Monday, November 29, 2010

I want more of Christmas...no less...no more...no less...

Oh what a lovely night...I just got both kids down (in their own beds...miracle) and I'm sitting here in the silence (except for the t.v., the drier, and the dishwasher) just me (and the dog, and the husband) typing.   O.K. so it's only a little glamorous.  The beautiful part is the shimmery Christmas tree beside me, not to mention the chuga chuga choo choo train (named by my 2 year old) lying in pieces underneath the for-mentioned shimmery Christmas tree.   None the less, it's pretty.  What makes it even better is that I can gaze at it through my peripheral vision (fancy word), (O.K. I'll stop using parenthesis now, I know its annoying!!!) and completely ignore the massive pile of boxes, stockings, wreathes, lights, snowmen, and other decor behind me...you get the picture right?  You see, my decorating has just begun...2 days ago!  I have had time to accomplish nothing other than the tree and the mess!  I am not complaining.  I love Christmas and all most of what it brings, but sometimes, it's all just a bit too much.  Here are just a few things I am trying to accomplish (along with my normal job, kids, house, company, volunteer work, nose and butt wiping, driving, etc, etc, etc...)




I did not wrap this!
Christmas cards

Decorating

Baking

Christmas parties




This is NOT my house!
Shopping (No I was NOT out there with you crazies on black friday, or I guess it's thursday now!)

Wrapping presents like Martha

Making the perfect Christmas CD

Lights outside that could rival Clark Griswold!

Lights inside

  putting out Christmas dishes...and on, and on...

I know that a lot of you could fill in about a dozen more things you are wanting to do in the next month, but here is my thought for all of us.  First of all if you love the chaos, you go girl, but if you are like me and you don't, I think you will appreciate the words that our pastor gave us today.

He said (I may not be getting this exactly right but here goes)



"I want to make MORE of Christmas, by making LESS of Christmas".



Read that again...

"I want to make MORE of Christmas, by making LESS of Christmas".



I LOVE THIS!!!!  Because I love Christmas, I am going to make LESS of it this year.  What I love, is that for every one of us that chooses to do this, it will mean something different.  For me, here is what it means.



I will not buy every toy that my kids say they need.

I will not make my own bows for each package.

I will not bake.  Nope not even once!  I hate baking people, and I'm the only one that will eat it any way!

I will not host a party, or shop for a new outfit for any that I go to.

I will not care if I don't get wreaths put up just so, or if the stupid train spends more time on the floor than it does on the track.









And I will go back to what Christmas means to me and my family.  We will celebrate Jesus birthday.  We will remember why celebrate, and focus on the magnitude of what He did for us.







So thats it.  Simple.  I am making more of Christmas this year by making less of Christmas this year!





MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!





Friday, November 26, 2010

Getting Lost in "Mommy-Land"...



Today, Earth Monkey Moms has the honor of introducing a great friend and amazing mom... Delores Rubino. I met Delores last year through my son's school when she was his autism specialist. Besides being amazingly compassionate and truly phenomenal at work, she is a single mother of 8 kids. She's faced everything from a season of living in a campground with her children to raising and fighting for her son Noah, who lives with down syndrome and autism. She is a "Mother Warrior" on steroids and I am so excited that she is sharing with us today!!!




Delores...
Unlike many of you who hang out in "EMM" land, I no longer have little, crumb gobbling, mess making, darlings whom I take care of everyday. BUT, I did my time and paid my dues as the mother of 8 monkeys.  Feel free to gasp !  And please, allow me to answer some questions which are undoubtedly swirling around in your heads, as you take a breath.
1. YES, I knew what caused that (pregnancy, that is)
2. NO, we were not Mormons (no offense to anyone who is... its just that people asked that ALL the time)
3. YES, I gave birth to all of them (one at a time, over a span of 17 years, and lived to tell the tale)
4. YES, they have the same father (another story, another time)
5. NO, I was NOT trying to repopulate the earth (yes, someone actually asked that)
As I've read the blogs and comments on EMM, I've laughed, sighed, moaned, and smiled as I remembered the years of having my needy young offspring consume my thoughts and energy every day.  It was easy to get lost in the ongoing demands of motherhood, particularly in the early years.... of course, in my case, the early years went on, and on, and on, and....  well, you can figure that out for yourselves.


It seemed that life was all about the kids, everyday.  YA THINK???  Each decision about everything going on had to be made after careful consideration of numerous factors. Something as ordinary as making a trip to the grocery store had to be strategically planned around nap time, snack time, nursing time, poopy diaper time, who needs to ride in the cart, how many need to ride in the cart, who is available to help push the cart, who can walk alongside, who can't or won't walk alongside, how much food do we need to buy...... UGH, I could go on, but you get the picture.  But, you guys all know this and could easily add your own examples. Daily, I managed to attack the issues presented and survived to do it all again the next day. And the next day. For years.  Whew.


