I feel like most days I spend that majority of my time cleaning up after the tirades of a two year old.  My vocabulary often feels limited to "don't put your pee pee on the dog...boogers go on tissues not in your mouth...and you can't eat off of the ground!'  Chaos feels like a permanent resident here; but it wasn't until last week that I actually experienced that mortifying, everyone is staring at me, I'm "that" parent, moment.



     Our day started innocently enough at music class when my dude took a vacation from reality.  He became the kid that everyone looks at and either says "thank God he is not mine, or that parent should not be allowed to have children".  Let me just preface this by saying that even though he can be out of control at times, I can almost always distract him, or figure out some kind of a discipline to snap him into reality.  But not today.  He was charging into closets, out doors and doing exactly the opposite of every activity we were supposed to be doing.  He was laughing hysterically at himself as he pulled my hair, climbed on everything (climbable or not) all the while getting the attention of every adult (and not in a good way!).  We managed to survive music class and I apparently lapsed into a total state of bad judgement when I attempted the post office!  (Earth Monkey products had to be mailed rain or shine, sweet or psycho toddler!)  About 15 seconds into the door, it started down hill fast...

I have managed to burry a lot of the details but for the sake of my final point, I will relive them now...



1 time pulling cards from the display

2 times throwing his dinosaur at the oh so patient man who worked there

3 laps around the counter that forms the line

4 rolls on the ground (under said counter)

5 bolts to the door (only one time trapped by a nice woman!)

6 head throws backwards as I trapped held him in my arms

7 items on the counter that had to be moved as I waited to mail our products

8 screams of delight at his insanity

9 beads of sweat on my brow

10 sets of eyes staring



     Maybe that does not sound too insane, but it is all I can relive.  The rest is just too painful.

Oh ya..one more thing..my dad all the years of my life (even now) has said to me, "think about what you say before you say it".  Well, that advice escaped me that day because as I carried him back to the counter after the 5th escape attempt, a woman commented (I think trying to make me feel better) "wow, he is fast"..to that I jokingly replied "ya, we call him birth control".  This is the point where I wish my dads advice would have been at the forefront of my mind because the other 10 customers, well lets just say that not one of them got the joke!  At this point,  I finished my business, buried my  head; or should I say my son had my eyes covered with my own hair and his hands; and I left.



     You ready for the moral to the story?  This is what I learned that day...one, best friends that can relate to this totally rock...and two, people that know lots of things are my super heros.  Did you know that red dye in our foods are directly related to ADHD????  I didn't, but now I do.  We eat super clean around here so we don't come into contact with much overly processed food, but the night before we had pink cupcakes at a birthday party, and the next morning, my son check out of reality.   So heres the deal, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but for me its just one more thing that we all need to know about.  There are so many dangers in the things we eat and this is just one.  So I challenge you to check all the processed food in your pantries and get rid of anything with red dye in it.  ESPECIALLY if you have a child who struggles with "post office type behavior", or a child that your sure might make you loose your mind.  Then do some research.  Don't take my word for it...just educate yourself!!!

     I have this super cool wall in my house that I painted with chalkboard paint.  It is either filled up announcing a birthday, holiday, special event deep thought or a scripture.  It is almost always covered partially in kids drawings, and currently it has a scripture on it from Colossians 3, that reads...(an abbreviation from the original text..)

Put aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech from your mouth!

Lay aside: the old, evil self= put on the new self!  Be renewed!!!



     This verse has been there for a month or so and was originally put up by me when I was just being short and nasty to my sweet husband for no real reason.  I needed that reminder to stop being ugly with my words and attitude!  Now...for even more honesty!

  

     I had been husbandless for a couple of days; just a side note: hats off to you mamas doing this solo!  You are heroes!  Can I just add another side note before I continue without this whole thing feeling like one big side note??  I love my family and my children with so much passion it hurts my innermost being.  They are a part of me, even though they are not from my body.  My arms ache for them, and I am only complete because of them.  That being said...

     I had been husbandless for a couple of days when mama "snapped".  I won't give all the reasons why my snap felt justified, but it happened after many days of arguing, whining, crying, and straight up irritation.  I took the kids to bed and they started arguing about who wanted me to "tuggle" them first.  I know it sounds silly, but it was like the straw that broke the camels back...I just couldn't handle it!  I got up and said "I don't want to snuggle anyone, I just want to be alone" and I walked out.  Thats when it hit me, like a punch in the face, I walked right toward the wall.  I knew right at that moment that the verse, was still there for me; but this time, it was about my attitude toward my kids.

     You see, I have been justifying my shortness, my irritation and my bad attitude by saying "I have a crazy frustrating terrible 2 year old boy, and an only slightly less frustrating 6 year old girl".  But is that a good justification? or is it that  I have let my attitude go to a really ugly place?   As I stood and stared at the verse, I realized that I had to start right at the moment to do exactly what I had resolved to do toward my husband..to put aside anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech.  To lay aside the old, evil self and put on the new self.  Be renewed.

