I have this super cool wall in my house that I painted with chalkboard paint.  It is either filled up announcing a birthday, holiday, special event deep thought or a scripture.  It is almost always covered partially in kids drawings, and currently it has a scripture on it from Colossians 3, that reads...(an abbreviation from the original text..)

Put aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech from your mouth!

Lay aside: the old, evil self= put on the new self!  Be renewed!!!



     This verse has been there for a month or so and was originally put up by me when I was just being short and nasty to my sweet husband for no real reason.  I needed that reminder to stop being ugly with my words and attitude!  Now...for even more honesty!

  

     I had been husbandless for a couple of days; just a side note: hats off to you mamas doing this solo!  You are heroes!  Can I just add another side note before I continue without this whole thing feeling like one big side note??  I love my family and my children with so much passion it hurts my innermost being.  They are a part of me, even though they are not from my body.  My arms ache for them, and I am only complete because of them.  That being said...

     I had been husbandless for a couple of days when mama "snapped".  I won't give all the reasons why my snap felt justified, but it happened after many days of arguing, whining, crying, and straight up irritation.  I took the kids to bed and they started arguing about who wanted me to "tuggle" them first.  I know it sounds silly, but it was like the straw that broke the camels back...I just couldn't handle it!  I got up and said "I don't want to snuggle anyone, I just want to be alone" and I walked out.  Thats when it hit me, like a punch in the face, I walked right toward the wall.  I knew right at that moment that the verse, was still there for me; but this time, it was about my attitude toward my kids.

     You see, I have been justifying my shortness, my irritation and my bad attitude by saying "I have a crazy frustrating terrible 2 year old boy, and an only slightly less frustrating 6 year old girl".  But is that a good justification? or is it that  I have let my attitude go to a really ugly place?   As I stood and stared at the verse, I realized that I had to start right at the moment to do exactly what I had resolved to do toward my husband..to put aside anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech.  To lay aside the old, evil self and put on the new self.  Be renewed.

     For me though, this is not a one time commitment to myself.  This is an ongoing, moment by moment choice to put on the new self.    I don't have a 12 step plan to follow, I don't have a contract to sign or a long speech to make.  Just a simple story on how the only way I can change my attitude, is to allow my heart to be renewed.  For me, this involves praying for change and allowing my heart to be softened and for my ugly self to be renewed to a soft, and patient mommy for my kids.  They deserve it.  

     This is not a lecture for anyone today, or even a "how to" post, but a simple dose of honesty that is hard to admit to, but necessary for my growth.  I know it's hard to raise kids...it's easier to be at work all day (I know, I do it both!)  but it is my most important job I will ever do.  I will never be perfect at it, but I will put aside my anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech, I will put on a new self.  For me and my family;



     I turned away from the wall, walked back into my kids room, apologized, snuggled first with my baby girl, then climbed in bed with my little walking hunk of frustration.  Through half closed eyes he whispered to me "I love you sooo much..." as they closed the rest of the way he finished with "we have a family".

All I could do was cry.

Thank you God, for these little miracles that I in no way deserve.  Thank you for giving me renewed patience, and thank you for renewing my heart.

Sugarpie Cosmetics... A lovely tube of lipgloss

Eco Chic Hand Knits... Organic cotton face scrubbies

T-Aroma... $20 gift certificate for yummy bath goodies

Eco Glo Minerals... full size jar of shimmer eye shadow 

Dabrowski Designs... amazing custom bling hat

Earth Monkeys... Green on-the-go baby gear {bib, changing pad, paci-pack}

Vivo candles...a delicious soy/coconut candle

Irma Gusman Jewelery...a gorgeous handmade necklace and earring set 

Oops Sheet...your choice of a mattress protecting sheet

My babies green...you must check out all of their awesome things!

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    Occasionally I get a chance to browse through other blogs.  I love the ones that either make me laugh,  pull on my heart strings, or even the ones that teach me something all Martha-ish (that I will never do of course!).  But the one feeling I almost always walk away with, is one of complete and utter inadequacy.