But, somewhere along the way, I got lost. I mean "me". I morphed into "mama" and lost track of "me". For a long time I didn't realize it was happening because I was so busy working on being a good mom. But there would be times when I felt empty, totally alone, frustrated, impatient, and that I would never be able to do the things that were important just to me,  if I could even remember what those things were !


So, I started paying attention to those feelings and tried to find ways to give back... to myself. I love to sing and became part of a trio. We were really good if I do say so myself.  And I will because I believe that. I loved every single minute we were rehearsing or performing.


I needed to find avenues for self-expression in order to save myself from being lost forever.  Bubble baths were one of my first retreats for self-nurturing.... death threats were issued for anyone daring to interrupt.  Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!



Delores with daughters Sarah and Heather
Don't get me wrong, I've loved being a mom, and I'm mostly proud of myself for the job I've done. I gotta be honest about that because some days were UGLY..... and I don't mean the kids !


But, some things I've learned are that remembering who I am and nurturing myself are essential keys to good parenting. The demands of being a mom don't let up for quite a while..... deep breaths everyone, right about now !   The nature of your work will change, but you will always be "mom".... I  certainly am, even though my oldest is now 31, my youngest is 14, I have four grandsons and a grandaughter to be born in January.


I'm still learning to pace myself, take care of myself, stay in touch with who I really am, and like myself. I found myself again, and I like the woman I see in the mirror. If I could go back to my days with a house full of young children (of course, I wouldn't), I would remind myself to not get lost in "mommy wilderness".  I'd tell myself, "Delores, you aren't being selfish as you take care of yourself. Go do something you have always loved to do. Find a way to make it work"



Ladies, I believe it's essential to take care of yourself in order to give the best to your kids. You're a unique individual, who happens to be female, BEFORE you are "mommy"
Now, go out there and conquer the world !!!!!





More of Delores' Clan...


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm 5'7 and Weigh 160 lbs... And I'm OK with that...



I'm 31 years old, I'm 5'7 and I weigh 160 lbs.... and I'm ok with that! GASP! Yeah I said it... after years of dieting and hating myself and my body I have decided that I am fine the way I am...... O lord what's the world coming to??? According to the charts my ideal weight is 138.5...  but let me fill you in on a little secret... mama's NEVER going to weigh 138 point flippen 5.



What's gotten into me you ask? Why am I bucking the system and giving up on every woman's dream of outward perfection??? Honestly because I'm tired. I've been on a diet since I was six(minus my three pregnancies when I gained 55+ pounds and ate everything but the kitchen sink... my butt actually made a shelf, no joke)... and I'm tired. I'm tired of letting the number on the scale determine my value in life. And I finally decided enough is enough.



I have always struggled with feeling "good enough"... at anything really. All through my teen years I battled depression and a myriad of eating disorders in my quest to feel loved and accepted. It wasn't until I worked in an inner city soup kitchen for children in Santiago, Chile, that I realized the ugliness of making myself throw up when there were precious little ones grateful for the one meal they a day they received from the church I was working for. I never made myself throw up again after that... even when my weight soared past the 200 mark.



Three weeks ago, right smack dab in the middle of the first week of a new "program" I had started I was enjoying a gluttonous meal of alfredo sauce and breadsticks at Olive Garden for a cheat meal. I was shoving my face full of whatever was put in front of me even though it had become painful to eat... (only hardcore dieters will be able to identify with the dangerous eating frenzy that accompanies a "free meal") Anyway, I stopped and thought this is ridiculous and I don't want to do it anymore. I was tired of the on-again-off-again relationship with food I had created. I was sick of the disfunction and for some strange reason for the very first time in my life I felt OK with myself. Who knew such revelation could come to me in a booth at Olive Garden at 10 o'clock at night. The feeling was so strong I had to tell my husband... I blurted out with tears streaming (and Alfredo sauce dripping off my chin I'm sure:))... "Babe, I hope this is OK with you...(long pause while I mustered the courage to tell him)... I feel like for the first time in my life I'm OK with who I am and what I look like... I know I'm still a good 20+ pounds overweight, my stomach is just YUCK after three kids and cellulite could be my middle name... but I just feel like I am enough... and I hope that's ok." I cringed as I waited for his response and cried even harder when he told me he had never been more proud of me.



It took me another week and a half to process this and convince myself that it's ok to like myself and just be fine with my body how it is right now. When I got the courage to tell my mom and some friends how I felt... it was really freeing... like a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my chest. It still makes me cry. It's still an active decision to choose to be OK with myself EVERYDAY...  I have to turn away from the TV and magazine ads most of the time because I start comparing myself and questioning my new found resolve. Even the picture I used at the top of the post was hard for me to post... the firs thing I looked at was the size of my legs... I hate used to hate my legs... but I had to remind myself that this is me... this is who God made me to be... I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"... and I'm OK with that....



Today I hope you can look at yourself and realize that you are beautiful... today, right now, just the way you are... YOU ARE ENOUGH!





