My treasure from Serendipity in Bend this weekend "Living the Minivan Dream"!

I drive a 2002 heavily "loved" minivan. It has war wounds from spilled soy milk and rogue french fries that have been petrified between the seats for years. It has a bit of a large ding on the front passenger side where I ran into our garage one day while texting and driving a bit too fast. (eeek...no kids in the car thank goodness:) It's pushing 200K miles and the automatic sliding door has been transformed into my daily workout since it takes all 160 pounds of me to close it each and every time we want it to work... I am in every sense {LIVING THE MINIVAN DREAM}... and it's only now that I can wear that badge with honor.



Last week on Mother's Day my little sister and I were swapping war stories of our destructive children and sleep depravation when my mom chimed in and said. "I know I had my melt downs when you kids were growing up... but I really LOVED my job as a stay at home mom... it doesn't really seem like you girls like it." I was stunned and hurt, and while my mom wasn't meaning to be disrespectful or hurt me... her words cut me deep and I cried myself to sleep that night.  I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that she didn't understand... that I love my kids but that didn't mean that I had to love the endless laundry and accidents and potty training and sibling rivalry... I knew my defense was weak though and as a mother of 5, every part of her understood my feelings of frustration and wondering if sleep would ever be something I experience EVER again. Every part of her knew the darkness that creeps in from time time, telling me that my only worth in life is as a maid, servant and "cook"(or in my case we'll call it a "microwave technician")... and maybe her words wouldn't have hurt so much if my husband hadn't said the same thing to me just a few weeks ago... I was defensive because I wondered if there really was a small piece of truth to it.



This past weekend I was able to go on my first EVER in the history of the world {MOM'S WEEKEND}. It was awesome and refreshing... we ate great food and drank good wine. More meaningful than anything though were the amazing conversations we had reminding me how blessed I am to wear the badges of chief butt wiper, nose blower and meal maker... reminding me how blessed I am to bear the marks of motherhood and how important my job of raising my three little men really is...

...proof that the urban legend of a "Mom's Weekend" is more than a myth...

I think sometimes in my quest to be real and relatable I come across grouchy and complaining. While preaching on my soap box, that none of us have it all together, I get lost and forget so often to relate the beautiful redeeming parts of motherhood ...  the snuggling, and loves and giggles and beauty of seeing my boys love each other. What terrifies me is thinking that my kids, even for a nano second, might think I don't love my job as their mom. The bottom line is that we're at a rough stage in life... with 2 toddlers and a very special 6 year old... life on any given day is not easy. There are many days that I just cry to myself thinking... "This is NOT what I signed up for." But I know we won't be in this season for ever... and I do love my job and my family more than anything... they define me ... they make me a better person... they give me purpose and passion and laughter and so much unconditional love and forgiveness that I don't deserve. Before them, life was easier... life was less messy and complicated... life was carefree ... BUT BEFORE THEM... I WAS LOST...  AND BEFORE THEM... I DIDN'T HAVE A SONG.



Have you ever heard a song that actually changed your life... your perspective or your heart??? This one did just that to me this weekend! It was like a sweet punch in the face (if there is such a thing) reminding me that I am nothing without my four men... even with a crappy minivan and old rundown house and having to scrub UBS (Unidentifiable "Brown" Stuff) out of the carpet 17 times a day... I love my life and I am so completely blessed! I L-O-V-E JJ Heller! I just downloaded her CD "When I'm With You" because every song on it is AMAZING... and I especially love "Until You Came Along" listen to it and you'll know why:) Here's the song, press play (below) to listen to it... [Click Here to buy on iTunes]