My dream as a child was to travel the world, possibly join the Peace Corp, and ultimately write for National Geographic. It definitely wasn’t to chase kids around all day, changing diapers, doing dishes, cleaning up dog vomit and then the laundry…how the hell is there so much laundry in this house? I wear the same jeans three days in a row, hey don’t judge, they fit the best after day two, I would go four, but with my kids, there could be any number of things stuck to them, so even three days is pushing it, anyhow where was I?



Oh yeah, okay so my dream…right, I always wanted to be a mom, I just didn’t realize how much work it is to be a parent! I kinda thought that being a parent would be easy and fun. I thought that babies were so precious and slept “like babies” (who ever thought of that saying, obviously never had children). I thought it would be like the commercials, or the movies. Oh cute baby, magically turns into cute toddler, yes there are terrible twos, but everyone laughs about those, and then they become little kids who you can explore with and have fun with and play board games with, then the teenage years, coming of age, high school football games, first loves, chasing boyfriends out of bedroom windows, then college, then weddings, then magically I would be old and have my whole family, four children, my wonderful husband, the great grandparents all sitting around the Thanksgiving table, smiling in awe as I (who am in this vision, amazingly beautiful BTW) bring out an enormous turkey and set it down on our lavishly long table.





The reality is kinda depressing, so I won’t go into it too much. Wait that can’t be right? It isn’t depressing it’s just… work. None of it is easy. Being woken up every two hours by a newborn is enough to make even the strongest men and women cry. Potty training a toddler, or trying not to KILL everyone who gives you parenting advice, that you NEVER ask for - is work. Just the day to day, waking, diaper, breakfast, cleaning hands, faces, tables, feet (really how did you get that on your foot??), play time, monitoring while trying to get any amount of housework done, trying to be successful as something other than a mother (yeah good luck), ending fights, cleaning spills, more diapers, more meals, more laundry, putting on a smile when the husband gets home… it goes on and on, and only a parent can truly understand. Only someone who has been in those dark moments in the middle of the night, while a colicky baby screams for hours and hours and there is nothing you can do to stop it will understand what I mean by… how did I get here?



Maybe it’s just that no one really sees the efforts of a parent until those efforts are not there. Think about it, who are the families on the news? Who make the headlines? It’s always when something goes wrong. For the rest of the parents out there, there is no pat on the back, no one really says, “hey you’re doing a really good job.” It’s only when we aren’t doing our jobs that people notice. Think about it, when you see a child misbehaving in a store, or a child who desperately needs a bath…do we ever really pay attention when the mom with the clean, cute well behaved kids, comes through the door?



It reminds me of a story I heard once, it was about this little town and the one water source in the town was a stream. At the source of the water was a man who maintained the stream, he cleaned it, made sure there were no impurities, he took care of it for everyone. However, one year a new mayor was elected and he decided that paying this man to maintain the stream was ridiculous. So he cut the job, because really how hard is it for a stream to stay clean? Well within a few months people began getting sick, the water became cloudy, it smelled and was undrinkable, no one really understood what had happened, except the one man who once was the keeper of the stream. He was unappreciated, no one knew what he did, when his job was on the line, people criticized him for how much he had been paid for “doing nothing.” And now they all paid the price for not understanding and not valuing his work.





So no, this wasn’t my dream. Are you kidding, I just mowed all the weeds around our house for the last 2 hours, to get a BREAK! But this is my job, raising kids, taking care of the house, instilling values, making sure the clothes are clean and that everyone is eating enough vegetables. Yup that’s my job. It’s not glamorous (I just had a talk with my five year old about where we put our boogers). But it’s my job.



I am a writer, but first and foremost I am a mom, whether that works with my deadlines or not (usually not). I try to be a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, a good member of society, a good pet owner…uhg so many responsibilities…but I have to remember that no matter what, right now, being a parent is my number one job. If I don’t do that then everything around me will fall apart too. I am responsible for the outcome of two little girls. Will they be successful adults, will they want to be smart and become contributing members of society? That is my job, and no one around me may understand the value of it, but I have to remember the value, because as soon as I forget, I can guarantee that all those people who didn’t see “what the big deal was” will be complaining about how my horrible parenting is! And then I’ll be blamed for the community falling apart. Okay so they might not be saying that, but it sure does feel like it when someone criticizes how you parent - doesn’t it.