Monday, November 22, 2010

Letter of Resignation

 11/22/10

Name: Gena Hansen

Title: Doer of everything

Company: House of the Hansens





Dear Sir & Madam,



     I am writing this letter to inform you of my recent decision to resign from my position in your company. This has been a well thought out decision and was reached because of our inability to adequately communicate and my ongoing frustration as manager of your establishment.

     I have worked for you for over 5 years now and will remain in my current position for the time that it will take to hire, and fully train my replacement.  My only concern is finding another unpaid employee that will be willing to meet your constant demands  requests.  I am hopeful however, that we will find someone that can handle your constant fits, unending messes, demanding hours (20 hours a day has worn me out), and not to mention the CEO's "sexual harassment".  (I will not be pressing charges, because I actually didn't mind...sometimes).

     I will be taking away with me many important things I have learned including how to not pull my hair out patience, cussing under my breath communication skills, removing gum from washed clothing advanced problem solving skills, and most importantly how to look interested when I just wish I was alone how to fully enjoy the company of my employers.



     I am ending this letter without further explanation because currently you are pulling on my arm and screaming, and I sense there is a box of Cheerios that is newly covering the floor, as well as paint from one more huge mess beautiful project.



  Thank you again for the opportunity to be abused your employee.  
               Gena Hansen









Hey mom...my dry cleaning needs

to be picked up!





(just so no one gets their panties in a knot, this post needs "sarcasm font")

I will not be resigning from my job as mother of my children,

but please...has someone else out there dreamed of resigning?????



Dont forget to share us if you love us!  Or even if you just feel sorry for us and think we need "help".

Friday, November 19, 2010

How to take a great picture of your monkeys...

Alex owns Maria Alexandra Photography and is our guest contributor here at EMM today. She is inspired by the beauty each individual has, by the innocence and happiness of every child, and by the love each couple feels for one another. She cherishes capturing those special moments and the ability to create a treasure for her clients to keep forever.




Photography is all about good light, nailing the exposure of each picture by choosing the right aperture and shutter speed. Mix all that up with a little creativity and you have got yourself a great photograph. I wont get technical about it in this tutorial. This is for the regular mom with the regular camera to learn how they can easily take a great picture of their kidos. 




1) Go outside. Overcast days that are not dark are best. That way your monkeys are not squinting or have shadows on their faces. Or if it is sunny find some shade. You can even make shade. Get your husband off the couch by divoing his game    and threatening him with his life and have him stand out there with you to hold the large patio umbrella. Believe me it works ;)


2) Pick a good background. Be aware of weird foreign objects that may draw too much attention. Your monkeys should be the main focus



3) Think of a fun thing/ toy that would make your kids happy that could be used as a prop. Having everything set up and prepared for your mini shoot before taking the kids out is best. Kids get tired super fast, having them stand around while you set up and decide what you are going to do will waste time and you will have little to no time to actually take their pictures.

                                                                                              
                                   



4) Threaten... I mean ask... your husband one more time and have him stand where you are planing to take the pictures and do a few test shots to make sure the light is good and everything looks good.  ( turn your flash off to avoid red eyes) 


5) Bring the kids out to your set up area and let them play. Get in front of them and wait to catch your favorite moments and cute faces they naturally make.  Try different angles. If your kids are not looking at the camera try talking to them, tell them a story for a cute serious face, tell them a funny story for a cute smile. I have to make fart noises for my girls so if you know what makes your kids laugh do it even if once again you have your husband help and act as the clown.



I was making fart noises 








I was telling her a story




Moms Please do not bribe your children with their favorite candy and threaten them with not getting any if they don't smile. This will only make them give you a cheesy smile or upset them, however you may reward them after the shoot is over and tell them they did so good. This makes the experience a positive one and they will be happy to have you take their pictures again.




Have fun :) 


[editor's note: Today Alex is giving away a free mini shoot for one lucky reader's kiddos! It's a big prize so you have to do a little work... don't roll those eyes at me young lady:)...you have to "share" this post on facebook and "share" and "like" Maria Alexandra Photography and Earth Monkeys  facebook pages and THEN post on our Earth Monkeys Facebook page that you did so. you can do it... just a few clicks and you could be the lucky winner! ] 


Don't forget to check out Alex's facebook page and website: www.mariaalexandraphotography.com




Wednesday, November 17, 2010

How To Make Your House Look Cleaner Than It Really Is... Practical Advice From The Anti-Martha



We have these HUGE floor to ceiling windows in the front of our house so if people come up unannounced they can see perfectly into my chaos... there is no hiding the unending trail of trucks and airplanes, dirty diapers and dishes that decorate my living and family rooms daily. So the other day, when I heard my dog bark unexpectedly, I flipped!! I ran to the front door and what did I see?? My wonderful husband AND an executive from the hospital where he works!!!! I almost puked... there was no hiding the mess that could only be compared to the aftermath of a hurricane... My husband got out of the car with a sheepish smile... I could see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead... waiting to see what my response would be... I did my best tap dancing routine and pretended I was ok as I formulated a plan to torture my husband. As they drove away I texted my husband this message: "I am going to shank you in your sleep!"... he was actually excited until he found out that "shank" is NOT a sexual innuendo, but a term for stabbing with a hand sharpened object.



