Photo by Tara Behnke

From the overwhelmingly beautiful moment when Ty, Paige, Ed, Jeff and Pauly (and the entire EM:HE crew) knocked on our door, to the emotionally surreal "reveal"... I feel like I have been asking God one question... Why us?

Some of you may be thinking ... didn't you just write a post about mommy "something" with a picture of you pretending to pick your nose... well yes, yes I did... ish... The last post was about the "MOMMY FUNK" aka "mommy's had enough and she's going to go all Thelma and Louise on you if you don't sit down and stop trying to bludgeon your brother with a golf club". (or is that just how I get my mommy funk on??) Anyway "MOMMY BRAIN" is much different.. and I'm sure you've all experienced it. It's more like the "I can't finish a thought or form words, I just want to go veg in front of real house wives with a bag of cheetos and a drink straight up on the rocks" state of mind.



Just in case you need a list... here are some (but not all) of the red flag indicators that you might be suffering from the all too common "MOMMY BRAIN"

1. You call someone and as soon as they pick up you a) forget who you are calling b) you space why you are calling in the first place or c) both a and b are true.


2. While driving a friend's son home that has lived by you for 6 years you end up almost on the other side of town before you remember that you forgot where you were going... (did you wonder what took us so long yesterday Em?)


3. You call one of your children by every other name including the dog's name before you can remember who you're talking to... for example, "Darn it, Sawyer, Thatcher, Sawyer, Finley... CREW!!! It's not OK to poop on the trampoline!"(again maybe that's just my house??)


4. When it's 2:15 and you wonder why you have so much free time, only to get a call from the bus driver that still has your child because you forgot to meet them at the bus stop. (don't worry Abber's I won't forget Matty today:)


5. You can't find your phone, the remote or monkey #3's pacifier until dinner when you are taking the chicken out of the freezer to thaw... 


6. You commit to, oh I don't know, your local "dancing with the stars" fundraiser even though your only claim to fame is writing about how much poop you have to deal with on a daily basis and your only dance experience comes after several glasses of wine at weddings... aye aye aye... seriously the girls in chile laughed at me for six months because they had never met anyone who actually could move their hips LESS than I could!! 


7. You don't notice that your kids left the slider open until you get home 3 hours later... causing you to have to chase not 1... not 2 ... but t3 large grey squirrels out of your house in one day.        

(Just a side note... I hate squirrels! A friend just told me she heard Sarah Jessica Parker calls them "rats in fancy clothes"... I need that stitched on a pillow! I should explain that squirrel #3 wasn't discovered until 11:30 last night and took us an hour to get out of our bedroom. It was full on Grizwald family pandemonium! At one point it got around a barrier we made out of a close hamper and a dresser drawer and it came straight at me... of course I screamed, almost peed and fell backwards into our tv shelf... I now bare the battle scars of an encounter with a Coker Butte squirrel. I HATE SQUIRRELS! -Rant Complete-)



Ok obviously these red flags might be specific to my days... but if you experience anything like it, you might in fact suffer from the dreaded mommy brain! Share your red flags here... help spread awareness about this scary disease! :):)

{Photo By: Maria Alexandra Photography}

What do you do when you realize the REAL you sucks??? We laugh and talk and cry a little here and there about being punched in the gut or slapped across the face with perspective... But have you ever been blind sided by a dump truck that ran you down and then backed up over you?? So much so that when the damage is done you look at who you are and what you've done and can't do anything but cry and be broken.... and eat.. seriously I need a T-shirt that says, "Help I'm eating and I can't stop!" The past 4 days I've eaten enough to feed a small country because I'm an emotional eater... those 4 pounds I lost when my throat hurt so bad I couldn't eat... well, they've found their way back and are now riding comfortably on my jiggly backside!!



I am a verbal vomiter... I am... I think it's genetic because my mom suffers from the same disease. I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, I think I'm being funny ...when I'm not and I think people always need to hear my passionate opinions... when they don't. And let me tell you, it's a hard road to recovery when you're a verbal vomiter. It's a road filled with apologies and broken pleas for forgiveness. Up until now I've never really seen the intense repercussions of being a "V.V."... up until now I've either had friends just tell me I'm full of crap or roll their eyes when they think I'm not looking and chalk it up to me being me.



I keep replaying recent events in my mind and wondering what it is that makes me act so foul sometimes... and what it is that keeps me from forgiving and being able to move on when I feel judged and hurt.



