There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, Christmas Vacation, that makes me cringe every time I see it.  Cousin Eddy arrives at Clarks house with his family in their "tenement on wheels" and as grandpa bends down to give the son a little kiss, Eddy says something to the effect of "you might not want to do that, he's got a little lip fungus that they aint identified yet"...



     I had the joy of experiencing my first zit at the age of 19.  Now those of you that struggled through high school with a face full of them are probably thinking "lucky!!!"  But for me, it has taken 20 years, a truckload of antibiotics, bathtubs of benzoil peroxide,  washes, scrubs, lotions, ointments, homeopathic remedies and special diets, it's finally gone.  Basically I got to experience my 2 weddings, my 2 children's births, beauty school, 2 careers, my 21st., 25th, 30th and 35th birthdays, covered in zits!  Fun...The great part is, they are gone, the bad part is, now I'm fighting the wrinkle battle!  So not fair!!!  At this point in my life, my bathroom cabinet  resembles that of a 65 year old wrinkled, puberty struck, "cousin Eddies son", freckled freak of nature.   I have RetinA for the acne (yes that is what FINALLY got rid of it!), Tri-luma to fade the freckles (sounds much better than "age spots!"), arnica cream for the aching arthritis in my knuckles, and this is the shudder part...an anti-fungal used on jock itch and athletes foot!  There I said it!  I had to use something men used on their johnsons, peepers, man parts, unmentionables, to cure the area just above my lip.  (cringe!) If I ever pictured living a scene in Christmas Vacation, it would be the part with the swimming pool, NOT the lip fungus scenario!   It now takes me longer to get ready for bed than it does to get ready in the morning!  (a point which my husband just LOVES...especially the night guard, sexy!! Riiiiiight)  When each section of your face requires a different "magic potion, it takes a while! The irony is that I am crazy about what our family eats and puts on our skin.  We are basically limited to a bare minimum soap, an organic shampoo and plain coconut oil on our bodies...but when it comes to trying to get my face to resemble that of a human, I'll pretty much resort to whatever chemical is necessary...I admit to peals, micro-dermabrasions, botox (hey don't judge, this stuff takes off 10 years!), and fillers...yep, I have these hollow lines under my eyes, and darn it, I just like it when they are gone.   There, now you all know my secrets!   And one other thing..thank goodness for editing (and Maria Alexandra Photography) because according to a lot of my photos, my face looks as smooth as my little guys butt!"



     Funny what a little vanity does...Ya I'm not afraid to admit to being just a little bit vain...We are bombarded by skinny, plastic looking 16 year olds on tv and magazines selling us "old girls" living in the real world, foundation that makes us look 13.6 years younger, and eye creams that will for sure make us look like we actually have slept for more than 3 hours in a row, and cream to rub on our butts to that will make them look like my 5 year olds!  But the reality?  That type of magic doesn't really exist!  We can fill our drawers with 15 different creams and still scare ourselves when we look in the mirror in the morning!  We will  have lines when we smile, (I'm ok with a lot from that!) furrows when we yell at our kids (not that I ever do that! right...) and no amount of sunscreen with ward off those pesky age spots freckles.  But I guess at the end of the day, It's all good.  I want to do the best I can, (and rid myself of fungus..gag) and the rest is controlled by gravity and time.  So once again, I have no real lesson of the day, just a little funny so you can laugh at me and feel better about yourself!



     I want to know what is in your bathroom drawer...make me feel better now...

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