The unexpected visit got me thinking... I need to formulate a quick cleaning plan that will make my house look cleaner than it really is.... You might say, "why don't you just pick things up as you go and I don't know... actually clean your house??" But hello, have you ever met me??? That's not how I roll. raising three boys... and throwing autism into the mix leaves me a drooling mess at the end of most days... 


3 Reasons My House Is Never Clean...




Here are the do's and don'ts of making your house look cleaner than it really is...



#1 DO... Keep the lights as low as humanly possible.... harder to do in the day, but seriously, turning lights on only showcases fingerprints and dust and the mysterious goo that magically appears on the walls, tables and chairs.

#2 DON'T... Think that every room in your house has to be cleaned. Choose three rooms... for me its the kitchen, living room and 1 bathroom.  Then just keep your guests confined to those areas as best as possible... I'm not saying to whip out a WWF smack down if your friend wanders... but they don't need to have reign of the entire house.

#3 DO... Load all of your dishes in the dishwasher... then if there is no time left take dirty pots and pans and slide them into the oven... HOWEVER... don't forget to remove them before turning your oven on again... nothing embeds crusty food on your dishes faster  than actually baking it on... I speak from experience.

#4 DON'T... Shove your recyclables in the oven with your dishes.... because you will forget it's in there and you'll have big problems when you turn your oven on!! Again, sadly,  I speak from experience! :(

#5 DO... Light a candle to mask the stank... Oh, is that just my house??? 

#6 DON'T... Underestimate the power of a quick vacuum job.... we're talking quick... just enough to make the lines in the carpet... it will make your house look instantly put together.

#7 DO... Gather up all toys and throw in one toy box... your kids can sort them out later... and it's there mess anyway!!

#8 DON'T... Get in such a hurry you try to suck up annoying toy parts with the vacuum... they can get lodged and render your vacuum useless when you still have pizza crumbs and dirt clumps to vacuum up off of the couch... needless to say that may or may not be why mama needs a new vacuum:)

#9 DO... Start one load of laundry and shove the other 32 piles in laundry baskets.... if you have a few extra seconds you can even sort it and leave it on the floor of a room your guest will no be in... however whenever I do this my kids get stars in their eyes and aren't satisfied until they have jumped in and scattered every last pile...

#10 DON'T... Be shy about allowing friends and family to enter in to your chaos. It took me about 8 years to let Gena see what a slob I really am... (lucky her:)) and while she may not always enjoy coming to my health hazard of a home... it's really freeing to know she loves me anyway:):) I am who I am... I like a clean, organized house as much as anyone... but it's just not in my genetic code to keep it that way for some reason... and that's OK!



Hope this helps... PS if anyone shows this to my sweet, very tidy grandma we will have words... I'm not ready to let her see all that my chaos has to offer yet:):) ahahaha:)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Firehoses are not for putting on the dog, and other little boy issues...

I don't know exactly when it happened, or how it happened,  one day, it just did.  I was changing my sons diaper when his little hand reached down and he found "it".  His life has not been the same since.  "It" has been appropriately named "fire hose", as in "Mommy, Hunter is putting his fire hose on the dog...Mommy, Hunter's fire hose is peeing off the deck...Mommy, Hunter is chasing me with his fire hose...you get the point!  What I have realized is that boys and girls are different from birth, actually from conception.  Did you know that in the womb, girls mouths move more than boys?  Just a little piece of trivia.  When my son started talking, it was either a "car" sound (of which my daughter still can't duplicate) or a very intentional word.  Nothing wasted.  Here is another one...why do boys have to kick EVERYTHING???  Seriously, he walks around kicking chairs, balls, walls, toys, sissy, the dog, and pretty much anything does not get out of the way of this permanently attached weapon!  Nothing in his world is a gun (yet) but I am amazed that he can turn just about anything into a car.  I first realized this when he started driving around a little gold sparkly barrette accompanied by a vroom, vroom sound.  This is when I knew that the only people that think that we raise our boys to act like boys, and our girls to act like girls, never had one of each.  They are different at a cellular level and that is that.  My girl has never laughed at a fart (she even calls it a toot) or a burp! and my son...can't contain himself whenever he has the joy of letting one go (from either end!).  Just for the record, we do not celebrate bodily functions around here or even react, but he can hardly contain himself!!!  Oh, and just in case any of you are reading this that don't have a boy, know that your husbands obsession with hair and boobs, started when he was 1.  REALLY.  What is the deal???  For a while, I had to warn other women when they held him to guard their ta ta's because he would just dive into them!  Keep in mind that my kids were not breast fed since they are adopted, so this is not a "food" issue, its a "boobie" (one of his favorite words) issue!


