Wednesday, November 3, 2010
omg…I will never do that!
GENA…Seriously, people with kids do so many stupid things. Like really does it take any time to wipe that nasty food off of their dirty little face? And then, I get so grossed out when mothers try to clean it off with their own spit…Nasty! I would never do that! Oh my gosh, when I see a kid drop food then pick it up and eat it, I totally want to gag…My kid will never eat anything that could have dirt or germs on it like that! And I so can’t stand being in a car that kids ride in. Do they all have to be that dirty? Food on the floor, clothes, and diapers, all right already just clean it up and keep it clean! For real if I have to listen to one more bratty kid in the grocery store or restaurant crying or screaming, I’ll spank them myself. It’s not that hard to control their behavior! And one last thing, I will never, and I mean never wipe a snotty nose with anything but a Kleenex tissue! I saw a lady use her jacket sleeve…Disgusting!!!
That was a glimpse into my past…before motherhood. Those may not have been my exact words but they were definitely things that I just knew I would never do when I was a mother. Now let me tell you what I have become.
Sometimes I look at my children (mostly my toddler, my 5 year old can now clean herself) and I think really, how long has that been stuck to your face? Hunter went to bed tonight with sharpie on his and I frequently wonder what most of the gunk could possibly be! We do try to clean up before entering public life, but even in his car seat he somehow ends up a mess.
Which brings me to my next topic…Messy cars. So ya, I have become that mom that is mortified to even have the gas station guy look into my car. I even wonder if it smells to him when my window is rolled down. I’m telling you that I fill my arms with as much stuff as I can every time I get out and its still a mess! I took out a floor mat that was caked with dried milk a few months ago, I should go clean that thing. Think I’ll wait, its 2:45 am! And lets not even talk about car seats! I’m sure my kids will need therapy someday to deal with that issue. I have just given up on getting those clean!
My toddler can throw a fit the size of Texas if he drops his “bar” and I’m sure that by blowing on it after I pick it up, its clean enough to eat. I’m convinced, and that’s good enough for me! Dare I admit that I am now occasionally eating dropped food too???
And yes I have become the mother with the screaming kids. I try my best to be respectful, and I have removed us from a few places because of crying, but come on, if I went home every time one of my kids was screaming, I would never be anywhere outside my home! Sorry is the best I can do.
I saved to grossest (I’m sure that’s a word somewhere) thing for last…I do it…I use my shirt often to wipe snotty noses. I hope at least one person can relate and the rest of you should try it! Its convenient, eco friendly (think of all the tissue you save) it dries quickly and washes out easily. What? You don’t think those are good reasons??? I’ll just give you a tighter hug next time I see you.
Linz…Let me just say I was the MOST annoying “pre-mom” and “first time mom” on the face of the planet. Seriously, I was full of things my kids would never do… AND when our oldest was three months old I actually told my husband I don’t know why people think being a parent is so hard. (Uhhh…maybe because he wasn’t mobile or verbal yet you idiot!!!)
Here are my top 5 most annoying “NEVERS” ever…Drumroll please…
1) I WILL NEVER COOK MORE THAN ONE MEAL…if you’re a picky eater…you’ll have to starve. Now, I’m sure there are good moms who can stick to their guns on this rule…but I am not one of them. I cook anywhere from 2-4 meals three times a day most days. I should clarify that my kids are on the GFCF diet AND God blessed me with not only the pickiest kids on earth but also kids with the worst gagg reflexes ever…thank you for that one. Sawyer has thrown up in his plate more than once …sometimes he gags just looking at food. And the whole starving method only works if you can put up with hours of whining crying and tantruming … I can’t - so I will cook!
2) MY KIDS WON’T WATCH TV…. ahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahaha ….. ahahhahahahahahahahah…. excuse me, I mean hmmm…yeah right. TV is my best friend simply because it’s the only thing that can paralyze and mesmerize my children for more than 10 minutes…the only time I get to go to the bathroom by myself is when the kids are sucked into curious george or shawn the sheep. Do they watch too much?? Absolutely…Am I going to do anything about it in the near future?? Uhhh not likely. Don’t judge…try it, you’ll like it…all of your friends are doing it:):)
3) I WON’T ALLOW SIBLING RIVALRY… I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for that one… ALL my children do (besides watch TV:)) is FIGHT…not just arguing or screaming at each other either… things usually end with someone being punched, hit, bit or bludgeoned with a golf club…they’re furocious… And they’re all under 6 … ohhh mamas got a long road ahead of her!
4) MY KIDS WILL NEVER JUST RUN WILD AT HOME OR IN PUBLIC…seriously my mom used to say, “I just can’t have nice things”...I decided yesterday my line is “I just can’t have things!” because they destroy everything!! Sawyer didn’t earn the nickname “SAWYER THE DESTROYER” for nothing. They are all three animals…AN-I-MALS! Last week sawyer pulled down his pants and peed not once but three times in the spray park…next to other kids!! Good thing they’re so cute!
5) I WILL NEVER TAKE MY KIDS INTO PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE TRASH… Not that we venture into public often…but I will tell you it’s rare to have teeth brushed, shoes on, hair done and nothing sticky on faces when we leave the house. I had a friend post on facebook that she and her husband had done what they said they would never do…they took their children into town looking totally dirty and trashy…I told her it gets easier after the first time and earlier that day we went to the store shoeless because my kids just didn’t feel like putting them on:) Ohhh so classy!
What are some of your “NEVERS”? We want to hear from you…
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3 comments:
Gals, I'm totally with you on this! I walked into motherhood as an overachieving MBA, Type-A neat freak. My, how kids can change your perspective and increase flexibility!
I NEVER thought I would let myself become the slobby mom in sweats, but let's just say that I learned to embrace a shower-free lifestyle when I first became a mom.
I NEVER thought I would bribe with food, especially since I learned that both of my boys have food allergies, but I find myself giving in because food is one of the best motivators for my kids. Can you imagine how this is even possible when their dad is 6'8"? My boys already eat more than I do, and they're only 5 and 8! It's going to be sheer awesomeness when they are teenagers.
I NEVER thought I would have any "discipline" issues at my house. After all, I'm the daughter of a former cop and soldier. I know a thing or two about discipline. And then I learned a word I never thought I would have to worry about, "autism." That word changed everything. Traditional discipline techniques are not always effective when dealing with behaviors related to autism.
What I've learned is that I didn't really know anything. All I can do is be open to learn as I go, be willing to change course whenever needed, be grateful for a supportive and loving husband, and pray when I don't have a clue what to do next.
-Angela (a.k.a. Caffeinated Autism Mom)
http://caffeinatedautismmom.blogspot.com
Wow... I knew I liked you:) Thanks for sharing!!
Oh, how I can relate! I was totally that lady that said I wouldn't be the one yelling at my kids all the time. I was gonna maintain my composure. Haha! Wanna know that the Lord has a sense of humor? My two youngest are deaf! No matter how loud ya yell, they ain't gonna hear ya! (:
And then there's the wardrobe. I wasn't gonna let my kids go out mismatched and looking all Cyndi Lauper like I used to love doing as a child. What do you think my daughter wore all last year to preschool?!? TuTus and rainboots! Sometimes you pick your battles, right?!?
Man...I am sure I could go on and on and on....
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