"Autism is our forth child" has been our mantra since our third son Crew was born. With two special needs kids we knew the dream of having 4 kids would have to die as we poured our life, love and energy into therapy for Sawyer and Thatcher and learn how to live with three very high maintenance boys. But now that they are getting older and doing phenomenally well... that sneaky little yearning for another baby has popped up and slapped me across the face.



Some of you probably know (because I plastered it all over facebook) that I got pregnant this past September. It was an accident, but I was so incredibly excited. Family and friends who heard the news... not so much. They knew my plate was full, and I think some were even a little frustrated with us for being "irresponsible". I didn't care though, even knowing how miserable my pregnancies are, knowing that bed rest and big blistery grossness could take over my body at any time (seriously that's how bad my pregnancies are) knowing I was prolonging the years of lack of sleep and sure to pack on another 60 pounds (cause that's how I roll) I was still so excited.  I had geared up for the crazy and was ready for another big eyed, chubby poop factory!! I lost the pregnancy in October and while I had to pretend to be fine and relieved (because it really wasn't an ideal situation), I was pretty heartbroken. It wasn't my first miscarriage, and the last one was a lot farther along and about 100 x's more complicated... so I felt like I had to just shrug it off... we'd been though this before, it was no big deal... only it kind of was to me.



Since then I haven't been able to shake the baby bug. I was ooing and ahhing over something cute and baby the other day and Gena said, "Shut-up, I'm going to punch you in the face." I should share Gena is smack dab in the middle of terrible two's with her little guys and has absolutely no desire for another one at this point. AND she's right ... she knows first hand the drama and all out pandemonium that goes on around here!! Anyway, everywhere I turn I see cute baby clothes... or someone is about to pop pregnant and I feel a tinge of jealousy...



A lot of you may be screaming at your computer right now wanting to remind me of past posts talking about the craziness and mayhem of my life and not even being able to go to the bathroom by myself. It's weird, even as I type my kids are going nuts and fighting and hitting... and I still want another one. My mom said she wanted another baby another my older sister got pregnant the first time, I don't know if I can't wait that long for these feelings to go away.

from joyfolie.com

The bottom line is, my husband doesn't even remotely feel the same way... so I'm pretty sure there is no hope of owning these spectacular little girl's boots. (you can stop hyperventilating now mom:) 





I'm just wondering why I feel this way and when these feeling will go away. Am I just being stubborn like usual and want one because no one in the world thinks I should continue to procreate??? Do I just really love little girls clothing and want to play dress up??? Or would a fourth child really complete our little family???



Are you done having kids??? If so how did you know AND if you are done do you ever question your decision... mama needs help.. or there may be a fourth baby picture to add to this set...