     For me though, this is not a one time commitment to myself.  This is an ongoing, moment by moment choice to put on the new self.    I don't have a 12 step plan to follow, I don't have a contract to sign or a long speech to make.  Just a simple story on how the only way I can change my attitude, is to allow my heart to be renewed.  For me, this involves praying for change and allowing my heart to be softened and for my ugly self to be renewed to a soft, and patient mommy for my kids.  They deserve it.  

     This is not a lecture for anyone today, or even a "how to" post, but a simple dose of honesty that is hard to admit to, but necessary for my growth.  I know it's hard to raise kids...it's easier to be at work all day (I know, I do it both!)  but it is my most important job I will ever do.  I will never be perfect at it, but I will put aside my anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech, I will put on a new self.  For me and my family;



     I turned away from the wall, walked back into my kids room, apologized, snuggled first with my baby girl, then climbed in bed with my little walking hunk of frustration.  Through half closed eyes he whispered to me "I love you sooo much..." as they closed the rest of the way he finished with "we have a family".

All I could do was cry.

Thank you God, for these little miracles that I in no way deserve.  Thank you for giving me renewed patience, and thank you for renewing my heart.

Sugarpie Cosmetics... A lovely tube of lipgloss

Eco Chic Hand Knits... Organic cotton face scrubbies

T-Aroma... $20 gift certificate for yummy bath goodies

Eco Glo Minerals... full size jar of shimmer eye shadow 

Dabrowski Designs... amazing custom bling hat

Earth Monkeys... Green on-the-go baby gear {bib, changing pad, paci-pack}

Vivo candles...a delicious soy/coconut candle

Irma Gusman Jewelery...a gorgeous handmade necklace and earring set 

Oops Sheet...your choice of a mattress protecting sheet

My babies green...you must check out all of their awesome things!

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Babe, do you want me to help???

  

     This is a question I never thought that I would have to ask my husband.  Not when it came to us getting pregnant anyway....

Oh what a journey it was; trying to start a family... tests, turkey basters, adoptions falling through, and countless broken hearts!



     I remember the morning like it was yesterday.  It was "the day"!  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and I was OVULATING!!!  It was our  first try at artificial insemination and my sweet husband (oh he is going to kill me for this one!) had to "do his part".  I'm sure a lot of men would love having to do this, but not my modest man...he wont even say words like "fart, diarrhea, or gas" so for him "collecting sperm" was not at the top of his to do list that day!  I offered to help, but it was either out of embarrassment, or the fact that he got to act like a teenager again (tmi?) that he hung his head and went into the other room to do his business by himself.  I wont go into much more detail here, but lets just say he darted out the door with a glass jar full of his little swimmers, in a triple wrapped paper bag with masking tape locking it shut, tucked under his armpit to keep them warm.  I'm not sure if all the extra wrapping was out of embarrassment or because he thought they might try to escape?  Anyway...

  

     Apparently, the embarrassment only got worse when he entered the lab and was greeted by a very attractive lab tech, who asked if she could help him.  According to him, he said no thanks, and sat down to wait around for a slightly homelier tech that he wouldn't mind handing the glass jar of his goods to!  Oh how I would have liked to have been there for that one!

  

     I ceased to feel sorry for him though when a couple hours later it was my turn.  I guess in the lab, they do some fancy schmancy separating of the sperm and get the good ones...the nurse was especially excited about the one with the 2 tails or something crazy like that!  She was pretty sure, as I laid there spread eagle with a turkey baster up my Hoo Hoo that that one was going to be the one make it to the prize!  Guess she was wrong...



     After 3 tries, I had had enough.  Every month before and after the Dr. trying to "help", it was the same thing.  I'd start "my special girl time" (thats what we call it around here) the tears would break loose, and my heart would do the same.  I would cry to God, or more accurately, to my shame yell at him at the total unfairness that a 16 year old drug user could conceive, but me this perfect person (um ya right) could not!  Honestly, there were a good many times, I am surprised lightening didn't blast down onto my head as I sat there on my toilet cursing God!  Oh man how I wish I didn't have to admit to this!



     My journey is one that I could tell an entirely too long of a story about, this is just a tiny fraction of it, and if you have been there, you know words could never fully capture the true struggle.



     I am more excited to tell you about the two children that we did end up with through adoption.  Their stories are ones of miracles and blessings, pain and tears.  I will tell them as best as I can someday...but today I just wanted to throw this part out there to all of you who have struggled with infertility, or do currently.  It is hard. One of the hardest things I have ever been through.  I will not be giving advice, or trying to make it all better; I don't think thats even possible.  I just want you all to know that there are a bunch of us out there and we need each other.  I wish that I could have had someone who truly understood what I was going through!  If you know someone on this journey, just listen.  Don't try to give great advice...it doesn't work.  If you are going through it, I send you a hug that would maybe be tight enough to squeeze out a bit of your hurt!



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We are excited to announce that we will now gift wrap and direct ship your Earth Monkey treasures to your favorite mama to be (or mama is)!!!  To celebrate, this week we are offering free gift wrapping!!!  One week only, so don't wait!