I'm gonna jump ship for a quick minute...I "work" one day a week.  I call this my vacation day, because 12 hours doing hair is much easier than the same amount of time with my children.  Anyway, on these days, I get to have real conversation with real adults and it feeds my soul.  I am lucky to have some great people that I love and respect, and sometimes I even get some great advice from.  A couple of weeks ago, a client that I adore was telling me a story and unbeknownst to her, it turned into some almost life changing (at least attitude changing) advice.  We were talking about her grown son and his beautiful family when she made a comment that went something like this; "...I would give 5 million dollars to have my son be little and call me mommy again..."  It didn't mean much to me until the next day when my son walked up to me, lifted up his arms, and asked me to "tuggle".  My first reaction was just to say just a minute, but that is when it hit me... I looked into his huge brown eyes and saw a man.  A man with his own life, and his own family.  Not my little boy calling me mommy!  It broke me (in a good way).  I know there will be a day that I will want to give 5 million for my son to need me like he does now.


So my point is this...he is a boy, a crazy little boy!!!  I may never fully get why he kicks everything, pees on anything, loves farts and only talks for a reason, but he is my boy that will be a man someday.  I want to do my best to enjoy every moment of his littleness! (my little girl is included in this)  It is hard to be a mommy, it is frustrating and demanding but some day my job at this level will be over.  We are raising "men" and "women" but for now when they look at us with those big brown eyes...lets drop everything, because someday, we will be looking up into their eyes!








Please share us with your friends... and don't forget to keep voting for us by clicking on the"mommy blog award" link...we have fallen behind and we NEED you!!!  We are in the adoption, special needs and Misc. categories and you can vote as many times as you want.  Remember that one lucky facebook friend will get whatever we win!  Go Earth Monkey Moms!


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Big and Chunky...



So I'm doing to "Game On Diet" and Saturdays are my free days... before noon today I had almost put myself into a sugar induced coma... it was so bad that I had to go take a nap.. and I NEVER take naps. So to make up for my sinful ways, when I got up the kids and I cranked the tunes and had a little dance party... I now feel 47% better and the urge to puke with the slightest movement is gone... Here was our favorite dance party song today because... There's Nothing Wrong With Lovin Chunky...



PS Before you get your panties in a bunch it's G rated and from the Madagascar 2 soundtrack:)

Will.I.Am - Big And Chunky 








Friday, November 12, 2010

Scrap-Booking Gone Wild...








But not enough to make our brains think of one more post...

so enjoy this week's EMM Contributor!


Shauna is a stay at home mom of two girls, she's the author of the "Waypoint" book series, and her personal blog"Breathe, Smile, Pray...Repeat." She's just an ordinary mom trying to master the most natural job in the world.





Examples of nutty things I've written in my scrap books
I love scrap booking. I have boxes and boxes (ok baby wipe containers) filled with pictures to be one day glamorized on some beautiful paper for the entire world (and by that I mean myself and my reluctant husband) to ogle over.

I realized recently that no one really wants to look at other people’s scrapbooks, except of course to steal ideas for their own scrap booking enterprises. But for us moms, it feels good doesn’t it? As we look over all those pictures and our perfect little quotes and captions we feel an order to our chaos. Like somehow all the blood, sweat and tears (okay poop could really be added to this list) were worth it. When it’s all summed up on pretty paper it feels a little more manageable.

My scrapbooks don’t look like everyone else’s though. First of all I really use the word “scrap” literally, I don’t mean to be messy, or uneven, but really I don’t get breaks to go and put together my memories. So I break out the pictures, the glue (which isn’t even acid free…OH THE HORROR) and a Sharpie. Yep I said it, I write my captions with a Sharpie, and I don’t even use a pretty font.

I’m almost embarrassed to show other people my pages, but I suppose these pages are a representation of me, my life, and how I do life. It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s that my life is simple, it’s Sharpie simple.




Ahhhh... Good times!
I not only don’t like to share my pages because of my lack of elegantness or cuteness, but also because I record silly things. Sure my scrapbooks have the normal documentation: “Madi took 3 steps” and “Lilly said Mama” but I love to add the real stuff.

For example, when Madi first learned about binoculars, she called them “knockers” that’s in the book, as are; “Madison actually kicked me while I was holding her on the potty seat, as soon as I let her get up she peed all over me.” “Lilly actually put dog poop in her mouth today, I got it out before she swallowed any, but the look on her face was priceless.” Well you get the point, I’m not a bad mom, I’m just embracing the craziness.

I don’t have time to do pages all the time and I certainly don’t have the brain power to remember all the funny/annoying/cute things my kids and dogs have done, so I keep post it notes everywhere. When one of the kids does something “scrapbook worthy” (and you can tell my standards aren’t ridiculously high) I write it on a note, put the date and stick it to my journal. By the time I actually get to the scrap booking part I have close to 50 notes waiting to be memorialized forever in Sharpie.

I guess the point is this: life isn’t pretty…don’t NOT scrapbook your life because you don’t have the time to make it perfect on paper.

