Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Monday, February 7, 2011
If you can make infertility a bit funny...this is it! Just don't tell my hunky man!
Babe, do you want me to help???
This is a question I never thought that I would have to ask my husband. Not when it came to us getting pregnant anyway....
Oh what a journey it was; trying to start a family... tests, turkey basters, adoptions falling through, and countless broken hearts!
I remember the morning like it was yesterday. It was "the day"! The sun was shining, the birds were singing and I was OVULATING!!! It was our first try at artificial insemination and my sweet husband (oh he is going to kill me for this one!) had to "do his part". I'm sure a lot of men would love having to do this, but not my modest man...he wont even say words like "fart, diarrhea, or gas" so for him "collecting sperm" was not at the top of his to do list that day! I offered to help, but it was either out of embarrassment, or the fact that he got to act like a teenager again (tmi?) that he hung his head and went into the other room to do his business by himself. I wont go into much more detail here, but lets just say he darted out the door with a glass jar full of his little swimmers, in a triple wrapped paper bag with masking tape locking it shut, tucked under his armpit to keep them warm. I'm not sure if all the extra wrapping was out of embarrassment or because he thought they might try to escape? Anyway...
Apparently, the embarrassment only got worse when he entered the lab and was greeted by a very attractive lab tech, who asked if she could help him. According to him, he said no thanks, and sat down to wait around for a slightly homelier tech that he wouldn't mind handing the glass jar of his goods to! Oh how I would have liked to have been there for that one!
I ceased to feel sorry for him though when a couple hours later it was my turn. I guess in the lab, they do some fancy schmancy separating of the sperm and get the good ones...the nurse was especially excited about the one with the 2 tails or something crazy like that! She was pretty sure, as I laid there spread eagle with a turkey baster up my Hoo Hoo that that one was going to be the one make it to the prize! Guess she was wrong...
After 3 tries, I had had enough. Every month before and after the Dr. trying to "help", it was the same thing. I'd start "my special girl time" (thats what we call it around here) the tears would break loose, and my heart would do the same. I would cry to God, or more accurately, to my shame yell at him at the total unfairness that a 16 year old drug user could conceive, but me this perfect person (um ya right) could not! Honestly, there were a good many times, I am surprised lightening didn't blast down onto my head as I sat there on my toilet cursing God! Oh man how I wish I didn't have to admit to this!
My journey is one that I could tell an entirely too long of a story about, this is just a tiny fraction of it, and if you have been there, you know words could never fully capture the true struggle.
I am more excited to tell you about the two children that we did end up with through adoption. Their stories are ones of miracles and blessings, pain and tears. I will tell them as best as I can someday...but today I just wanted to throw this part out there to all of you who have struggled with infertility, or do currently. It is hard. One of the hardest things I have ever been through. I will not be giving advice, or trying to make it all better; I don't think thats even possible. I just want you all to know that there are a bunch of us out there and we need each other. I wish that I could have had someone who truly understood what I was going through! If you know someone on this journey, just listen. Don't try to give great advice...it doesn't work. If you are going through it, I send you a hug that would maybe be tight enough to squeeze out a bit of your hurt!
We would love for you to share us with anyone you think needs a good dose of mommy reality! Thanks for your support!
We are excited to announce that we will now gift wrap and direct ship your Earth Monkey treasures to your favorite mama to be (or mama is)!!! To celebrate, this week we are offering free gift wrapping!!! One week only, so don't wait!
Facebook Login Labels: adoption, challenges, family, getting pregnant, infertility, struggles
Monday, November 15, 2010
Firehoses are not for putting on the dog, and other little boy issues...
