I'm 31 years old, I'm 5'7 and I weigh 160 lbs.... and I'm ok with that! GASP! Yeah I said it... after years of dieting and hating myself and my body I have decided that I am fine the way I am...... O lord what's the world coming to??? According to the charts my ideal weight is 138.5...  but let me fill you in on a little secret... mama's NEVER going to weigh 138 point flippen 5.



What's gotten into me you ask? Why am I bucking the system and giving up on every woman's dream of outward perfection??? Honestly because I'm tired. I've been on a diet since I was six(minus my three pregnancies when I gained 55+ pounds and ate everything but the kitchen sink... my butt actually made a shelf, no joke)... and I'm tired. I'm tired of letting the number on the scale determine my value in life. And I finally decided enough is enough.



I have always struggled with feeling "good enough"... at anything really. All through my teen years I battled depression and a myriad of eating disorders in my quest to feel loved and accepted. It wasn't until I worked in an inner city soup kitchen for children in Santiago, Chile, that I realized the ugliness of making myself throw up when there were precious little ones grateful for the one meal they a day they received from the church I was working for. I never made myself throw up again after that... even when my weight soared past the 200 mark.



Three weeks ago, right smack dab in the middle of the first week of a new "program" I had started I was enjoying a gluttonous meal of alfredo sauce and breadsticks at Olive Garden for a cheat meal. I was shoving my face full of whatever was put in front of me even though it had become painful to eat... (only hardcore dieters will be able to identify with the dangerous eating frenzy that accompanies a "free meal") Anyway, I stopped and thought this is ridiculous and I don't want to do it anymore. I was tired of the on-again-off-again relationship with food I had created. I was sick of the disfunction and for some strange reason for the very first time in my life I felt OK with myself. Who knew such revelation could come to me in a booth at Olive Garden at 10 o'clock at night. The feeling was so strong I had to tell my husband... I blurted out with tears streaming (and Alfredo sauce dripping off my chin I'm sure:))... "Babe, I hope this is OK with you...(long pause while I mustered the courage to tell him)... I feel like for the first time in my life I'm OK with who I am and what I look like... I know I'm still a good 20+ pounds overweight, my stomach is just YUCK after three kids and cellulite could be my middle name... but I just feel like I am enough... and I hope that's ok." I cringed as I waited for his response and cried even harder when he told me he had never been more proud of me.



It took me another week and a half to process this and convince myself that it's ok to like myself and just be fine with my body how it is right now. When I got the courage to tell my mom and some friends how I felt... it was really freeing... like a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my chest. It still makes me cry. It's still an active decision to choose to be OK with myself EVERYDAY...  I have to turn away from the TV and magazine ads most of the time because I start comparing myself and questioning my new found resolve. Even the picture I used at the top of the post was hard for me to post... the firs thing I looked at was the size of my legs... I hate used to hate my legs... but I had to remind myself that this is me... this is who God made me to be... I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"... and I'm OK with that....



Today I hope you can look at yourself and realize that you are beautiful... today, right now, just the way you are... YOU ARE ENOUGH!