And imagine this… you’re dead and gone (sorry, reality) and your great, great grand kids are in the attic of the beach house you purchased and could never sell. Anyhow, they are playing dress up and find an old box full of scrapbooks. Imagine the look on their faces as they open it and see how life really was for you and your kids. Seeing your handwriting, forever in Sharpie marker. (I’m really trying to make myself feel better about this).

Everyone has those beautiful family pictures; I want the future to see their true roots, the mud on the face, uncombed hair, and saggy diaper reality. This is my everyday and that’s what I scrap. Sure the pretty pictures are nice, we aren’t cavemen after all, but the true representation of our lives is what I’m after.

So get some sticky notes and start documenting all the things that make you laugh and cry (most likely in 20 years they will ALL make you laugh). Get some Sharpie’s, some glue, and when you have time (ahahahaaaa) throw some pages together. Who cares what they look like, if you’re that worried about how they look tell yourself you’ll redo them when you’re retired (liar, just sayin). Just get it done, your kids, grand kids and great grand kids will thank you, let me be clear, you’ll never hear a “thank you” you’ll just know it’s there when your grand kids can tease their mom about putting dog poop in her mouth.



And the melt down... many have witnessed few have recorded live reaction!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Woohoo!! We're a finalist!!!

So, we just found out we're a finalist for this mommy blog competition... we may be a little too excited about this... but hey we're newbies so we're stoked! Click the picture to vote us in under  "Misc" and "Special Needs" as many times as you want... Thanks a bunch to everyone who nominated us!!

Welcome To Crazy...




Yes I have bed head and my kids have on dirty pants... but that's how we roll!
When you walk through my front door I have a sign that says "Welcome to Crazy..." not because we're crazy... (well I am a little), but because our lives are total and complete chaos about 88.88% of the time. Why God chose to give me... messy, unorganized, spacey, flakey ME ... two children with autism still stumps me. But the truth is they have been the biggest blessing of my life. They've brought me depth and richness beyond anything I could have ever imagined ... and for that I praise God daily.



I don't tend to write a lot about what it's like being the mom of two special needs boys... for two reasons 1) it tends to be heavy and depressing a lot of the time and I don't want people to think I'm complaining and 2) because although I am proud to wear the "Mother Warrior" badge... it doesn't define who I am as a person... I am more than my sons' disabilities.


With more and more awareness being spread about autism, I think it's only right to recognize the very overlooked needs of thousands of Mother Warriors.  Women who are involuntarily assigned to a life of fighting and advocating every second of everyday for their children to be afforded the same rights and opportunities your kids have.  Today, as I write, 1 in 91 children (nationally) are diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, and 80% of the parents of these children WILL get divorced at some point.  I'm likely not the only person you know whose children bear the Scarlet "A"and I think it's safe to say there are so many mama's out there who need friends that just "get it". My heart is to help you know how to enter a friend's journey through autism, who might be silently struggling, and who undoubtably needs your love and support.



FIRST... My friend Emilie always says that no one understands a special needs mom, like other special needs moms. That said (and Puuuleeease don't feel bad if you've done this), the first days, weeks and months after a child is diagnosed is so completely overwhelming. We are inundated with information from every aspect of life about how we need to change EVERYTHING from parenting techniques to diets in order to help our kids be successful. That overload of information is accompanied by extreme grief, and guilt and mourning the loss of the child we thought we were going to have. So when someone tells you their child has been diagnosed...please, please please please don't say "Oh my friend has a kid with autism you should talk to her, I'll have her call you... " it's too much... too soon, and although your heart is in the right place, emotionally, we may not be ready to share the biggest heart ache of our lives with a complete stranger whose child is probably on the opposite end of the spectrum.



SECOND... Our pediatrician once told me that, when you've seen one child with autism... you've seen one child with autism... because it never looks the same in any two children. Some kids don't like people and retreat into themselves, some kids are "hyper-social" and don't know a stranger or appropriate social boundaries... some kids don't talk and others talk incessantly without the ability to read facial cues about when it's time to be quiet. For this reason NEVER EVER NEVER tell a friend, "Oh he can't have autism because he can..." I once went to a dentist who told me that Sawyer didn't have autism after knowing him all of 5 seconds (because Sawyer is "hyper-social")... $3000, and a trip to the hospital later (all to get his teeth cleaned) I think Dr. smarty pants may have changed his diagnosis. The point is, he's not a specialist and not to be rude... but neither are you. You may be trying to encourage your friend, but what you might not know is that we have just been through a roller coaster of emotion trying to swallow the fact that we have a long, tough road ahead of us... and a comment like that de-validates (honestly I'm not really sure if that's a word) the pain and the trauma we have just been through when the REAL SPECIALISTS have given our children a diagnosis. 


THIRD... It's probably a good idea to stay away from giving out parenting advice. Most of us have had to completely relearn how to parent these special kids. And although my child may be screaming, flailing and banging his head in the middle of the isle at Target, I know that  I have to wait to talk to him about his behavior until he's done because he's not all there right in the thick of it... feel free to judge and stare but I can't promise I will be polite, and honestly I am sick of apologizing and explaining... just know that we are doing our best and NO a spanking won't help.


