When I was a little girl, my dream consisted of the yellow house with the white picket fence, handsome husband and 2.5 kids.  I would stay home and lovingly attend to the needs of the little family we created together….bla bla bla…  Well as we all know, life is not a fairy tail, and dreams don’t always come true.  It all started to unravel when it began to sink I that the man I married really didn’t want kids (thought I could change his mind after marriage, ya dumb!) and suddenly my 8-year marriage ended in divorce.  The dream, gone. (that’s the abbreviated version; but lets just say I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy!)

     But praise the Lord (literally) my life quickly took a turn in an amazing direction when I met and married the man, this time, that I was meant to be with…I’ll tell you that story someday, but this day is about what happened next.  We had a beautiful home, minus the picket fence (I don’t really like those anyway) and then according to the plan, it was time for kids.  We started practicing (that’s what we called “it”) and after a couple of years of not being able to get pregnant, we did what any logical couple would do; we carried around sperm in a cup and a Dr. using a “turkey baster” was brought in to replace my sweet husbands role in the attempt to conceive.  Fun.   I won’t even go into all the girls that we had talked to about adopting their children (including the one that had a late term abortion, heartbreaking!!!) Its hard to really express how difficult it is to have such a desire for children and not be able to make it happen, so I’m not going to even try…Lets just say it’s a rollercoaster full of crazy heart ache!!! 

     It all changed the day Lindsay followed her heart and called to tell me about a young girl that she had just met that was looking for a family to adopt her unborn baby girl.  It would take a book to tell the entire story, but I’ll just say it was a journey full of miracles, and our little angel was born a short 5 weeks later.

     Our baby girl was 3 when we had once again given up the dream for more children and decided to be content and done with one…she was after all more than we could have ever dreamed!! But about a month after making this decision, we received yet another call from someone possibly looking for a family. Honestly we have talked to enough girls to be totally over doing this even one more time, but we were compelled.  Two weeks later, our baby boy was born.  Miracle #2!!!!!!

     It’s difficult for me to contain this story in just a few paragraphs, and maybe at some point I’ll be able to tell parts a little more completely.  What I am finding, is that it is hard for a lot of people to understand adoption…I don’t have all of the answers but I want to just give you a few things to consider when trying to relate to families who have adopted.  These points are my opinion only, but I do think that other parents of adopted kids would feel the same… 

First of all, 

Please!!!! Do not feel sorry for me!!!!!!  I did not squeeze my children out of a tiny hole in my body, but that does not make them any less a part of us!  Honestly, I feel kinda sorry for my friends whose bodies carry the “scars” of 9 months of torture!  (they gladly except them, I know) I treasure my children because they are miracles, made for us just as much as biological children are. 

If you ever wonder if someone’s kids are adopted, don’t ask. Simply tell them how beautiful they are and they will tell you if they want.  Our kids are just as smart as not adopted kids and a 5 year old will know if people are always asking because they don’t look like their parents. 

Please don’t tell me “oh that’s so neat that you did that!”  We do not go to the pound and pick out the scrawniest looking kid with the saddest eyes.  Most parents are probably not trying to save the world; we are just making our families outside of a bedroom, and honestly it’s a process much harder than you would ever dream!    

And I know people with the BEST OF INTENTIONS say this one but it  kinda hits a nerve….“oh I want to do that someday, or I’ve always wanted to do that!”  (I don’t not like you if you have ever said that to me ;) a lot of people do!) Thats great if you do, really it is!  But you don’t  just call up someone and order up a child because you feel like it.   I don’t know an adoptive parent that doesn’t suffer YEARS of heartbreak in the process.  And until you go through it, it’s hard to understand the difficulties…Sorry, I sound like a jerk, It’s just impossible to explane…

Never ask us;

How long have you had her?

 Is she from here?

How much did they cost?

Are your kids siblings? (of course they are! Sheesh!)

 Can her parents take her back?

I do get asked these things!!!  If we want to tell you, we will. Sometimes I do, gladly (I’m very open) but sometimes I like to let it go at “your children are beautiful” ! and I simply get to say “thank you!” (By the way, they are!!!)

I hope that you will never know the pain in not being able to fully celebrate the birth of your child with your husband or family because immediately a birth mom is grieving her loss.   Or the torture of waiting for her to sign paperwork, praying that she will go through with it, and knowing she could change her mind and you can walk away empty handed, to an empty nursery and empty crib!  Having a child disappear after months of waiting, or never having a child after years in the system.  It is heartbreaking. 

You may never know what it feels like to drive a precious birth mom home and leave her standing in an empty living room, then drive off with “her” child!  That is true heartbreak!   I’ve done it twice.

I think we just want people to understand that adoption is a difficult process, it cant be simplified, but at the end of the day, our children are no less “ours” than biological children…

This is just a tiny glimpse into my journey, and I really hope it sheds a little light into some of the struggles, and joys of adopting.