1. The day I was born my parents loaded me into a nice little wicker basket and threw me on the front seat of their 1968 Chevelle.  In my later years, My siblings and I made tents in the back of our wood paneled station wagon as we drove down I5 to Disneyland…We survived all of these car rides…So what do I hate?  Strapping my babies into 5-point harness torture buckets!  I would cry during every car ride too if I had to be strapped in like a Nascar driver!  (and I drive at least 5 miles slower than they do!)  I’m all for safety but come on, maybe if we all just hang up and drive we could go back to breastfeeding and changing diapers while we drive!  

2. Seriously…I don’t want to hear your music!  Its bad enough that I have to listen to kids music most of the time, but then you pull up next to me, and I have to hear and feel the boom of your base???  It really makes me want to get out of my car, walk over and punch you!  That sounded a bit angry…Well, I’ll get the last laugh when you loose your hearing at 27, punk! 

3. I recently got my favorite magazine in the mail, and for some ungodly reason they had done a spread of naked “famous” women.  This is NOT maxim by the way…First of all it made me want to cancel my subscription, secondly it made me want to never take my clothes off again!  Seriously, is there a reason why every woman in a magazine has to be airbrushed from head to toe?  I’m not sure I know anyone who is mole, wrinkle and dimple free!  I’m seriously beginning to the think that these “beauty” magazines are really just trying to make me feel like the most flawed person on the planet!  And Victoria’s Secret commercials?? Oh don’t even get me started!!!  Those are just made to make my husband think I’m the most flawed person on the planet!  Get real people!!

4. This may be the thing I hate most in the world…I can have a successful shopping trip (which means only one “clean up on isle…”) and be in an ok mood for just spending an hour in the grocery store with my children, then I hit the checkout line…Whoever decided it was a good idea to put candy, gum and especially balloons there should be shot!  My kids will have a meltdown the size of Chernobyl with all of those heavenly things!  Freddies does a “family friendly” line, and frankly, I don’t care that its free of “dirty” magazines, I want it to be free of all of the things my kids think they will die without!  Tell me where a balloon free grocery store is…I’ll go there!

1. No cell phones while driving law….Ok I fully realize the safety aspect of this very inconvenient law. Like the other day when I got pulled over for going 40 in a 25 talking on my phone, without my seat-belt on…I deserved the very large ticket I got…that small town cop hit the jackpot. HOWEVER…the ONLY time mama gets to talk on the phone is when the kids are strapped into that 5 point harness (that, I think is a gift from God…sorry Gena…but when else is it ever socially acceptable to have your child strapped down to their seat?) So until I get a blue tooth device that actually works…I’ll be the one talking on my cell cutting you off in traffic … don’t judge me or flip me off:)

2. Skinny celebs after they shoot out a baby…or worse babIES… Seriously is it not bad enough that we have to see these skinny, perfect people on TV and in the magazines…can any of them just be BIG FAT pregnant??? And then like 2 weeks after they pop the kid(s) out they’re back to, what, a size 4 … UG !! When I was pregnant for the first time, my pastor looked at me and said, “Lindsay, I’m so glad you’re not afraid to do the Big Fat pregnancy thing.” I couldn’t even speak, there were no words. Now 5 years later I’m still packing an extra 20… and I am proud to be a size 10… ya I said it.

3. People who are early… FYI it’s just as rude to be early as it is to be late. So please don’t show up early to my house…ever… never ever…ever. Unless you’re just dying to see dirty diapers everywhere and whatever we ate for our last meal all over my 1 year old’s face…just don’t do it:)

4. People who complain that their kids got up too early … at like 7 am … I fully realize that not all children get up before day break like mine do EVERY FREEKING DAY of my life…however, just so you know (before you complain on facebook or to a friend) Telling people like me that your kids woke you up early, when it’s not really that early is like being 120 pounds and saying you’re fat in front of overweight people…it could get you killed some day… not a threat…just sayin:)