FOURTH... please don't tell us you understand ... You may relate to certain aspects of what our kids go through... I don't think for a second parenting typical kids is easier... it's just different. You can't understand what it's like to lay awake at night wondering if your child will ever fit in or really experience true love... you can't know the pain of having a child scream in an almost out of body tantrum and know that your touch and affection will only make the matter worse. You can't know what it's like to watch all of your friends' kids talk and develop typically while our child stays behind... but here are some key phrases that will probably not unknowingly hurt or offend... "I'm sorry... that sucks... I can't imagine what you're going through... just know I love you and I'm here for you."



FIFTH... Do some research... if you're wondering what your friend is going through, read some special needs moms blogs, or visit TACAAutism Speaks or Generation Rescue... it might give you a glimpse into the crazy chaotic world of autism. Or just watch this 2 minute clip... Seriously, it's the best explanation I've ever heard...

      I am truly blessed to have such an amazing support system of friends and family who "get it" and I don't take that for granted for a second. So, in an attempt to spread awareness about autism and what it takes to be a Mother Warrior, please share this  page with as many friends possible... there is no cure for autism, but the more you know, the better friend you can be if this happens to someone close to you!





      ***The phrase "The Scarlet "A"" was borrowed and modified from Roberta Dunn, Executive Director of FACT Oregon, just so no one gets their panties in a bunch:)***

      Monday, November 8, 2010

      Wile E and Sponge Bob...True heros!!!

      I grew up in a family full of great traditions, but one of my favorites occurred on friday nights.  Our family would eat at our favorite asian restaurant where we filled up on greasy food, and green tea and then raced home to our beloved "Dukes of Hazard".  If you are old like me, you can relate to the excitement of sitting down with Bo and Luke..Daisy didn't do much for me but you get the point.  Saturday mornings then consisted of cold cereal and our favorite cartoons.  Cartoons then, were much different than they are now.  Most of the time  they were about someone (or something) blowing up, burning, smashing, dropping off of a cliff, or just a lot of good old fashion "maiming".    I suppose it's a good thing that my kids  are learning so much from their cartoons now a days, but sometimes I miss a good old fashion Wile E, Road Runner beating!!  I have recently been inspired to give these "new" cartoons a piece of my mind...



      Dear Mickey Mouse, first of all, I love Disneyland.  It is a magical place of smiles and fun and some really great memories... but  COME ON!  A clubhouse that comes up out of the ground, totally set up, organized and clean?  Then you further insult my intelligence by ALWAYS being in a good mood, no matter who royally messes up;  you then take Tootles along on your adventures to fix the problem.  How in the world does "he" always know what kind of "tools" you will need anyway?  Please would you stop singing, counting and smiling.  Sometimes life is just not that cheery!!



      Mr. Cailou, Where is your hair for god sakes!  You are 4 years old and totally bald???  It's probably your completely neurotic and crazy mother that does that to you.  And speaking of your mother, please let her that if she keeps talking in such a sweet voice to you and your sister all of the time, I might drive over and punch her.  (is she medicated or something??)  I don't know any boy (or girl for that matter) that gets along with his sibling, uses manners and never talks back to his parents!!!  GET REAL!



      Sir Thomas, (or should I address this to Sir, Topin hat...is that his name??)  you totally freak me and my children out.  Please be honest here...Does some crazy man have a scary little railroad city set up in his backyard pretending to make you all real and then filming it?  If so, please let him know that more things need to move than just your crazy eyes!  He is NOT fooling anyone!

       Also, you all could use some not so boring voices, and your narrator, omg...he puts me to sleep.!  Could you please tell your crazy captor you want  to do something a little creative or fun or get off the t.v!!!



      Dear Barney, the Wiggles, Imagination movers and Dirt Girl....I don't even want to waste my time writing to you all individually!  If I even think you are coming on, I will change the channel!  You are poisoning my children with all of your "positivity and happiness!"  Your cheerful songs, endless lessons and lack of any real fun...I just can't handle it.



      Mr. Sponge Bob,  I love you.  You are a hard worker, a responsible home owner and a good friend to all.  You make me laugh and cry and you challenge me to be a better person.  I love how you occasionally loose your skin in an unfortunate hot grease accident, I cry when your eyes  get popped out of your head from a run in with a jelly fish electrocution.  I am sorry for the times that you fall off cliffs or drop from the sky (aka the water) and when you get pommeled by your dense friend Patrick, I feel for you!  Thank you for bringing me back to the simpler times of my childhood where we didn't have to learn how to count from tv but got to just mindlessly enjoy it for the pure joy of it!

      Friday, November 5, 2010

      Loving the one you’re with…







      It's Friday, that means it's guest contributor time. EMM is so excited to welcome Katie Ristow! She married her college sweetheart, and together they continue in youth ministry. Last year they left her hometown and moved with their two daughters to Southern Oregon to start a young adult ministry at Table Rock Fellowship.


