Showing posts with label fake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fake. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I only paint the toes that show…

I only paint the toes that show on any given day. From a distance it looks like I have a decent pedi going … and I do mean a distance. But if you look up close you would see about 17 layers of gunky, chipped “You don’t know Jacques” OPI nail polish on my toes. My big toe on my left foot is still swollen and throbbing from an unfortunate forking (which is why forks don’t belong on the floor FYI) and the calluses on my heals…well it’s just not proper to talk about them in mixed company. 

Anyway, why am I going on about my disgusting man feet??? Because I think they kind of represent who I am in life…(stay with me now girls.) So much of what I do and how I portray myself is so others will think that I have it together…not ALL together because that would be annoying…but just together. What I want you to see is that I have three crazy boys … two with special needs… and although we have been faced with many challenges… I am strong and I am easy going and I know what I’m doing. That’s what I want you to see, and that’s probably what it looks like from a distance. But when you get even remotely close enough you will see that many days I am just broken…that I use humor to put myself down to guard against your judgement… and that I have no clue what I’m doing most of the time or how to be a good mom to such complex boys. 
I’m sick of pretending to be someone I’m not. Guess what I’m a horrible house keeper…not just because my kids destroy everything…but because I hate to clean. If you come to my house without any notice, my house WILL NOT be clean…EVER. I will never be a gentle soft spoken mom who plays games and does crafts all day with my kids…that’s just not me. But what I am trying to come to grips with is that who God made me … is enough. I am enough… and you are too.
So today, before you post on facebook that you just ran 5 miles, cleaned your house and listened to your 3-year-old recite the encyclopedia…think about what you’re writing…ask yourself if you’re being you or someone you created in your head. Because until we are ready to be real and sometimes even vulnerable…we can never be in true community with other moms. How can we be there for each other if we don’t really know each other? 
P.S. Making ourselves look like we have it ALL together is really just friggen annoying anyway … hearing that your perfect child is Einstein or that you are June Cleaver makes it harder for me to like you…not the opposite (woops was that too honest…somebody put a filter on me:)