We are all “the keeper of the stream.” It’s true, my kids…your kids…are the water, the lifeline, the future - of our communities. Raising them well, is something to be proud of. So no matter how much those long, never ending nights last, no matter how many diapers, or how many loads of laundry, I’ll try to remember that I’m making a difference. No one may ever say “thank you” for all of my hard work, in fact they probably won’t, and that’s why it’s even more important that I know I’m making a difference.



You are too by the way...has anyone told you today that you’re making a difference in the future of our society? Has anyone told you that you have a purpose? No?





Well you are. So thank you for changing the diapers, and cleaning the sink. Thank you for reading to your kids, thank you for kissing them goodnight…thank you for doing the hardest job you’ll ever love, wait that’s the Peace Corp – and I hear they let you sleep in the Peace Corp… SEE being a parent is even harder, and one day if you don’t already, you will love it.







Shauna... is a stay at home mom of two girls, she's the author of the "Waypoint" book series, and her personal blog"Breathe, Smile, Pray...Repeat." Her girls keep her on her toes, and have been the inspiration for many blog posts, here and on BSPR. She's just an ordinary mom trying to master the most natural job in the world.

Check out Shauna' sites:

www.waypointbookseries.com

www.breathesmileprayrepeat.blogspot.com

     My own kids must have had one of those sibling pow-wows (behind my back) and came to some kind of unanimous conclusion that they would never say one of my own (unoriginal) one liners: "Because I said so!". I used to have a picture hanging in my kitchen of a mother hen with a lot of babies under her wings and the caption read: "I'm the mommy that's why." They didn't give me grief over that one but evidently they really disliked 'because I said so.' Who knew?? I'm fairly sure when your little ones grow up they too will throw some of your mommy-isms back at you. I, for one, am hoping they do. :o)

 I wish I could end with the title... (hey don't agree with me here!!!)  but I must explain...



My daughter loves to draw.  She loves to paint, to trace, to color and anything that can be turned into artwork will be.  She is 5.  We all know that a five year old has limits in this area and that her artwork would probably not be admired by strangers, but it is admired by me.  When she makes a drawing, I have two choices...

One, I could say "oh honey, that's a good try, but that looks nothing like a dinosaur, and the colors are really not quite correct, and why would you put hearts in the sky??  There are not hearts in the sky ever.

Or option 2 would go something more like this...Oh honey, that is beautiful!  That looks like the happiest dinosaur in the world, and he is so lucky to be pink and purple!!  And he is so full of love, that he puts hearts in the sky!!!  I LOVE IT!!!!

Now, the first would be a better description of what is really going on, but what would that do to her desire to create if I said those words???



Let me give you another example...

My two year old boy LOVES to sing and "play the guitar".  He does a great job, but it goes without saying that he is not always in tune, and his guitar playing resembles that of a donkey stuck in a barbed wire fence. (not that I have heard that personally, but I can't imagine it would sound very good..) Once again, I have two options...

I could say, Baby, you don't sound quite like the people singing the song,  they said "mama called the doctor and the doctor said...NOT mama doll the dada nadad dad daid....and when you play the guitar, it hurts my ears.

OR I could say, Baby, mama looooooves it when you sing (and break into a crazy dance) it blesses my heart!  You sound like an angel!  And your guitar sounds just like daddies!  Good job pumpkin!!!

Once again, the first would be more true...



But what would it do to my kids spirits if I pointed out every fault, or everything they could do better???  It would deflate them.  They would give up!  My sweet girl would stop drawing, and my baby boy would stop singing!!! (oh that breaks my heart!)

We have soooo much control of how inspired or broken our kids become!!!!



Here is another way to put it...

If I talk over and over about how "shy" my child is, she will be shy!

If I tell my boy all day long what a "bad boy" he is, he will be bad!

And seriously, If I ever hear any parent call their child "stupid" I will go ape all over them!!!

Oh and just a side note...you that are married, If you tell your husband what a lazy, selfish, unloving  jerk he is, guess what he will be???(just saying!!!)