I don't know exactly when it happened, or how it happened, one day, it just did. I was changing my sons diaper when his little hand reached down and he found "it". His life has not been the same since. "It" has been appropriately named "fire hose", as in "Mommy, Hunter is putting his fire hose on the dog...Mommy, Hunter's fire hose is peeing off the deck...Mommy, Hunter is chasing me with his fire hose...you get the point! What I have realized is that boys and girls are different from birth, actually from conception. Did you know that in the womb, girls mouths move more than boys? Just a little piece of trivia. When my son started talking, it was either a "car" sound (of which my daughter still can't duplicate) or a very intentional word. Nothing wasted. Here is another one...why do boys have to kick EVERYTHING??? Seriously, he walks around kicking chairs, balls, walls, toys, sissy, the dog, and pretty much anything does not get out of the way of this permanently attached weapon! Nothing in his world is a gun (yet) but I am amazed that he can turn just about anything into a car. I first realized this when he started driving around a little gold sparkly barrette accompanied by a vroom, vroom sound. This is when I knew that the only people that think that we raise our boys to act like boys, and our girls to act like girls, never had one of each. They are different at a cellular level and that is that. My girl has never laughed at a fart (she even calls it a toot) or a burp! and my son...can't contain himself whenever he has the joy of letting one go (from either end!). Just for the record, we do not celebrate bodily functions around here or even react, but he can hardly contain himself!!! Oh, and just in case any of you are reading this that don't have a boy, know that your husbands obsession with hair and boobs, started when he was 1. REALLY. What is the deal??? For a while, I had to warn other women when they held him to guard their ta ta's because he would just dive into them! Keep in mind that my kids were not breast fed since they are adopted, so this is not a "food" issue, its a "boobie" (one of his favorite words) issue!
I'm gonna jump ship for a quick minute...I "work" one day a week. I call this my vacation day, because 12 hours doing hair is much easier than the same amount of time with my children. Anyway, on these days, I get to have real conversation with real adults and it feeds my soul. I am lucky to have some great people that I love and respect, and sometimes I even get some great advice from. A couple of weeks ago, a client that I adore was telling me a story and unbeknownst to her, it turned into some almost life changing (at least attitude changing) advice. We were talking about her grown son and his beautiful family when she made a comment that went something like this; "...I would give 5 million dollars to have my son be little and call me mommy again..." It didn't mean much to me until the next day when my son walked up to me, lifted up his arms, and asked me to "tuggle". My first reaction was just to say just a minute, but that is when it hit me... I looked into his huge brown eyes and saw a man. A man with his own life, and his own family. Not my little boy calling me mommy! It broke me (in a good way). I know there will be a day that I will want to give 5 million for my son to need me like he does now.
So my point is this...he is a boy, a crazy little boy!!! I may never fully get why he kicks everything, pees on anything, loves farts and only talks for a reason, but he is my boy that will be a man someday. I want to do my best to enjoy every moment of his littleness! (my little girl is included in this) It is hard to be a mommy, it is frustrating and demanding but some day my job at this level will be over. We are raising "men" and "women" but for now when they look at us with those big brown eyes...lets drop everything, because someday, we will be looking up into their eyes!
Please share us with your friends... and don't forget to keep voting for us by clicking on the"mommy blog award" link...we have fallen behind and we NEED you!!! We are in the adoption, special needs and Misc. categories and you can vote as many times as you want. Remember that one lucky facebook friend will get whatever we win! Go Earth Monkey Moms!
Facebook Login Labels: adoption, advice, enjoying kids, family
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Adopted dreams...My journey...
When I was a little girl, my dream consisted of the yellow house with the white picket fence, handsome husband and 2.5 kids. I would stay home and lovingly attend to the needs of the little family we created together….bla bla bla… Well as we all know, life is not a fairy tail, and dreams don’t always come true. It all started to unravel when it began to sink I that the man I married really didn’t want kids (thought I could change his mind after marriage, ya dumb!) and suddenly my 8-year marriage ended in divorce. The dream, gone. (that’s the abbreviated version; but lets just say I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy!)
