I really don’t remember where all of these things that I swore I would never say came from.  I’m sure I have to give some credit to my mother, or my sister, or maybe just the crazy lady in the grocery store.  But at some point I heard people tell their kids these things enough to know that I would never, ever say them! 

Just a minute…this has become one of my all time favorites.  I’m sure it drove me crazy because I would think, “all right already just drop what you are doing and attend to your child”!  But what I now know is that phrase so beautifully applies in many situations…If I am on the phone, if I am going to the bathroom, if I am driving, if I am fixing dinner, doing laundry…Sorry, I just lost my train of thought, (got interrupted) …”just a minute, I’m writing my blog!” 

Because I said so….Honestly this is the one I REALLY cant believe that I actually do say.  The first time it fell off my tongue like bitter salt, now, it rolls off like sweet honey.  I thought I would be the parent that would calmly explain the reason for everything I ever said…However, I quickly realized that there was no way I could give enough of an explanation to my children to satisfy them. … Ever! 

Middle names…now this one is tricky for me.  We gave our children the first names of their birth moms as their middle names, so for me to say them in a tone that would get the attention of a killer whale is difficult.  But I have to admit that I can throw out “Nevaeh Sarah” and “Hunter Nicolas” faster than I have time to even think about how much I love them (or their birth moms for that matter).  The crazy thing is…it gets their attention.  Ya, I think ill keep using them! 

I said…..I just knew that my children would be so well behaved that there would never be a time that I would have to ever repeat myself.  (oh come on you used to think that the mom that couldn’t get her kids to listen to her the first time was a looser too!!) But I will admit that maybe once or twice a day (ok maybe 103 times) I do have to say “I said…”   But I’ m sure when they are teenagers, I’ll only have to say things once!  (Riiiiight)

No one can know the down and dirty of being a parent…until you become a parent… sometimes throughout the day I stop and think to myself…”did those words really just come out of your mouth?”  They are words that form sentences I never imagined anyone saying…

Forks Aren’t For Stabbing…Maybe it’s just my kids…but they can turn anything into a weapon and often try to shank each other…

We Don’t Touch Poop… I still remember the day Sawyer came down the stairs proudly yelling ewwe poooop… he had pooped on a toy cell phone and brought it down proud to show us his accomplishment… that was the day the poop war was waged in the McPhail household and we battle on even today…

Don’t Drink the Bath Water… your butt is in that water….Stop drinking it!!!  What is the draw?? Seriously, I can’t imagin what is so thirst quenching about merky soapy butt water?? But still they drink…

Hands Off Your Peeper… (I know peeper sounds I little creepy but I can’t say penis or wiener…) If you have boys, you have to be familiar with this one. day or night rain or shine, they have to make sure their friend is still attached… apparently it will be that way until the end of time…

Is That My Toothbrush In The Toilet??? Oh the glamorous life of a mother…