If we say you're NOT good at math, or soccer, or driving, or talking....guess what they will NOT be good at???



In contrast to that..

If I tell my daughter that she is the best big sissy in the world, she hugs her brother when he cries, helps him when he falls down, and "teaches" him how to read! (this often happens in my house!)

When my son hears over and over that it is important to be gentle to girls and be respectful to them...imagine the type of man he will be.

If we say your an amazing singer, a beautiful dancer, such a great communicator, and I love how you are respectful to everyone you are around...they will rise to the standards that we set for them! 



I think it goes without saying that we want our kids to be successful adults (and I'm not talking money here) so treat them like successful children.  Does criticism or brutal honesty motivate any of us?  I think not.  I want to use my words and attitude to build up my children!!!



So here is a little challenge for all of us today.  Lets be mindful of every word that we say to our kids today...I am committed to only use my words to encourage, lift them up and bring joy!



Glad you're here today, and hoping you will "share" us with your friends!!!

Our guest contributor Delores, has been a single mom of 8 kids since 1998, when her marriage of 22 years ended. Since that time, she has completed a Masters in Early Intervention/Early Childhood Special Education and began working with Child Development Services in Medford, Oregon in September of 2000. Her message is one of optimism, hope, and tenacity. She tries to be easy on herself, and not take things too seriously, and so humor is the vehicle she rides every day through life. She is currently working on planning the "Next Best Thing" in her life.... hoping to develop her own blog and pursue professional speaking.



So, you ask, exactly what branch of the service or other line of work requiring a uniform is your son involved with? "Aha", says me, 'there's the rub". You see, the uniform is the term my son's siblings and I have affectionately given to the series of T-shirts and jeans he chooses to wear until the clothing is literally WORN OUT. I mean, TOTALLY... no butt remaining in the jeans, no knees, a plethora of holes, and t-shirts which have deteriorated to the point where they are actually rags of cloth held together by neck binding and side seams.



Noah is my 19 year old who experiences Down Syndrome and Autism. For those of you familiar with either challenge, you can certainly appreciate this scenario. The bottom line with Noah is that he is clear about what he likes, and doesn't like. He also loves the familiar.... especially his favorite shirt and jeans. He will make a choice about what he wants to wear, and will want to wear it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Oi Vey !!!!!!! (or Ai Yi Yi, or Holy Crap !!!) I have to be honest here and confess that this used to drive me CRAZY. I have had to sneak the clothing away while he was in the tub in order to get it into the washing machine... he has even picked through the clothes hamper to get his uniform out before I've been able to wash it.... he has also pulled it out of the dryer before it was dry. YIKES !!!



So, what's my point? Well, I'm getting to that. One day I just had enough of the uniform and simply had to figure out a better way. My choice was to become very creative and flexible and approach this situation a little differently. I mean, it was getting pretty bad... I refused to let him out of the house in "THE UNIFORM", and he planted his feet and refused to take it off. This battle was raging out of control and something had to change. I decided to resort to bribery, and more importantly, change my approach. I appealed to Noah's love of Diet Coke and his status as a then 16 year old DUDE. I attempted to reason with him by cutting a deal, which went like this. "So listen up, Noah. You can wear your Uniform anytime you are home, but when you leave the house for ANY reason, you have to change into "COOL DUDE CLOTHES". If you cooperate and make this good choice, you will receive a Diet Coke. Whaddaya think about that?????" Fortunately, he really liked this plan, and believe it or not we NEVER have any more fights about what he will wear when leaving the house. And I make sure that I never forget to buy the Diet Coke.



But wait, it gets even better than that!!!!! One day not too long ago, the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the unfathomable happened. Noah walked up to me, uniform jeans in hand, full of holes, threadbare, strings hanging at the ankles..... held them up to me and asked for NEW JEANS !!!! "WHAT????", I yelled in astonishment..... "You want to go shopping for new jeans? Quick, put your shoes on, Dude.... we're goin' to TJ Max !".. This was HUGE. This was a FIRST. Noah made the choice, on his own, to change, to grow, to break out. I was thrilled beyond thrilled because this was not MY idea. But on his own terms, in his own time, Noah made a huge forward leap... and growth happened. I was so proud of him.