But praise the Lord (literally) my life quickly took a turn in an amazing direction when I met and married the man, this time, that I was meant to be with…I’ll tell you that story someday, but this day is about what happened next. We had a beautiful home, minus the picket fence (I don’t really like those anyway) and then according to the plan, it was time for kids. We started practicing (that’s what we called “it”) and after a couple of years of not being able to get pregnant, we did what any logical couple would do; we carried around sperm in a cup and a Dr. using a “turkey baster” was brought in to replace my sweet husbands role in the attempt to conceive. Fun. I won’t even go into all the girls that we had talked to about adopting their children (including the one that had a late term abortion, heartbreaking!!!) Its hard to really express how difficult it is to have such a desire for children and not be able to make it happen, so I’m not going to even try…Lets just say it’s a rollercoaster full of crazy heart ache!!!
It all changed the day Lindsay followed her heart and called to tell me about a young girl that she had just met that was looking for a family to adopt her unborn baby girl. It would take a book to tell the entire story, but I’ll just say it was a journey full of miracles, and our little angel was born a short 5 weeks later.
Our baby girl was 3 when we had once again given up the dream for more children and decided to be content and done with one…she was after all more than we could have ever dreamed!! But about a month after making this decision, we received yet another call from someone possibly looking for a family. Honestly we have talked to enough girls to be totally over doing this even one more time, but we were compelled. Two weeks later, our baby boy was born. Miracle #2!!!!!!
It’s difficult for me to contain this story in just a few paragraphs, and maybe at some point I’ll be able to tell parts a little more completely. What I am finding, is that it is hard for a lot of people to understand adoption…I don’t have all of the answers but I want to just give you a few things to consider when trying to relate to families who have adopted. These points are my opinion only, but I do think that other parents of adopted kids would feel the same…
First of all,
Please!!!! Do not feel sorry for me!!!!!! I did not squeeze my children out of a tiny hole in my body, but that does not make them any less a part of us! Honestly, I feel kinda sorry for my friends whose bodies carry the “scars” of 9 months of torture! (they gladly except them, I know) I treasure my children because they are miracles, made for us just as much as biological children are.
If you ever wonder if someone’s kids are adopted, don’t ask. Simply tell them how beautiful they are and they will tell you if they want. Our kids are just as smart as not adopted kids and a 5 year old will know if people are always asking because they don’t look like their parents.
Please don’t tell me “oh that’s so neat that you did that!” We do not go to the pound and pick out the scrawniest looking kid with the saddest eyes. Most parents are probably not trying to save the world; we are just making our families outside of a bedroom, and honestly it’s a process much harder than you would ever dream!
And I know people with the BEST OF INTENTIONS say this one but it kinda hits a nerve….“oh I want to do that someday, or I’ve always wanted to do that!” (I don’t not like you if you have ever said that to me ;) a lot of people do!) Thats great if you do, really it is! But you don’t just call up someone and order up a child because you feel like it. I don’t know an adoptive parent that doesn’t suffer YEARS of heartbreak in the process. And until you go through it, it’s hard to understand the difficulties…Sorry, I sound like a jerk, It’s just impossible to explane…
Never ask us;
How long have you had her?
Is she from here?
How much did they cost?
Are your kids siblings? (of course they are! Sheesh!)
Can her parents take her back?
I do get asked these things!!! If we want to tell you, we will. Sometimes I do, gladly (I’m very open) but sometimes I like to let it go at “your children are beautiful” ! and I simply get to say “thank you!” (By the way, they are!!!)
I hope that you will never know the pain in not being able to fully celebrate the birth of your child with your husband or family because immediately a birth mom is grieving her loss. Or the torture of waiting for her to sign paperwork, praying that she will go through with it, and knowing she could change her mind and you can walk away empty handed, to an empty nursery and empty crib! Having a child disappear after months of waiting, or never having a child after years in the system. It is heartbreaking.
You may never know what it feels like to drive a precious birth mom home and leave her standing in an empty living room, then drive off with “her” child! That is true heartbreak! I’ve done it twice.
I think we just want people to understand that adoption is a difficult process, it cant be simplified, but at the end of the day, our children are no less “ours” than biological children…
This is just a tiny glimpse into my journey, and I really hope it sheds a little light into some of the struggles, and joys of adopting.
Facebook Login Labels: adoption, divorce, family, life, marriage, motherhood
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