     It is hard for me to write in this blog.  I am not a writer, I am not overly wise, funny or experienced in all areas of life.  Most of the time, what I really want to write is something that will make you all cry with laughter, and of course we know that rarely happens.  So, I try to be real.  Today I have been struggling with writing this post.  Once again, I have fallen into the trap of wanting to make you all laugh.  I thought about sharing how my daughter and I rode our new scooter cars down the hill outside of our house and hit about 20!  We did it over and over, and had some great laughs!  I put together a few "life lessons" to share about taking time with your kids, laughing and enjoying life; I thought about some wise marriage advice since we are celebrating our 8 year anniversary tomorrow...(like I have any of that) but somehow, none of it feels right...



     When I was in high school, there were two separate times that a student was killed in a drunk driving accident.  These were obviously tragic times!!  If there was anything good that came out of these horrible incidents, it was that the rest of us students snapped into reality and realized that none of us were immune to this kind of tragedy.  I think for about a month, everything changed.  Ya, a month.  That is about the amount of time that it took for us to forget and start drinking and driving again...Shame!!  Funny thing is, that as adults, I'm not convicted that we are much different.  Soldiers die in wars, and we are moved; yet we still argue with our husbands that are alive and well.  New Orleans has a massive flood, people die, homes are lost; and still we complain about laundry and the traffic on the way to work.  Japan has an earthquake that has potentially killed tens of thousands; and yet we spent the day frustrated because our car broke down, the kids broke a vase, and we were late for church.

     I'm sure I lost a "friend" this last week when on my FB wall someone had said something like "I had a really bad day";  I had just gotten off the phone with my sister in law who's family currently lives in Japan; and I just couldn't handle that remark.  So call me a mean girl, but I commented "unless you are living in Japan, it probably was not THAT bad of a day".  My "overly-sensible" husband made a good point that something very bad could have happened to her, but I guess that was just a "straw moment" for me.  (that is what I call those moment where you just snap).  I'm just over us overly spoiled Americans sitting around complaining about our bosses, our kids, our sinks full of dishes, and everything else that is only complicated because we overfill our plates (literally a figuratively).  Can I just say just so you don't all think I'm a raging !$%&#...I know life can be challenging on a daily basis.  I am a work from home mom of  two, I have a part time job as well, and I do not have someone that shows up to cook my dinner or do my laundry...I know it's frustrating...and I do complain sometimes...(I think I just heard Linz say "thats for sure!!!")...but it's our attitudes I'm talking about here.

     I am hoping and praying that we will be able to watch this tragedy that is going on right now, even as you read this post, and remember it.  In a month, a year, a decade...and let it change us all.  If you are reading this, you are most likely sitting in a warm house or office, or even reading it on some  fancy schmancy phone...so really, really REALLY...what do we have to complain or gripe about!!!

     I have recently committed to changing my attitude...big time!!!  I am sticking to it...big time!!!  It is changing my home, my kids, and my marriage.  I have NOTHING to complain about.  Oh, I could believe me, my life is not perfectly smooth sailing.  And just turn on the news if you are not convinced that you could make a list a mile long of all of the great things in your life too!

     I am sorry to be on such a rampage.  No, actually I am not.  If you don't need to change your thinking, or your attitude in any way, I am sorry that I waisted your time.   But if you do, I am asking you to put on your big girl panties and be brave...Please comment below and share an area that you have been wasting time on being negative about, then tell us how you are going to change it.   If you "follow" us, and comment, one brave person will win an Earth Monkey bib!!

     And please, take a moment to lift up the people of Japan, Haiti (we seam to have forgotten about them already) and our brave soldiers who risk their lives daily for us.  Thanks for letting me be honest with you....



...And one quick side note.  We all need a friend that gets us; that gets that we love our lives (for the most part) but that we can be honest with.  It is ok to share frustrations, hurts, and just a bit of complaining with.  Oh and when you see us do it here or on our FB page try not to judge; because we are real...OK, now I'm done, for real. .