The hard part about being a "V.V." is when you're wrong... and then you put yourself out there to admit your immaturity and horribleness... when you plead with a broken heart after learning how much you offended a friend... and then you're rejected and further humiliated. The problem is you were the one who was wrong first so you don't get to whine and cry and say how hurt you are by the humiliation you feel... you just have to suck it up... you have to realize this is a consequence for your immature, thoughtless words... heart broken and emotionally empty, you have to chalk it up to the fact that the "real" you just sucks sometimes...



I stand up and preach that we all need to be "real"... that God loves us for who we are right now, ugliness and all... and that we should love, accept and have grace for one another too, and it's true... but what do you do when you realize there are large parts of the "real" you that just suck. That part of me... the part of me that really sucks... wants to say screw it all... I don't need this drama in my life, I have enough on my plate... I want to be who I am and not have to tip toe around people. BUT the big girl in me, the me that loves God with all that I am and knows what He says about grace and forgiveness for others and ourselves... says I have to do the right thing. I have to love and grow and repair damaged relationships. It's so difficult it hurts my core, I hate  the feeling of being humbled, judged, reprimanded,  and insulted... and I hate it even more when it's justified. But honestly, I'm stubborn and passionate and extremely hard headed so unfortunately things like this are almost the only way for me to see how desperately I need to grow.



For me, now all I can do is start chipping away at this ugly side of myself... Consciously try to verbally vomit on people less. To bite my tongue until it bleeds if I need to... to go back to the kitchen where it all started... humbled, humiliated, embarrassed and broken and start growing the parts of me that don't suck as much. In doing this I'll just have to hope and trust that grace and love can rule over everything... that forgiveness and peace can trump hurt feelings and stupid words.... that I can give my friends the benefit of the doubt and not act on what I think they're thinking... and that they will do the same for me. How many times will I have to pull these big girl panties up before I stop and think BEFORE I speak???



If you're brave enough share with us a time that you've had to be a big girl and pull up those panties and do the right thing... when you really didn't want to??

Jami... is a mom to teenaged quadruplets and wife to her best friend, her knight in dented armor. Her "almost 15" year old crew consists of one girly tomboy and 3 strapping young men, one who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 7th grade. With kids now in high school [the same school she and her hubby shared a locker in!], keeping up with everyone keeps her busy as a stay at home mom. Being "on call" for the lanky, bright, and fiesty son has kept her from rejoining the paid work force as of yet. Her passion for God/teens/sports is a perfect combination for her position as a Fellowship of Christian Athletes weekly Huddle Leader.

Some of last year's "trashy" bootcamp girls... this years pic is soon to be posted!

There's nothing quite like a trashy bootcamp on a warm summer morning to wake you up and sometimes make you wish that you were dead. Not trashy as in stripper poles in my back yard... (bwahahaha... sorry I just pictured that:)) I'm talking dodging the 17 kids, and piles of dog poop while we work out kind of "trashy". The, my kids pull down their pants and pee in the yard in front of everyone "trashy". The, I rarely brush my teeth and am usually wearing the clothes I worked out in yesterday because I haven't showered in three days "trashy". And I LOVE it!





For anyone who has ever read this blog you know that as the self proclaimed Anti-Martha, "DIY's" and "How To's" are not my thing... but I have to say our little "Trashy" bootcamp group has become one of my very favorite things about summer. Bringing women together from ages 16 to 65... laughing, talking, gagging, and sometimes even cursing whoever it was that invented stinking mountain climbers and burpees. I LOVE it all... I love seeing the kids play (and sometimes try to shank each other with broken sand toys), and I love seeing some my closest friends several times a week which would never happen otherwise.



While I could make a list of thousands of things I could never tell anyone how to do... today trashy bootcamp is not one of them... SO... are you ready??? are you sure??? Here's one of the only times you'll see me post a "HOW TO"here on EMM... I hope you can create something as meaningful and trashy as we've been able to do.... hehehe!



How To: MakeYour Own "Trashy Bootcamp"

• Pick Up The Dog Poop... really... just do it...


• Make sure you have lots of outside toys to keep the kids entertained ...then LOCK your stinken doors... it's never good when you realize little johnny's gone missing and is inside painting a mural with permanent marker down your hallway.


• Turn off the sprinklers that are programmed to come on in the middle of bear crawls.


