Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I only paint the toes that show…
Anyway, why am I going on about my disgusting man feet??? Because I think they kind of represent who I am in life…(stay with me now girls.) So much of what I do and how I portray myself is so others will think that I have it together…not ALL together because that would be annoying…but just together. What I want you to see is that I have three crazy boys … two with special needs… and although we have been faced with many challenges… I am strong and I am easy going and I know what I’m doing. That’s what I want you to see, and that’s probably what it looks like from a distance. But when you get even remotely close enough you will see that many days I am just broken…that I use humor to put myself down to guard against your judgement… and that I have no clue what I’m doing most of the time or how to be a good mom to such complex boys.
I’m sick of pretending to be someone I’m not. Guess what I’m a horrible house keeper…not just because my kids destroy everything…but because I hate to clean. If you come to my house without any notice, my house WILL NOT be clean…EVER. I will never be a gentle soft spoken mom who plays games and does crafts all day with my kids…that’s just not me. But what I am trying to come to grips with is that who God made me … is enough. I am enough… and you are too.
So today, before you post on facebook that you just ran 5 miles, cleaned your house and listened to your 3-year-old recite the encyclopedia…think about what you’re writing…ask yourself if you’re being you or someone you created in your head. Because until we are ready to be real and sometimes even vulnerable…we can never be in true community with other moms. How can we be there for each other if we don’t really know each other?
P.S. Making ourselves look like we have it ALL together is really just friggen annoying anyway … hearing that your perfect child is Einstein or that you are June Cleaver makes it harder for me to like you…not the opposite (woops was that too honest…somebody put a filter on me:)
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2 comments:
OK I am a big idiot with fat thumbs and while I was attempting to publish a comment yesterday I accidentally deleted it... so I have CUT, COPIED and PASTED it here... sorry Sarah... I am a huge dork!
From Sarah:
I could have written this post. I just found this blog recently and clicked on the "autism" tag to see everything that is most pertinent to me (right now, at least). I, too, have two kids with autism - a boy who is seven and a girl who is four. And they are just about polar opposites of each other. And it is REALLY hard to hold it all together. And I'm really trying to be more in the "thankful" place rather than the "kinda sad and defeated" place. But I look pretty good from the outside too. ;) Thanks for this post.
Well, thanks for going to all the trouble! And I'm happy to say that I'm in more of the happy and thankful place today. I hope you're having a good day too. But I really do need a pedicure...
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