Ok, ok, here's my point. I called this little rant "Choices, Choices, Choices" because I can. But also because life is full of choices every single day. We can choose to fight the same battles in the same ways and end up with the same results (by the way, this is the definition of insanity...been there, done that), or we can choose to adjust, change our battle plan and experience a better outcome. Growth happens when we choose to actively participate in life. I chose to address my frustration over the uniform fiasco by appealing to my son's love of Diet Coke (sneaky) and his appreciation for being a "Cool Dude". I learned something about him, but mostly about myself.... that I needed to chill out and find a way to make peace with the uniform in a mutually beneficial way. WHEW ! Sure am glad it worked out, cuz I was hating that battle. I also learned that Noah could come to a good decision on his own if given the right encouragement. I am so impressed with him.



You guys have opportunities to make choices about how to do things with your children every single day. The possibilities are dizzying !!!! But the best part is that you even get to have a choice to make. Think of it... you ALWAYS have a choice.... that should help you feel so empowered. It certainly helps me to know this. I like being the one to have that much control in my life. During the crumb gobbling growing up years of my 8 monkeys, I didn't always realize I had so much power. As a result, I would feel discouraged, frustrated, out numbered, unappreciated, exhausted.... well, not all the time, and not every day, but hopefully you get my point. It was HARD !!! But, I did start to learn that I could feel differently just by choosing to work on my attitude, looking for the good in little things, and taking the time to smell the roses (not just the poopy diapers). You are all doing a GREAT job... keep up the good work. And remember, your days can be brighter, funnier, more fulfilling, and lots more just as a result of your choices; and don't forget that Noah got new jeans, 'cuz he made a choice.



Are you an Earth Monkeys' Friend yet on facebook? The giveaway today is posted there... so you have to be a friend to win... I know we're sneaky that way huh??:)

     Well it has happened once again...my sweet motivated, brainy friend has dragged me into another challenge.  I try to steer clear of her brilliant ideas, schemes and "learning programs" but somehow, she is contagious.  I used to think that I was motivated until Lindsay and her energy made me come face to face with my complacency.  I'm realizing that I was ok with status quo...and uh, this is not necessarily a good thing.   Apparently she wants to be in business with a partner that thinks big, dreams big oh and writes big checks (but thats another story).



     Lindsay is forcing me to read..I am reading this great book upon her recommendation, and I'm actually enjoying what I am learning.  Before I say more, I have to tell you how I read.  I look at all of the chapter titles and then skip around to the ones that I think are the most interesting (don't tell her that).  So in this book titled "mentored by a millionaire" and I skipped to chapter 2 where he has a personality profile "test" to take and then he explains what all of the different personalities mean.  I thought this looked like the only fun part in the book...anyway...If anyone is wondering, I am dominantly "golden retriever" with a subdominant type of "lion".  To put it simply I am a sweet easy going door mat that will jump up and bite your head off if you ask me too many questions, I will always put your needs first, unless my patience has worn out then I will demand that you organize your cupboards and while I listen to you complain, but I will respond with encouraging words.  Wow, I am seriously neurotic!!!

     So when I first started thinking about all of this "personality stuff", I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and REALLY think about it.

     Of course for me, that means dragging my husband into it as a guinea pig and then helping him to learn.   (by this I mean telling him all the ways that he is wrong and I am right).  But for real, what is hitting me all of a sudden, is that we are all different.  WOW you say, big revelation!!  Maybe this is not earth shattering to you, but for me, it kind of is...



 We are all different, not wrong, not right, just different.



We should all be able to read that a couple of times, and I should end here, but the Lion in me just cant do it...Sorry.

     I like to be right.  (again that pesky Lion!) I have a hard time admitting that I am wrong (big surprise to my husband...the analytical Beaver!) This is not a great trait!!  I don't like to talk on the phone, I don't like a lot of information.  I like to make a decision and be done. I sound like a real ?&*#% hu?  But you know what??  I am crazy compassionate, I will have your back no matter what.  I would give anything up for my family, and I would do anything for a friend.  I take on your grief, and your sorrow, and I would give you the shirt off my back, and the biggest check I can write along with it!!  Am I redeemed yet???