• Make sure your friends know YOU'RE NOT A PRO and therefor not responsible for their weight loss, gain or pulled whoowhoo muscles... it's more like a play-date on crack with a purpose than a personal training session.


• Don't let it turn into a gab session... keep things moving and slighty organized so everyone has fun but feels it the next day... (I have to say I get enjoyment out of planning workouts I know they're going to be cursing me for the next day... the problem is I'm cursing me too... I'm kinda sick that way)


• Pick a Pro... find a workout dvd you like or a fitness app (I like Nike Training Club) and design your workouts around what they teach. You're more likely to do the exercises safety and effectively if you've seen them done and have done them before...


• Have Fun!! Don't roll your eyes at me... I HATE working out... and I don't work out most of the winter when we can't have bootcamp. There is seriously something awesome about working out with friends and sharing in the pain of finishing a workout when you normally would give up and go get a latte.

We hope this gives you a good laugh...if it does, please share us with your friends!  And please, leave your best advice (or really embarrassing story) in our comment box below, its not too late to help out a fellow EMM!



We wish you all a very safe and happy new year!!  Thank you all for a first great run...we look forward to a ton more fun!

NVAKATPGPMZE 

We have these HUGE floor to ceiling windows in the front of our house so if people come up unannounced they can see perfectly into my chaos... there is no hiding the unending trail of trucks and airplanes, dirty diapers and dishes that decorate my living and family rooms daily. So the other day, when I heard my dog bark unexpectedly, I flipped!! I ran to the front door and what did I see?? My wonderful husband AND an executive from the hospital where he works!!!! I almost puked... there was no hiding the mess that could only be compared to the aftermath of a hurricane... My husband got out of the car with a sheepish smile... I could see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead... waiting to see what my response would be... I did my best tap dancing routine and pretended I was ok as I formulated a plan to torture my husband. As they drove away I texted my husband this message: "I am going to shank you in your sleep!"... he was actually excited until he found out that "shank" is NOT a sexual innuendo, but a term for stabbing with a hand sharpened object.





Here are the do's and don'ts of making your house look cleaner than it really is...



#1 DO... Keep the lights as low as humanly possible.... harder to do in the day, but seriously, turning lights on only showcases fingerprints and dust and the mysterious goo that magically appears on the walls, tables and chairs.

#2 DON'T... Think that every room in your house has to be cleaned. Choose three rooms... for me its the kitchen, living room and 1 bathroom.  Then just keep your guests confined to those areas as best as possible... I'm not saying to whip out a WWF smack down if your friend wanders... but they don't need to have reign of the entire house.

#3 DO... Load all of your dishes in the dishwasher... then if there is no time left take dirty pots and pans and slide them into the oven... HOWEVER... don't forget to remove them before turning your oven on again... nothing embeds crusty food on your dishes faster  than actually baking it on... I speak from experience.

#4 DON'T... Shove your recyclables in the oven with your dishes.... because you will forget it's in there and you'll have big problems when you turn your oven on!! Again, sadly,  I speak from experience! :(

#5 DO... Light a candle to mask the stank... Oh, is that just my house??? 

#6 DON'T... Underestimate the power of a quick vacuum job.... we're talking quick... just enough to make the lines in the carpet... it will make your house look instantly put together.

#7 DO... Gather up all toys and throw in one toy box... your kids can sort them out later... and it's there mess anyway!!

#8 DON'T... Get in such a hurry you try to suck up annoying toy parts with the vacuum... they can get lodged and render your vacuum useless when you still have pizza crumbs and dirt clumps to vacuum up off of the couch... needless to say that may or may not be why mama needs a new vacuum:)

#9 DO... Start one load of laundry and shove the other 32 piles in laundry baskets.... if you have a few extra seconds you can even sort it and leave it on the floor of a room your guest will no be in... however whenever I do this my kids get stars in their eyes and aren't satisfied until they have jumped in and scattered every last pile...

#10 DON'T... Be shy about allowing friends and family to enter in to your chaos. It took me about 8 years to let Gena see what a slob I really am... (lucky her:)) and while she may not always enjoy coming to my health hazard of a home... it's really freeing to know she loves me anyway:):) I am who I am... I like a clean, organized house as much as anyone... but it's just not in my genetic code to keep it that way for some reason... and that's OK!



Hope this helps... PS if anyone shows this to my sweet, very tidy grandma we will have words... I'm not ready to let her see all that my chaos has to offer yet:):) ahahaha:)