      The other day my husband and I were arguing, but trying our hardest not to seem like we were, cause, you know, our kids wouldn’t know the difference, right? Well, our four- year old daughter climbed up between us and started telling some random story. She knew we had been arguing, and her little appearance was her attempt at making things right. I think all kids have that response built into them. They know when the peace is broken, they know when things aren’t okay, and they desperately long to get back to that.
        Cause mom and dad are their whole world.


        There are all sorts of things that I don’t want to pass onto my kids, like my fear or anxiety. And there are tons of things I DO want to pass onto them, like a love for the Lord, a balanced pursuit of their passions, and desire to minister to other people. But I think one of the best things I can do for them, is to love their daddy.


         My husband and I fight FOR our marriage. We’ve been criticized for being overly affectionate, or too mushy, or blah blah blah. Turns out we have the same love language though, which is mushiness, and so it works fine for us. I’ve been criticized for the way I have built my home by other moms and singles. But, I am passionate about my home, my kids, and my marriage. And I guard those things with everything in me. I am careful about my time with my husband and making sure that HE is the person and MAN that I spend most of my time with. Because all of those things affect my home, my marriage, my kids. Every little thing. For the good or the bad.


         To be honest, I mess up so much that I could definitely benefit from a giant can of whiteout. But, I’m trying to make our home a haven for my kids and my man. And I’ve found that in our home, what affects things the most, is the way my husband and I treat each other. If we’re arguing, the kids behave in a like manner. They’re behavior almost seems to demand our attention, I think, to get us to stop arguing.


         We’ve all heard the saying, “If mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” But when it comes to mom and dad, if they’re not at peace, then nobody’s at peace. And so, even though I can follow the trail of dirty socks and shorts to where he is, and even though my one- year- old loves to wash her hands in the glass or food dish he left out the night before, I’m not going to criticize him. I’m going to focus on how grateful I am to have a man to clean up after, a man that loves the Lord, that loves me, and loves his kids. I’m going to forgive him for his forgetfulness that sometimes hurts my feelings, and am going to thank him for his faithfulness. I am going to get over myself, and open my eyes to what I have in him. Literally, my prince charming, only with a beard. And… the next time I argue with him, I’m going to do it in privacy where it won’t disrupt my little ones’ world. I’m going let them see us make up (appropriately, of course. Saving the inappropriate for the bedroom). And I’m going to encourage him.


         It doesn’t just help he and I, but it helps our daughters. It rights their world. It shows them that mommy and daddy are okay, and if we are okay, then everything else is going to be okay too. It shows them what real forgiveness and love and faithfulness and right relationships look like.


         For whatever reason, some of you are doing this parenting thing alone. Even though you’re in a much harder place, we’re all doing the same thing. We’ve all just got to be careful. Careful about whom we bring into our home, about how we speak about our kids’ father, and about how we set the mood of our home. God will be faithful even when others are not.
        
         You’ll be amazed at how having a peaceful home, and, if you’re married, how a good marriage will affect your kids’ lives, from the way they behave at school, to the way they sleep at night. It’s a wonderful thing to walk through my home at night (which I do a lot because I’m a light sleeper), and to feel peace. To see your kids sleeping in peace, to lie down beside your husband in peace, and to rest even in the darkness because all is how it should be.


         I learned a whole life’s worth of lessons sitting by my mom’s deathbed this year. Her cancer was swift moving, taking something from her with every passing breath, reducing her from a healthy, vibrant woman to nothing in a matter of five months. The last conversation she had with any of us was one beautiful morning in May  of 2010 when she awoke coherent and lucid. My father rushed me, my 12 year old sister, and my 15 year old sister into the bedroom. We sat on the bed and she spoke to each of us, taking our hands and imparting a final blessing. For my youngest sister, it was an attempt at a sex talk that had something to do with mating bees. But for my father, it was the most surreal thing I have ever heard. My parents didn’t have a bad marriage, but it wasn’t a fairy tale either. And so, on this last good morning, she turned to him slowly, her eyes so full of heartache and tears that I can still remember exactly what they looked like, and she said, “You weren’t the easiest man to be married to. But you are a good man, and I don’t want to leave you.” And as sobs racked her body, they embraced and she cried again, “I don't want to leave you.”
         It’s all about perspective. It’s about looking beyond the piles of laundry, the unpaid bills, the noise, and the sleepless nights and remembering that none of that really matters in the scope of eternity. What matters are our relationships. What matters is what we’re passing on to our kids. What matters is that we love the man we are with, with a love that is deep, true, passionate, forgiving, enduring, patient, kind, faithful and both inward and outward. And if the man you’re with is not lovable, you can still demonstrate forgiveness, endurance, patience, kindness, and faithfulness


         For from our example is how our babies will learn to love.





      Check Out Katie's Personal Blog at www.ristowswife.wordpress.com