Thursday, November 4, 2010

Paparazzi or police?? The glamorous life of this mom…

    I have to make an admission here…I have a bit of a weakness to those trashy “star” magazines, oh, I won’t buy them (it’s my statement to the paparazzi that I won’t support their stalking) but I do however love that my mother-in-law gives me her hand me downs.  My favorite issues are the ones that feature the ”famous” people shall we say, “not at the top of their game”…I’m not into the butt shots that compare cellulite, that’s just taking it a bit too far, but I do love to see them without makeup, and wearing less than flattering clothing.  I’m sure someone real super smart would say I like it because it makes me feel better about myself or something deep like that, and to that I say “duh!!”
     I went out for a chaotic, I mean sweet stroll with my babies, when I realized that if the paparazzi (what a dumb name) were hiding in the bushes trying to snap a picture of me (do I have to be famous first? Anyway…) they would be having a hay day!!!  Starting from the ground up, I looked something like this…close your eyes and go with me….k never mind, open them so you can read on…
I was wearing my ugg boots.  I must say that after 3 years of lusting after these babies I am pretty excited to be sporting them finally, so that part is pretty cool…Lets skip to my neck, or at least the nice grey scarf I had draped around it, again pretty cool.  But from here it all goes down hill.  My sweats fit ok besides being a bit too short for my boots and leaving about 2” of pasty white skin peaking out. My sweatshirt is an old red hoodie, and I wont even begin to talk about what is stuck on the front!  You know what your clothes look like at 5:00 after being with your kids all day, get the picture???  Anyway, moving up to the face, I’m embarrassed to say that at this point, you can no longer tell that I lovingly spent an entire 30 seconds putting on mascara at 8 am while, unbeknownst (I googled that) to me, my 2 year old had climbed onto the guinea pig cage that sits on the counter, and was pulling stuff out of the cabinets…end to makeup time.  My crowning glory can only be described as that of a 68-year-old tired teacher (sorry if this describes you).  It was twisted up on the top of my head held in place by a “claw clip”.  Just a side note… as a hairstylist (cringe) I gave a class one time to a bunch of women, and part of what I talked about was to never use these clips, how to use bobby pins instead!  Oh how times have changed!  I did, half way through our walk, take my hair down after a few neighbors who were coming home from work looked at me with suspicious glances…pretty sure they thought I was a “roamer” in the neighborhood…Thought I should save the police a trip…
                                                                                       
     So at this point your probably expecting some deep insight on how I’ve changed on the inside, and how motherhood makes me a better person…bla bla bla…But actually today is just a simple look into how I am so not fancy, cool or glamorous and I guess that’s ok.  As long as I have a two-year-old eating dog food while I primp and a five year old wanting to wear the same makeup I am trying to put on, I guess I’ll just stay simple, as long as my teeth are brushed before my hunky man gets home, right?