God bless him. Goes to work where he gets yelled at by co-workers or the public, apologizes all day long for stuff that he didn’t do, most days comes home for lunch so I can get five minutes to myself, goes back to work, then somehow gets in his truck comes home to a house of crazy. He then will, a lot of nights, make dinner, play with the kids, get yelled at for not taking his work boots off, do bath time, cut toe nails, read bedtime stories, and then get up five times to tell the kids to go to bed because I am dead on the couch. Then he watches a show or two, falls asleep on the couch, is rudely awakened when it’s time to get in bed, and finally falls asleep, just in time for his alarm to go off again. I seriously don’t know how he does it.



But I’m so glad he does.



I know he needs this trip as much, if not more than I do. I know he has earned it, me - not so much. So, this week I am going to bite my tongue when all my crazy worries fill my brain, I am going to try to take a sedative before the flight so I won’t panic and cry the entire time, and I will force myself to enjoy my time, our time.



Sure I feel selfish taking time away from the kids, but something I do know: it feels so good to miss them! It feels so good to wonder what they are doing, it feels so good to be sitting over a long and relaxing dinner and end up talking about our kids.



It feels good to WANT to be home.



So if you need a break, take one. Don’t feel guilty or afraid, whatever is going to happen…is gonna happen. But if we don’t take care of ourselves and our relationships, they’ll burn out. I know that for Dave and I, our relationship has to be number one, as much as I know I’ll get grief for saying it, the kids sometimes have to come second, because if mama and dada aren’t happy, then no one is happy. Even if it is one night away, just locally, take it, if the opportunity comes - seize it! In the long run, your kids will be happy you did, your kids will be happy you valued yourself and your relationships. It may take years for this to happen, but one day they’ll be thankful that their mother isn’t insane.



I can happily say my children's Easter candy has survived another day, no guarantees for tomorrow though.

The night I met my husband C.J., I knew he was "The One." I was supposed to go buy a plane ticket for Buenos Aires the very next day and had to tell the friend I was moving there with that I couldn't because I had met my husband. Mind you I had barely talked to the man... seriously I think I may have muttered one sentence... but I knew.  So, after stalking him (but still not talking to him) for three months he finally asked me out. We dated for three months before he proposed and we got married three months after that. We were so incredibly in love.



That was 10 years ago... We were married for 5 years before we had kids. We camped and hiked, we volunteered and traveled. One time we drove to Baja on a whim, just because we could. It's weird though because I don't really remember life before kids... it's kind of like a dream that only seems vaguely familiar. Now our idea of crazy is staying awake through an entire episode of Parenthood on Tuesday nights.



C.J. and I have just come through the biggest test of our marriage... kids being diagnosed with autism, changing cities, changing jobs... losing our life savings to the housing crash... a second miscarriage...  I would like to say we've made it through without any cuts or bruises... I would like to say that lovin' feelin' has never wavered... but it wouldn't be the truth. We did make it and our love is solid, there's no doubt about that, it's just been a long time since it's been light and fun and exciting like it used to be. I know we're not alone in this... I know we're not the only couple who has been taken over by life, and chaos and drama and forgotten how to put each other first along the way.



Right before the new year we sat down and decided to map out our marriage with goals and timelines and plans... yes, we are the biggest dorks alive. We knew it was important to decide what we wanted our relationship to look like, instead of continuing to just survive ... letting life dictate the state of things. We started praying together again, we reinstated date night (thanks to my precious mama for watching the monkeys) and agreed to give each other the G-word (no it's not a dirty sex thing, get your mind out of the gutter)... I'm talking about GRACE... which can, consequently, lead to a dirty sex thing because when you spend less time fighting there is a lot more time to do "other" things:) ahahahaha!



I don't know if things will ever be as easy and light hearted as they were when we first got married... and I don't know if I want them to be. We've been though so much, and our love runs so deep. We've seen God do miraculous things and we've been through heart breaking season's together... I think  the best we can do for each other is keep trying, and never give up on making each other a priority... even when the dog pukes on the carpet, and the kids are crying and crawling up my legs... when the phone won't stop ringing and one of the boys has squirted out an entire tube of toothpaste...when we can't even finish a sentence without being interrupted by "excuse me, I just burped three times and it was really funny." We need to let each other know that we are valued and important... I think that's enough for me. Too many marriages end when the light hearted good times end... and even though it's different now, I know what's still to come will only make our love better and richer and stronger.



What does this have to do with Eat. Pray. Love??? I have no clue... I just like the title:) I never saw the movie or read the book...  but I like to eat and a good marriage takes lots of prayer and love right?:)



Today, in the midst of working, wiping butts and doing the dishes I'm going to remember that in the beginning there was just us... I chose him and he chose me... Today I am going to do one thing... even if it's small to let him know that he's my priority... like he used to be.