     So I guess what this all means is that we all have great weaknesses, and even greater strengths, it is all in how we use them....and...those around us have different strengths and weaknesses, and we should appreciate them!  And really, thank goodness for this fact!   How ridiculously boring would this world be if we were all the same.   How cool would it be if we all could encourage each other instead of being so judgmental and self serving.  I want to lean on my husband for his strength where I am weak, and give Lindsay control when I don't know what the heck I am doing!  Also, I am going to stop beating myself up for not having it all together.  I am designed to be a certain way and I am beginning to understand me.  Cool.  Now, what I am not saying is stay the same...be who you are...HMMMM let me see if I can say this right...be WHO you are, but a gentler, softer version of you.  If you are a "go get em and kill everyone who gets in your way" type person, CHILL...if you are a door mat, TOUGHEN UP...if you are so worried about being liked  that you stifle your logic,  SPEAK OUT.  You get what I am saying??  Use your strengths in a productive way, and recognize your weaknesses and grow from them.  We need to back up off those around us, and I think our kids should be included in this.  Just because they do things differently, does not mean they are wrong.  Lets all understand and appreciate one another instead of thinking we are right and everyone else is wrong...or is that just me???



What are your greatest strengths, and obvious weaknesses???  We want to know!!!



And please share us with your friends...unless they are perfect, we just wont be cool enough for them!

Oh what a lovely night...I just got both kids down (in their own beds...miracle) and I'm sitting here in the silence (except for the t.v., the drier, and the dishwasher) just me (and the dog, and the husband) typing.   O.K. so it's only a little glamorous.  The beautiful part is the shimmery Christmas tree beside me, not to mention the chuga chuga choo choo train (named by my 2 year old) lying in pieces underneath the for-mentioned shimmery Christmas tree.   None the less, it's pretty.  What makes it even better is that I can gaze at it through my peripheral vision (fancy word), (O.K. I'll stop using parenthesis now, I know its annoying!!!) and completely ignore the massive pile of boxes, stockings, wreathes, lights, snowmen, and other decor behind me...you get the picture right?  You see, my decorating has just begun...2 days ago!  I have had time to accomplish nothing other than the tree and the mess!  I am not complaining.  I love Christmas and all most of what it brings, but sometimes, it's all just a bit too much.  Here are just a few things I am trying to accomplish (along with my normal job, kids, house, company, volunteer work, nose and butt wiping, driving, etc, etc, etc...)

I did not wrap this!

Christmas cards

Decorating

Baking

Christmas parties

This is NOT my house!

Shopping (No I was NOT out there with you crazies on black friday, or I guess it's thursday now!)

Wrapping presents like Martha

Making the perfect Christmas CD

Lights outside that could rival Clark Griswold!

Lights inside

  putting out Christmas dishes...and on, and on...

I know that a lot of you could fill in about a dozen more things you are wanting to do in the next month, but here is my thought for all of us.  First of all if you love the chaos, you go girl, but if you are like me and you don't, I think you will appreciate the words that our pastor gave us today.

He said (I may not be getting this exactly right but here goes)



"I want to make MORE of Christmas, by making LESS of Christmas".



Read that again...

"I want to make MORE of Christmas, by making LESS of Christmas".



I LOVE THIS!!!!  Because I love Christmas, I am going to make LESS of it this year.  What I love, is that for every one of us that chooses to do this, it will mean something different.  For me, here is what it means.



I will not buy every toy that my kids say they need.

I will not make my own bows for each package.

I will not bake.  Nope not even once!  I hate baking people, and I'm the only one that will eat it any way!

I will not host a party, or shop for a new outfit for any that I go to.

I will not care if I don't get wreaths put up just so, or if the stupid train spends more time on the floor than it does on the track.









And I will go back to what Christmas means to me and my family.  We will celebrate Jesus birthday.  We will remember why celebrate, and focus on the magnitude of what He did for us.







So thats it.  Simple.  I am making more of Christmas this year by making less of Christmas this year!





MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!