Friday, December 24, 2010
Very Christmas...Because I Said So...
A Christmas Message from our EMG
(Earth Monkey Grandma) Cindy...
(Earth Monkey Grandma) Cindy...
I used to turn into a raving maniac before a shindig at my house. I was an especially fine wreck at Christmas. That final arsenic hour before the first ring of the doorbell would find me ranting and racing like a sprinter to the finish line. Although I don't recall sprinters using the language I would use to inspire them to push on. My husband and children bore the brunt of my attitude only to witness me opening the door to the guests with a warm and gushing "Hello!, Merry Christmas, so glad you could be here!" I guess the family learned early on that mama had some multiple personality issues and they were only privy to my dark side.
My kids are all grown now and while I have mellowed out and even eliminated a few of the other people who have dwelled within me, I still grapple with the arsenic hour before the guests arrive. Last month on Thanksgiving in that last dark 1/2 hour before the doorbell, the turkey was refusing to brown, and I desperately needed the oven before the rising, yeasty rolls missed their window to bake at their peak. It was then I realized I hadn't freshened up all day. I was a frazzled looking mess and running up the stairs to slap on some make-up I discovered the dog had a terrible accident on the guest room carpet. I lost it. It was ugliness at its finest. I learned later our youngest son had reported to his uncle: "It must be Thanksgiving because mom is saying the "F" word." The men in my family huddled wearily out in the shop until they were sure it was safe to go near me again. We had a good laugh about it later but I still felt the shame.
I love most things about the holidays, especially the cooking and baking and decorating. But our family is large and just doing the basics is a lot of work and the basics are never enough. Last year when our daughter and her family were loading up in the car to return to their California home after a quick 3 days home for Christmas, my 7 year old grandson looked at me with a sad face and said, "Gramma we never got to play, you were always busy." This was a knife in my heart. It was also the inspiration I needed to rethink it all. I thought I was too old to be sucked in by out lying pressures from the media to set the expectation bar so unrealistically high. We all want to give our kids that Hallmark movie Christmas, complete with the snow starting to fall on Christmas Eve, even when our kids have kids of their own. 56 years later I am discovering it is an impossible dream. Last night my 5 year old grandson spent the night. We were doing our usual shenanigans that we do on a sleep-over and in the middle of our raucous playtime he stopped and said "Gramma I love..." I thought he was going to say "you" but instead he said "Christmas." This from a boy who is growing up in a home where Santa and gift-giving is down-played greatly and the birth of Christ is at the forefront of the holiday spirit. Still, while he is aware that surprises await him, his love for this holiday is about the simple things. At 5:30 this morning he went downstairs when he woke and I found him plugging in the Christmas tree lights and all the other Christmas lights in the living room. It does look magical with the twinkling lights "all aglow" in an otherwise dark house (did I mention it was 5:30?) He snugged up with me on the couch and said "Very Christmas Gramma." With that I told myself I am done with the craziness. By the time you read this it will be Christmas Eve, but it isn't too late. Take the time today. Stop, sit, play, laugh and be silly with those monkeys you mamas. They won't care or remember if the house was clean or the dinner was perfect. They won't even remember if you didn't play with them Christmas 2010. But they will remember if you did. Do as I say, NOT as I did and by the way, "VERY CHRISTMAS!"
My kids are all grown now and while I have mellowed out and even eliminated a few of the other people who have dwelled within me, I still grapple with the arsenic hour before the guests arrive. Last month on Thanksgiving in that last dark 1/2 hour before the doorbell, the turkey was refusing to brown, and I desperately needed the oven before the rising, yeasty rolls missed their window to bake at their peak. It was then I realized I hadn't freshened up all day. I was a frazzled looking mess and running up the stairs to slap on some make-up I discovered the dog had a terrible accident on the guest room carpet. I lost it. It was ugliness at its finest. I learned later our youngest son had reported to his uncle: "It must be Thanksgiving because mom is saying the "F" word." The men in my family huddled wearily out in the shop until they were sure it was safe to go near me again. We had a good laugh about it later but I still felt the shame.
I love most things about the holidays, especially the cooking and baking and decorating. But our family is large and just doing the basics is a lot of work and the basics are never enough. Last year when our daughter and her family were loading up in the car to return to their California home after a quick 3 days home for Christmas, my 7 year old grandson looked at me with a sad face and said, "Gramma we never got to play, you were always busy." This was a knife in my heart. It was also the inspiration I needed to rethink it all. I thought I was too old to be sucked in by out lying pressures from the media to set the expectation bar so unrealistically high. We all want to give our kids that Hallmark movie Christmas, complete with the snow starting to fall on Christmas Eve, even when our kids have kids of their own. 56 years later I am discovering it is an impossible dream. Last night my 5 year old grandson spent the night. We were doing our usual shenanigans that we do on a sleep-over and in the middle of our raucous playtime he stopped and said "Gramma I love..." I thought he was going to say "you" but instead he said "Christmas." This from a boy who is growing up in a home where Santa and gift-giving is down-played greatly and the birth of Christ is at the forefront of the holiday spirit. Still, while he is aware that surprises await him, his love for this holiday is about the simple things. At 5:30 this morning he went downstairs when he woke and I found him plugging in the Christmas tree lights and all the other Christmas lights in the living room. It does look magical with the twinkling lights "all aglow" in an otherwise dark house (did I mention it was 5:30?) He snugged up with me on the couch and said "Very Christmas Gramma." With that I told myself I am done with the craziness. By the time you read this it will be Christmas Eve, but it isn't too late. Take the time today. Stop, sit, play, laugh and be silly with those monkeys you mamas. They won't care or remember if the house was clean or the dinner was perfect. They won't even remember if you didn't play with them Christmas 2010. But they will remember if you did. Do as I say, NOT as I did and by the way, "VERY CHRISTMAS!"
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1 comments:
Love this! Had tears in my eyes the whole time!
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