Monday, January 24, 2011
Mini vans, knee driving and sex appeal...HU??
I heard a statistic some time back that mini vans are the automobile most involved in accidents. Not the kid in the red sports car, or the mercedes driven by a business man talking on his phone...but a "mom" in a mini van. The part I like about this statistic, is that I will NEVER, I repeat NEVER be a mom caught dead in one of those...unless of course I die
while riding with Lindsay in hers as she races around texting and making the kids lunch while driving!!! (oh and thats not far from the truth!!) And just a side note; to everyone out there already planning what you are going to write in the comment box below about the benefits of a mini van...save your keyboard, I can't be convinced. I already know the doors close on their own...I don't care! ;) A friend of mine said it best...If you want to have any ounce of sex appeal left, you can never drive a mini van!!! Although I personally am not very concerned with "sex appeal" anymore (except to my man at home) I would like to have a little dignity in tact at the end of the day. Even if that does mean bruises on my forehead from trying to cram my kids into the side door of my super cool Subaru suv!!! (um ya) anyway...This post is not about mini vans, but it's about the fact that when I look in my rear view mirror, all I see are two heads. Albeit the two most adorable heads in the universe, that hardly justifies the fact that I can't see out of my rear window. As I was speeding down the freeway today, "knee driving", I unwrapped and handed each one of my kids their favorite "rice bars" and wondered if maybe, just maybe, I was working on broadening the category of "the car involved in the most accidents" to be "any car driven by a mother"! In my defense, I'm a pretty good knee driver! I suppose that holding the steering wheel in the 2 and 10 o'clock positions might be the smarter way to go, but really? I would then get to spend the entire drive explaining how far away we are from food, or water, or gum or blankets or things that they have dropped on the floor and can't possibly be lived without for 5 minutes!! And I begin to wonder what might be more dangerous... me loosing my grip with the steering wheel, or me loosing my entire grip on sanity??? For goodness sakes people...I am already listening to kids music and kids books on cd (Linz says this makes me the "nice mom") so I'm already half way to crazy land as it is! (these cd's are NOT made for mothers!!!) Oh and speaking of that...dancing, clapping, head nodding and fist pumps, might be best saved for home as well. I said their music is not made for moms, but I left out the part that as much as I hate it, I too get sucked into "clap, clap, clap your hands...."! My kids think I'm totally awesome that I dance and drive! And you with teenagers, know how important it is that I suck every ounce of admiration out of my kids now, because soon enough they will see me for the dork that I am and treat me as such!!
So to all of you mothers out there driving while handing back bottles and pacifiers, wiping snot, fixing meals, refereeing fights, dancing, yelling, picking up toys or simply staring at your angels in the rear view mirror...(the obvious thing to say here would be "stop it before you kill us all") do your best to survive...with your sanity, and your life!!!
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(and just another side note...I am fully aware of the importance of driving safely and paying full attention to the road...this is just a little exaggerated fun...but no too far from reality!!!)
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8 comments:
I give my hubby a neck massage. I only think about it when we're en route to Redding, but as soon as I reach up and touch his neck, he just smiles and I see that relaxed boy I married 8 years ago. All the weight of the world melts away for that short time. I should do it more often, not just when we're stuck in the car for hours and I get to just stare at him.
Here is a little trick to how to provide the kids with snack without wrecking in the process (and yes, I do have to get better at following my own advice). I try to keep a paper bag (shopping bag size) of snacks right next to the driver seat. In it I've got snacks already packed in little quarter sized zip lock bags. Important: the zip lock bags have to be the kind with the actual zipper on, or else the kids will not be able to open and close them on their own. YES, Linz I'm like you - I drive the van. hehe. The Swagger Wagon to be exact. hehe. Anyways, I can't possibly reach the kids at the back of the van, so I simply toss my already made snack bags backwards and hope that I hit in close enough proximity of Calem (my 5 year old) so he can pass them on to his sisters. =) Waiting to I get to a red light, where I have to stop anyways is of course ideal, but we all know that doesn't always happen...=)
Katie...That is so sweet I think I'm sick! ;)
and..thehefleys....good suggestion!!! Hope everyone catches on to that one!!!
Oh man. This post made me laugh. Because it's true. So, so true.
In response to the new cell phone law in Oregon and buying my bluetooth device...(June 2010)
"...I can't help but wonder if there is a hands free device for picking sippy cups up off the floor, or a device created to pass out crackers without actually using my hands...
Because, I'll be honest - my kids are what distract me while driving. It is quite possible that my dealings with them, while operating a motor vehicle, will cause an accident of some sort, someday. I have to pick things up off the floorboard, put kids back in seat belts, dodge juice boxes being thrown at my head, referee fights, confiscate unapproved paraphernalia, point out planes, trains, and rainbows - all while driving, in traffic, to various destinations. Frankly, holding a cell phone rates high on the safety chart when compared to driving with children...."
Soooo funny!!! Soooo true Joah!!!! Thanks for the additions!
I am so used to pointing out jets now (we live by an air force base) that the other day I was driving and saw 4 flying super close together I got so excited I almost veered off the road as I was pointing excitedly, it wasn't until there was utter silence that I realized I was by myself and thus pointing for no reason.
It's such a rare occurrence to be alone...
My Husband and I swear that mini vans are the worst speeders on the road, and when we get a glimpse at the drivers it's not the proverbial "Soccer Mom" but usually a "Soccer Dad". We surmise that he is speeding to try and makeup for the manliness he's lost by driving in a mini van in the first place. ;) We are Saab people but we know the day is coming soon (baby #2 due in June) were we will need to make some kind of auto compromise. We're thinking some kind of retro wagon... We won't be able to afford an SUV any time soon(at least you have that option Gena;)
I grew up in a beat-up VW Wagon, five kids bouncing around the back WITH NO SEATBELTS! And yes, my mother once ran over a stop sign, completely. As teens we asked to be dropped off a block away. Funny thing is, we would of killed for my parents to drive a mini van and be like all the other kids. Hmm.. you just can't win 'em all, can you?
Shauna that is hillarious...
and Janice, I think you are right on with the Soccer Dad part!!! I too grew up bouncing around in the back of a wagon...a station wagon with wood paneling!!! Oh, those were the days, when kids could build tents in the car on a long drive!!!
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